I bought my boyfriend a SuperTuck Deluxe (Combat Cut) from Crossbreed for his M&P 9c, and he loves it. He's about the same build as you describe yourself. Check it out: CrossBreed® Holsters
I bought my boyfriend a few Cabela's Tactical Shirts online- 2 short sleeve & 2 long sleeve. They're less expensive than 5.11 Tactical & Blackhawk, good quality and nice looking, have the breakaway buttons, and are great for the outdoorsy type or to wear to any casual function. My only gripe...
Based on my own experience, I suggest you either take her to a range that rents a variety of guns or let her try out guns that friends of yours may have, then let her decide what she's most comfortable with. I went several times and tried out somewhere between eleven and thirteen different...