I've been so busy lately that I've not had a chance to wind down. I finally got a week where things are going back to normal.

This past week I've had a few weird things happen to me. But first let me give the background.

Back in the 1990s I met the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen at a dealership. I'd seen the reaction and the attention of all the guys that were there and I knew that I had no chance. I'm not the most handsome guy, either.
I was a lot attendant and she was hired as a sales rep durning one of the big tent sales. She was put in the delivery area with one of the more experienced sales lady for OJT. I was also in the delivery area, for, well, delivering cars. Instead of trying to hit on her and doing/saying dumb things to impress her, I treated her like one of the guys - and we became friends. Over the 7 or 8 months she worked there, we became close and would often find ourselves together - a lot. I saw her so much during work that I didn't think to ask her out or even ask for her number.

I don't remember why she left, but when she left, she left her business card with her phone number under my windshield wiper! I jumped on the phone and called!

We went from friends, to really good friends and more if you know what I mean It was the best time of my life! I hadn't been happier before or since! She's the love of my life! She's EVERYTHING I wanted!

Over time, because of work schedules, we saw less and less of each other and grew apart. We still talked on the phone regularly, but after a while, became clear to me that I was in the friend zone. UGH, In my inexperience and desperation, I became the very thing that she told me in the beginning she hated - needy and clingy.

I lost her. I hated myself for killing the relationship. It took me years to get over her. I thought I did.

I've had girlfriends before and since, but never anybody like her! I realize that what I remember is probably a distortion of what really happened, but...the relationship probably wan't meant to be.

Fast forward to this past week. I had some time off and I had a dream about her. From what remember it was about riding in a car together. I hadn't thought about her for years. Then, I was going though some old boxes and I find a Bible she gave me for my birthday. She'd written beautiful dedication to me. I'm not going to lie, I got teary eyed and nostalgic when I read it.

Then the strangest thing if all, I was watching a rerun of an old TV series, and I see her name in the credits. She has a somewhat common first and last name, and the series was made when she'd have been a young teen, so it's not her, but what a strange coincidence!

I don't know what any of that means, but why now? I find myself reliving those old memories and thinking about her. I've been thinking about her a lot. I realize that the person I knew so long ago no longer exists as she's changed and Ive changed. I thought I'd gotten over her but it seems I'm still in love with a ghost from my past.

There's a reason why she was in my life then, and there's a reason why the memory of her resurfaced now. What it is I don't know.

I'm debating contacting her through social media... I think the best thing for me to do is leave things be.

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Thread Killer.

I'd reach out to her. In High School I dated a girl for two years. When she graduated she went to college and I went other paths. We both married other people and lost contact. My wife of 35 years died and one day my mom asked "What ever happened to that girl you dated in HS?" Out of curiosity I looked her up and she was also recently widowed after being married for 37 years. I sent her a letter, yes letter. We exchanged letters, email and phone calls and decided we were both different in many ways but also the same people, in many ways. We dated for a year and have been married for two years now.

Water flows downstream, leave it there.

Ivan

Perhaps through an internet search or social media you can determine if she is currently married or not. If she is currently married, stay away. If not — and if you are not married, of course — sure, contact her.

What's the downside?

Well, I suppose the downside is disappointment and/or rejection, but that does not seem a particularly high price to pay to me for the possibility of rekindling a relationship that meant a lot to you.

Don’t be a weirdo. Move on.

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“What you got, ain’t new.”

Dude, that was harsh! I hear what you're saying.

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Thread Killer.

know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run

"No man ever steps in the same river twice for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." -Heraclitus

Bekeart

Do not tell me I am wrong - that was my Ex's job.

Life is short, do your best to enjoy what you have left of it.

My birthday was earlier in the month . My wife usually gets the mail , and one day she came in and gave me an envelope . I opened it up and it was a birthday card , the writing was definitely female . It was signed a secret admirer . Now we've been married 40 years and I've never even looked at another woman . The only female I can think of was an old high school girlfriend . We stayed together while I was in the Corps and for a while afterwards . We drifted apart and then I met my wife , and I knew that was it . But a couple of days after the card I too had a dream about an old flame . I could look her up , but I'm happy with my wife and my life . But it does make a 66 year old feel good to have a secret admirer .

