Fish Tale

DARE

DARE

Member
Silver Supporter
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
1,519
Reaction score
7,362
Location
Nirvana aka Texas
A couple of fisherman were sitting around swapping yarns. The first guy says I caught a nice one the other day. Got a 100 pound black bass out of my neighbors stock tank on four pound tackle. I tell you I had to work for that one. Around and around the pond to keep him from breaking me off. Took three days to land him. Of course it set several world records.
The second guy says I went fishing the other day too. At first I thought I had hooked a big one, and then I thought I was hung up. Finally was able to reel it in. It was an old rubber boot. Guess it was buried in the mud. Says I looked down into the boot and there was a Coleman lantern. Can you believe it? That lantern was still lit!
There was a few minutes of silence. Finally the first guys says, I'd take 30 pounds off that bass if you would put that damn lantern out.
 
Last edited:
Register to hide this ad
Two guys were having a drink in one of those top floor bars of a NYC skyscraper.
They get to talking about wind effects around the tall buildings. The first guy says yeah there is something called the venturi effect. It can run right up the side of the building.
Says I'll bet you $1000 I could jump out that window and survive the fall.
Second guy says your on. First guy jumps out the window and at first he falls pretty fast. As he gets closer to the ground he falls slower and slower and just kind of drops to the sidewalk unharmed.
He comes back up the elevator and collects his bet. The second guy says how about giving me a chance to get my money back? If you did it I think I can too. How about double or nothing?
First guy says maybe I was just lucky, you might not make it.
Second guys insists, so they give the money to the bartender to hold and out the window he goes. Falls like a rock and splats on the concrete.
Guy goes to the bartender to collect the money. Bartender says you are one mean drunk, Superman.
 
My dad caught this monster bass out of Lake Marion in Haines City FL. years ago.

i-WwppBZp-X3.jpg




I might have done a bit of photoshop on it thou. This was the real picture. Still weighed in at 11.3 pounds.

i-KJcF7Tb-X3.jpg


He had it mounted. This picture was taken a couple years before he died.

i-k2D5R5d-X2.jpg
 
As the great Steven Wright once posited: "There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot"

Another classic:

I heard about a man who was fishing in a county lake with dynamite. He’d throw a stick of dynamite in and it would blow up and the fish would float to the surface. The man would scrap them off the top of the water and head home with "his catch of the day". The local game warden heard about what this guy was doing and finally approached the man one day and said, “Sir, you’re in a whole lot of trouble. I want you to show me how you’ve been fishing.”


So the game warden got in the boat with the man and they went out to the middle of the lake. Sure enough the man took a stick of dynamite, lit it, threw it in, and boom! Fish came floating to the top. He began to scoop up his catch when the game warden said to the man, “Sir, number one—you can’t fish in this lake, and number two—you certainly can’t fish with dynamite! You are in a heap of trouble!"


At that instant the man took another stick of dynamite, lit it, handed it to the game warden and said, “Now, are you going to keep talking or are you going to start fishing?”
 
A man was fishing in between 15' tall cypress trees in a large lake. His aluminum boat was 36" wide, so he could really get where most people couldn't. He had the fish he had caught inside a 48 quart cooler with two smaller blocks of ice and 3" of cold water. Every time he caught a fish, he would net him and sit him on the bottom of the boat until he could get the fish into the cooler. It made a lot of racket on that still day.

The ruckus had another alert fisherman come and fish all around him, but couldn't catch one of the 1# plus male black crappie that were bedding amongst the cypress roots.

He would catch a fish that would flop around on the bottom of the boat, crash around inside the cooler, then silence would come once again.
Each time during all the noise, the man would say "Thank you, Lord!"

After another five or six fish, the man fishing all around him said, "I'd say that, too, if I could catch a fish."

The man catching all the fish answered, "I was thanking Him for my next one." The frustrated other fisherman left for other parts of the lake.
 
A pastor asked if anyone in the congregation had a prayer request. A pretty blonde woman came forward and said, "Please pray for my husband."

"What's wrong with your husband?" asked the pastor.

"He was in a horrible motorcycle accident. His scrotum was completely crushed. The doctors were able to do surgery and piece it back together. They used wire to hold everything in place. They feel like he will make a full recovery, but he's in HORRIBLE pain. Please pray for him."

The whole congregation was heard gasping and groaning in sympathy, the men in particular. Slowly a young man stood up, and said, "Honey, it's pronounced sternum."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Back
Top