Spent part of yesterday morning sitting on the edge of the bed on the phone. During a pause, I wrote a check to pay a bill and put it in the envelope ready to mail. Our 2 pooches were occupying a good part of the bed. I took the dogs for their morning excursion before heading to the local town/post office/drug store, etc and then wondered what happened to the ready to mail bill.

Finally gave up and did the required running about and then returned and started a diligent search, going everywhere I could recall being. Having covered all those, I went to the other side of the bed to look for something else and spotted a bunch of paper scraps on the floor. Yep, my wife's year old Corgi pup chewed up the phone bill. She was nice enough to leave me the corner of the bill with the account number and link to the on line payment site.

If you've seen the commercial, I don't just adore my wife's little bundle of joy. At the moment.

Reminds me of an incident that actually happened to one of my teaching colleagues. A young man came in late for the final exam. When my colleague asked why he was late, the student said, "My dog ate my cars keys."

The professor then asked, "Don't you have an extra set of keys?"

Having been caught in a lie and looking somewhat perplexed, the young man stammered a bit, then replied, "Uh...well...uh...he ate both sets???"

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Pack light and cinch tight.

There's also the story of a little boy who came in late to school. His teacher asked him why, and he replied "Because my dad sleeps in the nude."

Of course, the teacher asked for a clearer explanation.

Responding to this, the boy said that his dad does sleep in the nude, and when his dog Blue woke him up in the middle of the night barking at the door that led to the hen house, his dad grabbed his loaded shotgun and went outside. Ol' Blue was right behind him.

Armed with his shotgun, his dad slowly and carefully went into the hen house. Just then, Ol' Blue shockingly cold-nosed him from behind.

"Well," said the teacher,, "what happened then? Why are you so late?"

The boy replied: "I had to spend the whole morning cleaning chickens!"

John

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- Cogito, ergo armatus sum -

Hey there! I feel your pain on the chewed-up bill situation. My pup, Luna (a Labrador retriever), is a total chewer, and important documents have definitely been casualties before.

One time, I left a permission slip for a school trip out on the counter for like two minutes, and came back to confetti. Luckily, the teacher was understanding and let me reprint it, but man was I frustrated (and Luna got a serious talking to with her favorite chew toys in sight!).

The most important thing I've learned is providing plenty of appropriate chew toys and keeping important papers out of reach.

Labs are the worst for chewing. Mine had a squeaky toy that drove me nuts,so I hid it in my bottom desk drawer.She was looking for it a few days later and I gave it back to her. Drove me nuts again, so I trashed it. That night she walked into my office,pulled the drawer open with her teeth,but no joy.She slammed it shut with her snout and opened it again for another look. That went on for months

Years ago, my brother worked for Benchmade. At the same time Jody Samson was working there designing knives for them. Jody was the one who made Conan's sword for the movies, among others. Well, Jody gave my brother a one-of-a-kind custom prototype, with a molded rubber handle and leather sheath. My brother collected knives, and this was one of his prize pieces. Fast forward a few years and Jody has passed, and my brother goes to visit a friend and brings the knife to show him. They sit for a while in the living room, then go outside to smoke cigars. You guessed it, when they came back in the knife and sheath were well and truly chewed. He was sick about it.

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The best I can with what I got

My step-sister's Dachshund liked to chew or eat strange things. It found a bunch of cash in her sweater and consumed it. The bank said they'd give her replacement bills if she could bring in pieces with complete serial numbers. She followed that dog around with a strainer for the next couple days. Then she washed off the "dog residue" and put the pieces of bills in plastic bags. She managed to recover most of what she lost to the dog. The teller would have no part in removing the pieces from the bags and accepted them "bagged and tagged."

Thinking back, Bailey also ate my new glasses and a flipper! (Temporary tooth)

Years ago my wife went back to get her MBA . It was an accelerated program , she went Friday evenings and all day Saturday . She typed up a paper and put it in her backpack . She forgot about a Canadian candy bar a friend gave her . We went out for a couple of hours and came home to a mess . Our girl had gotten to the candy bar and in the process chewed up her paper . At least Shiloah left a little bit so Sharon had evidence that "My dog ate my homework."

Our corgi mix would show her displeasure at being left behind by shredding a tissue and leaving it in the middle of the floor.

I had a nice set of factory 1917 S&W grips my Shih Tzu chewed to pieces. I had placed them on a shelf and somehow they got knocked to the floor.

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I told you not to use Lifebuoy

When we were first married we left our Airedale pup in the bathroom and went out to dinner. She emptied the linen closet, gnawed everything in it and ate halfway through the frame.

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I need ammo, not a ride.