I contacted one I hadn’t seen in 25 years a few years after she was widowed and I was divorced.There’s no chemistry anymore,but we are friends again with busy lives 1000 miles apart.Works for me.

i know exactly what you are saying and I have similar stories, but I can tell you three things for sure:

1) You are asking on here, so you are going to do what you want to do anyway...However, consider this:

2) People tend not to change their core personalities from 20 years old to 80 years old. They may change likes, interests and many other things, but there core personalities will remain the same. That applies to you and her and me and everyone else.

3) Don't build a fantasy in your mind that was never there on her part...Again refer to number two. If it didn't work out then, there were reasons why and the same problems will creep in again.

I have been married to a fine gal for over thirty years, but if I let unreality settle in, I can make myself believe things were different than they actually were with prior girlfriends....They weren't and they would end up the same now that they ended then.

Knock on the door. Whether Yea or Nay you will have an answer.

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Music/Sports/Beer fan

This ^^^^^^^^ scratch the itch.

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Sure you did

My memory tells me that there were good reasons I'm not still with girls/women I knew 30-40 years ago. My reality chip tells me that it's 95% or more certain that those reasons still exist.

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Release the Kraken

Ya got nothing to loose. If she is single, have at it. If she is spoken for, DO NOT !

It's pretty much a crapshoot. If you parted on friendly or non-antagonistic terms, and if you're certain you've outgrown your needy/clingy self, and you're willing to start out slow and easy as just a friend, it might be worth a shot.

But you never know. I had one female friend throughout high school who clearly liked me because she was always teasing me. I didn't pursue her because she was going steady with one of my best friends. But she broke up with him just before we graduated, and wrote me a nice romantic note in my yearbook. Then she disappeared. Eight years later and 500 miles away, I ran into her at a theater. I thought she'd be pleased to see me. Wrong! She refused to acknowledge that she'd ever known me, although we'd been good friends throughout high school. I reeled off all of the things we'd done together over those years. No response. Even today, that was the strangest conversation I've ever had.

On the other hand, two other girls I'd known in high school just as friends, were all over me at our 20-year reunion. If I hadn't already been married to the lovely Mrs. swsig by then, I probably could have acquired a wife. So you never know....

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What, me worry?

Writing out my story and reading the comments from you all helped me with a bit of insight and a bit of therapy. Thanks!

Thinking about it, the memories bubbled up for a reason. Maybe, something is missing from my life and I'm chasing the good feelings, the high, if you will, from from that relationship. Maybe reliving those memories is a way to escape what's in my current life. I think that's what it is.

I need to figure out what's going with me on before I attempt to make contact. For now, I'm content with the memories, probably distorted, but happy memories. The last thing I want to do is disrupt her life. It wouldn't be fair to her.

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Thread Killer.

I look at old relationships the way I look at old jobs.

Once you have been out a while you only remember the good times. You forget the reasons why it didn't work out in the first place.

At 54 I married my "dream girl" since we were 14. We had grown up together but she didn't return my feelings then. I had regular "sweet dreams" about her for decades no matter what else was going on for me. Finally, at age 54, the stars aligned for me and we were married. I pretty quickly found out why her first husband left her at age 40 and she had been single with a number of failed relationships since then. I had never misjudged anyone so badly. Her covert narcissism "gaslighting" turned my brain into scrambled eggs ! After 7 years (mercifully for me) she called it quits I wrote her a song of thankfulness !!


Also, I have been mostly disappointed in reconnecting with gals I used to know.
So I have two things for you to consider ----
Do NOT forget when chasing the "girl of your dreams" that NIGHTMARES are also dreams !
The odds are not in your favor of the gals you used to like still being as likeable now.

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Y. B. Ord & A. Ree

So true....If I think back objectively, do I really want that kindof drama again no matter how great the good times seemed 40 years later? Also, do I want to willingly do selective memory about how great things were 100% of the time, when in reality, it was only great part of the time?

