by Duz Drivel
The New York Slimes
New York--- The AP reported today that the Administrators of smith-wessonforum.com had banned all troll feeding on the board, effectively letting trolls starve to death.
Mr. Idiotos Blahblah, a spokesman for the U.N., reported that they had received numerous reports of cruel and intentional troll starving on that board.
"This is unprecedented in internet history" he was quoted as saying. "The situation is growing very serious, and we are not sure we will be able to stop it in time."
Troll food can not be grown or manufactured. It is only produced when a forum participant willingly sacrifices his or her well-being and contentment by arguing with a troll.
Mr. Blahblah continued: "We cannot force them to feed the poor trolls. A resolution was introduced, but as yet no nation has agreed to supply Troll Troops to force the feedings. The situation was very grave on that board at last report. They are willing to let trolls starve before their very eyes" he lamented.
Libby Dumbcluck, a spokesperson for PETA, said PETA has become interested in getting involved since they believe trolls are not really human.
A spokesman at the SW Forum was quoted as saying "This is the first logical thought PETA has ever had."
Ms. Dumbcluck continued: "back in the 60's, when I was young and still a babe and had better things to think about, we all had the cutest little trolls hanging from our rearview mirrors, but it never occured to me that somebody had starved the poor little things to death, but I guess that hanging from a rearview mirror is better than being totally forgotten, so I guess we should all try that again rather than let them totally go to waste and just be cast aside like they never had any meaning or purpose to start with, and...".
She was still talking at press time, so the reporter cut her off........
Mr. Slickyboy Taunter, a troll spokesthing for the Beleaguered Underfed Troll Trust Society- (
BUTTS), was quoted as saying: "We have rights, too, like the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, just like everybody else, though we are not real
into that 'happiness' thing for everybody else."
BUTTS is actively seeking donations to sustain starving trolls, but contributions are few and far between lately.
Taunter continued: "I mean, c'mon folks, what is a little happiness lost compared to saving a troll?"
NEWS FLASH- Troll Genocide !
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