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07-05-2016, 02:06 PM
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A good one for the old timers...
Retired Person's Perspective
1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy.
4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
5. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
6. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.
7. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
8. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?
9. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
Old age is not as bad as I thought. It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.
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07-05-2016, 02:48 PM
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Yo, Jack I made it to the Jim twice this morning. Thank goodness.
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07-05-2016, 03:18 PM
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I really like the idea of making the car horn sound like gun shots!
Probably would not help our cause very much.
Thanks for sharing!
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07-05-2016, 05:15 PM
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I made it to the Jim about 3AM this morning.
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Old Age Ain't For Sissies
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07-05-2016, 05:21 PM
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After reading all these a few times I think that #1 is my favorite. It's an idea who's time has definitely come....
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07-05-2016, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Walkin' Jack
5. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
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I liked them all, but this was my favorite!
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07-05-2016, 06:00 PM
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You know your getting old when you realize that you went to school with the Walmart greeter.
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07-05-2016, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old bear
Yo, Jack I made it to the Jim twice this morning. Thank goodness.
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Had about 7 inches of lower colon removed a few years ago. Have to visit the Jim much more frequently now.
Visiting the Jim sounds much much better. Thanks for the re-name.
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07-05-2016, 08:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertJ.
I liked them all, but this was my favorite!
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I have to agree, that one got a good chuckle. #5.
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07-06-2016, 02:23 PM
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Banned
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I like the way y'all think. Nuff said. :-))
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07-06-2016, 03:48 PM
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I did a half hour workout in the Jim this morning. There is nothing like a good workout before going to work. It kinda lets you know how the rest of the day is going to go.
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07-07-2016, 11:32 AM
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That has been stolen and posted on another board. I really it!!!
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