Could be so...Men want companions as much as women do, but show it far differently. Escapism is a thing too with everyone.

When I watch "Easy Rider" and long for some of that, my wife scoffs and says I'm being an escapist and she's right...However, when we go to the beach and she wears flip-flops and drinks margaritas all weekend, she wants to think she has become Jimmy Buffet..Same thing.

Escapism is needed for fun in life, but it can be a drug and that goes for relationships especially.

No, let it go.

Life is not the Hallmark Channel.

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BTDT, Got The T-Shirt

I met a beautiful wonderful girl in 1956. I was in the military, didn't commit and lost track of her.

Over the years I wished I had made a commitment.
Many years later while searching in the internet, we connected.

We recently celebrated our 20th anniversary. Life is good.

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Paul
Salome, AZ

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Music/Sports/Beer fan

there is a not so nice saying, at a place where i used tow ork. It covers many situations.

to paraphrase, once the silver handle gets pulled down, and the swirly water is gone. there is no use crying over what was sent down.

Many yeas ago, i had a run in with a car selling woman. She was the highest seller of high end gm trucks and cadillacs in our state. As a child she, she was in a car seat and bundled up in a snow suit. Her parents were drunk and most likely stoned on coke.

The pulled over, and for somer eason the vehicle started on fire. And the parents left her inside. Somehow a fireman heard her screaming from outisde the vehicle. she suffered 80% burns. From what i recall only her hands were untouched due to the heavy gloves.

I wont deny there were visible issues, but i made the mistake of telling her of my time wandering around fort benning and interacting with a few of the half melted men who had been trapped in burning vehicles. that was a no go for her.

No one has ever interested me more than my wife of 52 years. She will be my "one and done."

I’m in the “scratch that itch” camp.

There you go.
If I felt similar about someone from my past and was able to locate them I'd pen a short note, maybe relate the circumstance that triggered the feeling, in your instance the Bible dedication.
Because I no longer do it enough composing a hand written letter forces me to collect my thoughts so I can relay them on paper in a way that may actually make sense.
You may have regrets if you don't and not much could happen you wouldn't shake off.

People -do- change; just not always for the better. Also, we may think the other person has changed but we often don't recognise the changes in our self that the other person may see.

I know that after some of my life experiences, I was a definitely different person.

I'd say if you're single and she is single AND you're ready for 'something', then take the shot.

An aside:
After my divorce I cut a swathe through the nurses I worked with. It was not unusual for me to be 'interacting' with multiple nurses (though not, alas, simultaneously).

One day I got on the elevator at work and in the course of trying to go just six stories up, the elevator picked up THREE nurses who I was 'involved' with. None knew about the others and I was in desperate fear one of them would say something and I'd never get out of that elevator intact. Longest damn elevator ride of my life!

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RM Vivas
SWCA#1482L, SWHF#837

I had one relationship that lasted over three years, and I thought at the time it was the real thing and would never end. I was wrong and got ghosted by her without warning for no reason I could discern. I knew where she was and what she was doing for years after she left and fantasized about trying to get back together with her even after I married someone else. I eventually came to my senses and realized it was total foolishness to believe that we would ever get back together. I just purged her from my memory bank and haven't thought about her much since. And that is exactly what I would advise anyone in similar circumstances to do.

Yes, nothing ventured, nothng gained. Lost touch with a good college friend bck in 1981, found he passed away in 2002. Send a Christmas card with a note of explanation to his wdow-she had remarried. No response. Sent an Easter card to a woman I had been casual friends with 50 years ago-she was recently widowed, received a very nice and detailed card in response.

I would look in the mirror first, do I look like a shadow of the young man I was, or simply an older version. Then I would imagine what she might look like….remember you were first attracted to her because of her looks. People age and sometimes not so prettily…..I know I am no looker….lost all my hair, lost all my muscle mass and am now just an old bald skinny dude weighing in at a buck seventy…..standing 6 foot. I once was muscle bound, full head of hair tipping the scales at 225. I am going to my 50th reunion in October…..I will let you know how that turns out.

