Perceived recoil is subjective; like some, I prefer the .44 special in a medium sized snubby (296) over a J frame with any typical duty load in .38 or 9mm (my sole J frame now is a 940). I found that only the WC target load or standard velocity 158 grain SWC is a good choice in a J frame. YMMV, but I'll bet a lot that for the vast majority (98+%) of shooters, if tested with a shot timer and held to a reasonable standard, the .357 in a J frame is simply not a good choice.
To me, a J frame is almost NEVER a sole carry gun, but is only a BUG, and to be used more or less at contact range. As such, I am looking for decent penetration and controllability, not maximum potential performance that is almost certainly wasted. In my 940, I carry 147 grain gold dot at standard pressure and velocity, because it is a proven load and the least obnoxious to shoot.