I’ve known Junior since he was a tadpole. He’s not a real junior since he was named after his granddaddy and not his daddy. As life turned out, gramps did most of the raising so everyone calls him Junior.
Back a couple of weeks ago, Junior and his best buddy Russell decided to put an end to the gophers digging on Junior’s property. It was mid afternoon when they set out a couple of lawn chairs in the shade of the old barn, filled a cooler with cold ones and loaded their rifles.
The gophers, being elusive by nature, soon tried their patience. When a rodent would pop up, they would plink at him only to have the critter disappear back under ground. Over the course of the afternoon Junior and Russell had dipped into the ice chest more times than they could count. This probably had nothing to do with their aim; neither one was a decent shooter when sober. But the beer did impact their judgment.
As their frustration grew, these two devised an ingenious plan to nab the elusive gopher. They mapped out their strategy by identifying the burrows and the tunnels that linked them.
Next, Junior mixed a concoction of diesel fuel and gasoline in a couple of five-gallon cans. With the aid of a long hose they filled the holes. After topping off all the tunnels with the flammable mixture, they added a little more just to be sure. They were now in business.
When they ignited the liquid, fire and smoke belched from the holes, along with a gopher that shot across the yard and made a beeline into the barn. Under normal circumstances that would not have been a problem except this particular gopher was on fire.
Junior and Russell threw down their guns and ran into the barn just as the critter disappeared into a large pile of hay. On hands and knees they began digging frantically through the dry straw but to no avail. In a matter of a few minutes the hay began to burn and then the barn itself.
By now the sun had fallen well below the tree line and the fire lit up the evening sky. Some of the locals, out of curiosity or out of boredom, came out to see what was going on. There ended up well over a half-dozen folks standing about watching and conjecturing as to the cause of the blaze. In this group was Junior’s ex sister-in-law. She made it known to those gathered that whatever the cause, Junior was sure to be involved.
When the volunteer fire department arrived on the scene there wasn’t much firefighting left to do. The fire captain inquired as to the cause of the fire and Junior summed it all up when he exclaimed, “It looked like a meteor flying through the yard!”
Junior vs. the gopher
.......... Big Cholla
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