I am so glad this topic came up. My brother is active on reunion web sites and my first girlfriend from 1972 contacted him and asked for my point of contact information.
I spoke with her on telephone and she mentioned divorcing her husband (which is the one I was vying against in 1976).
Well she said she mailed a letter to my house as well!! Buddy, I was glad I am the one who picks up the mail!! Anyway, she was volunteering to come an stay with me.
It seems that my divorce and then getting married again was not mentioned by my little brother! We corresponded a few times and it was good to hear from some one from almost 40 years ago,
but like Garth Brooks sung in "thank god for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
And just because He may not answer, doesn't mean He don't care "
I am happy and content with the women who I have spent 25 years with.

Some where in my junk is that letter, someday I will find it and think fondly of the possibilities and be glad my life turned out the way it is for better or worse.

Here's how I see it. You're thinking about this and imaging outcomes. What's the positive scenario? What's the negative scenario? I can guarantee you neither of those will work out anything like you imagine. Something else will. Something that's impossible to predict. Could be the best thing that ever happened, or the worst. How lucky are you feeling?

After reading the above responses, I'm surprised no one has looked at it from her perspective.

For example, thirty years ago, she dropped you because you were "needy and clingy." Now, just suppose you do happen to get in touch with her again. What do you think her reaction might be? Maybe..."Oh no...he hasn't let go after thirty years. He's still needy and clingy." Probably won't be a turn on for her.

In reality, the fact that you're still thinking about her just proves her point. You're still "clingy."

I certainly don't want to throw ice water on your dreams, but just a thought from maybe the way she might look at it.

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Pack light and cinch tight.

As a Country and Western song says: "Thank God For Unanswered Prayers"

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Keep Shootin' and check 6

I don’t have this problem.
All of my old girlfriends are dead.
I am blessed to have my true love and best friend still sharing life with me for the last 52 years.
She called me a “turd” because I didn’t ask her to dance before I even knew her name.
It’s been downhill ever since.🤠

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Eccentric old coot

I can respect that. I usually end it with something like "We can still be friends", but hey, you do you!

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RM Vivas
SWCA#1482L, SWHF#837

My recommendation as well. “You can never go ‘home’ again.”

No offense to anybody, but think some are reading way too much in what I posted.

I know I have a distorted memory of the reality of that time. In my mind that was the greatest, happiest time of my life! Was it hers, I don't really know. I'd like to think it was, but only she knows. Truth be told, the relationship at that time wasn't meant to be and didn't work out -obviously.

This more about me than it is about her. There's a reason why these memories bubbled to the surface, now. I want to know what triggered these memories and why, then I can move on. They just didn't show up for no reason. That's the outcome I want.

Besides, she's living her life, been living her life with out me - it's not like she made contact w/me. Me making contact with her will not resolve my issues. Anyway, that's what I'm thinking.

Typing my thoughts out and interacting with you all is actually helping me - thank you!

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Thread Killer.

Laura broke up with me when I was 23. I thought we were going to get married. Her Mom was an heiress of some fortune and told Laura she would cut her out of the will if she married me.
Years later, well after her mother passed and her father was nearing his end, he asked her about me and said he always thought we would have made a good team. Laura told me she had to sit down when he said that.
22 years since the last time I had seen her she tracked me down through an old roommate while I was attending a meeting in D.C. and staying in a hotel near the Whitehouse. She showed up at my hotel room door wearing nothing but a trench coat, pearls and high heels. Thus began an almost 5 year fling. She wanted us to run away together from our families and live somewhere off her money. I couldn't leave my children and broke it all off.
At 45-50 she still was as good looking and well kept as when she was 22.

And the bold and underlined portion therein lies the difference between you and the OP...She was the one to seek you out, not the other way around.

I Got married too young and both being young and stupid took its toll and after 7 years we divorced. Both of us remarried and had kids. 6 months ago I ran into her. We had not seen each other for 35 years which would almost be impossible since we have lived less than 20 miles apart in small adjacent towns the entire time. We both remarried and our kids went to school together! I am divorced and she’s a widow. After chatting for a few, she called me a few days later and it was like we never were apart in so many ways. We talked for 3 hours on the phone. Now we are back together and it’s probably the best thing that ever happened to both of us. Everything is so comfortable and not being self centered kids has made me happier than I’ve been in many years. My advice is CONTACT HER. What have you got to lose and so much to gain.

All of mine grew…a bunch …..

This is a girl I met when we were in 3rd grade together. We started dating in high school, but went to different colleges.

She returned to Phoenix in my senior year in college and we began dating again.

I would have given my life for her. She was the most beautiful and charming girl I had ever met.

Here is a picture of her that I took on a stroll through a park. We were both 22 that year.



We have been married for 63 years this August. Never regretted it.

John

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- Cogito, ergo armatus sum -

Reading the initial post, all I could say was "Good Grief!"

I will not expound any further except to quote Judge Mathis on the subject of how women feel after a break up:
"When they're done, they're done Jack."

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You're shy a few manners.

Re needy and clingy, or being a weirdo, it's not like the OP's been stalking her for 30 years. Say he reconnects, and she says not interested, and he leaves it at that. Where's the harm?

And, could be, she has been through relationships in which no one was needy and clingy, and after 30 years on the odometer she'd like a little cling and need in a relationship.

(My sister once remarked, not unkindly, of my wife and me that we are like velcro. We are always together. We've always been this way. Needy and clingy, I suppose, compared to some/most couples, but, hey! It works for us.)

As I said, could be, probably likely, the OP will be disappointed or embarrassed, but is that such a hard thing to bear? And the gal, even if she is still not interested, rather than being unhappy at the intrusion, will maybe get a small morale boost thinking, "After all these years, he still thinks of me!" People, men and women, like to be liked.

My opinion is that too often in life we don't take chances, risks, for fear of failure, or out of worry about what others will think of us.

My view is take the risk. So what if you fall flat on your face occasionally? We're all gonna be gone soon enough and shortly thereafter no one, except a rapidly dwindling few, is even gonna remember our names..

So if there's a chance at a romance in your life that might make you happy, go for it.

And posts 2, 19 and 23 show that a reconnection can work out.

I know how one thinks about a lost lover,
but I've always held to the theory of
"why did we break up in the first place".

I've gotten together with a couple exes.
One is still one of the best friends
I've ever had and the other, well, lets say let it be.

I've had a couple of "getting back together"
events and while powerful, the feeling doesn't
last long enuf.

When I was in my 20’s there was a beautiful and clever young lady who worked in my office. We got along really well, and there was a mutual interest in each other, but working in the same office meant we stayed work friends. Then she left the office for the private sector. After 18 months I managed to really foul up our relationship. One day she got really mad at me, which in retrospect she had more than every right to, and we just stopped talking to each other.

Twenty years later a colleague stops at my desk and tells me my old acquaintance is back in the court house. Although I was very hesitant to see her again, I finally stopped by her office. To my surprise she did not throw a stapler or other heavy object at me. We talked for a bit, catching up on the last 20 years. She is happily married and has a nice family, which she deserves. To look at her you would never know 20 years had gone by, she’s still a stunner. I took the opportunity to apologize to her for being a jerk all those years ago, and we parted on good terms.

I’m glad I saw her again, and had a chance to give her the apology that was 20 years overdue. If she wasn’t married would I have tried starting over? No, probably not. All those years left us with much less in common than when we were in our 20’s.

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Wheel guns are real guns.

For all the folks who think/assume that folks, (like me) haven't changed after decades life are are still the same, are you all still the same person or have you grown, learned from the mistakes and experience?

I'll tell you I'm not the same person I was. I'm not the 115# skinny kid I was then. I learned a tiny bit in all aspects of life, and I'd like to think I'm not quite the fool I was then. Although, I probably still am.

Again, are any of you all the same person you were in your 20s? Did you all mellow out or become angry and bitter with age? <---- Rhetorical question.

I know that, I'll call her "Jen", is not the same person I last talked to face to face in the summer of '99. I'm not, either.

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Thread Killer.