Grimjaws
Member
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2012
- Messages
- 715
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Hello to all. Long time member and posted many times but this is the hardest post I have ever written. It is a long post.
Let me start and just say - my youngest son is an alcoholic.
My wife and I are struggling with this very much and our counselor suggested putting things into writing. I don't know if posting here is what she meant but I've been on this forum since 2012 and seen so many stories of triumph and heart ache. Unlike other forums you don't get a feeling of being put down or ridiculed for seeking knowledge about Smith & Wesson. Folks are always quick to help with a serial number, a value, share a great buy with photos or just talk about our common love of firearms.
I'm not looking for sympathy or recognition or thoughts or prayers. I guess I am doing this because I need to get this off my chest.
A little background
He got his love for the outdoors from Papa - my wife's father. He took my boys fishing and camping and hiking and always had an adventure. He helped raise them when the wife and I were working multiple jobs to get by. My youngest son was very close to him.
My Dad served 27 years in the US Navy and always shared his experiences with my son and frequently talked about his days in the Mediterranean and overseas during the Korean War. My son got his love for all things military from my Dad. My son had his 1955 issue wool blanket in his truck.
When senior year came around he approached us and said,"Mom and Dad, college isn't for me. I want to serve like Papa and Granddad. I want the challenge. I want the best. I want to be a Marine." He asked us to sign him up when he was 17 so he would have a better chance of getting his MOS as a poolee. He said he was just gonna join when he turned 18. So we signed him up.
A year later he graduated and off he went to Parris Island. However he carried some baggage with him. My Dad and Papa passed away before he went to boot camp. The two people he wanted the most to see him make it through and earn the Eagle Globe and Anchor couldn't be there. It tore him up inside and led to some depression.
Unfortunately his time in the service hasn't gone as planned. He injured himself months ago and has been on limited duty. The constant pain, the fact that he was far from home, being home sick and having some depression to begin with had him turn to alcohol.
Last weekend my son was black out drunk. Evidently this was not the first time. He was caught getting back on base and was facing administrative punishment, as we found out, for the second time for underage drinking.
My son reached bottom once he got caught the second time. He reached out to my oldest son away in college talking about how awful he feels, his depression, how he was going to be kicked out and how Mom and Dad would hate him. My oldest son was smart enough to reach out to us and say it was time for some intervention. We found out that my son was getting dead drunk pretty much every weekend. He drank to forget. He drank because of pain. The drinking made his depression worse.
Last week was hard. I cried as hard as I have ever cried. I blamed myself for being a lousy parent, for not seeing this earlier, for everything. My wife was devastated and we attended our first Al Anon meeting last Monday night. Things were bleak. We had no hope or idea of what to do.
A week later now and things see some improvement. At the second meeting last night they talked about the fact that alcoholism is a disease. They also talk about the three C's
- we are not the Cause
- we cannot Control it
- we cannot Cure it
As a Dad my primary role in life is to protect my family. I feel absolutely helpless.
I can't help him. I can't fix it. I have no control over this and it's killing me. We have not told anyone in our family. The Al Anon group we attend is special. The people there are very nice and we have a long journey ahead of us to deal with this. Corny as it is I view this forum group the same way - I've never experienced anything but kindness so decided to post.
In terms of my son there is some light. He is not getting kicked out. They are getting him counseling for alcoholism and depression. He won't admit he is an alcoholic but he's willing to get help - it's a start. They are looking into surgery for his injury.
At this point all we can do is love him. I am all over the place emotionally and my wife and I are really struggling. We are trying to figure out a way to go visit him while he recovers from the surgery. He said he is home sick and he misses us. The cost to go see him is incredibly expensive.
I don't want help. I'm not asking for money. I cannot tell my family - not yet anyway. I don't want to do a fund or some other charity. My Dad was a hard worker and he taught me you paid your way or you didn't do it. Again I am not asking for anything. My wife and I sat down and looked at the bills, college tuition and living expenses for my oldest son, the mortgage, the cars, our phone bill, everything and trimmed were we could.
My wife and I had a long talk. The quickest source of revenue would be to sell off most of my gun collection. So she asked me to bring out each gun and tell me it's story. It was weird at first. She wanted to know which ones had a special meaning to either me or my sons.
I realize that last paragraph sounds like a sales pitch and it is not meant to be. We are still looking at other possibilities but this one was the quickest and easiest to discuss. It was strangely very therapeutic. You would be amazed by looking at each gun and seeing the history or reason behind getting it. Some have a life to them while others are just metal or plastic. It's hard to explain.
So as time went on the keep pile got smaller and smaller and the sell pile got larger. Strangely I was OK with this.
Are we gonna sell off my collection?
I honestly don't know.
But I finally had something I could control. Even if it never happens at least I felt like I was doing something. Planning the trip and seeing how much we needed was something I could wrap my head around. i didn't feel helpless. I had a focus.
For the curious here are the guns that made the keep list
- When my oldest went off to college we wanted our youngest to know that he was not overlooked. And what soon to be Marine would be complete without a 1911? It was one of the last ones built by Remington before they closed their factory in Ilion. His older brother bought him a Ka Bar for Christmas and those two items - 1911 and the Ka Bar - are USMC icons in my opinion. My wife didn't know I bought this for him (bet that sounds familiar) but she understands why and she knows we need to keep it.
- When Papa passed away we inherited his Ithaca 37 Featherweight from the 1950s. He was one of 12 brothers and sisters so he etched his name on the barrel - it has a special meaning to my son and I.
- I have a pristine 14-4 that I use for the range. My wife knows how much I love this gun so she won't let me sell it. I am a lucky man.
- a Glock 19 as our home defense gun. My wife can shoot it pretty good and she has arthritis but can rack the slide and it's just point and shoot.
- My son worked at a car dealership in high school and used his paychecks to buy two guns with my help
- a Mossberg waterfowl shotgun and a Savage Axis .270 deer rifle. Those are rightfully his.
Funny. I have a full Liberty safe and when push comes to shove it all boils down to three handguns, two shotguns and a rifle.
So my wife and I are going to keep going to meetings. We are going to pray. We are going to help our son as best we can. And we are going to get there to see him, at the very least one of us. Last week was bleak. Today and each day gets a little better.
Thanks for reading such a long post. Thanks for listening. Thanks to all those who serve or served. And a special thanks to the United States Marine Corps for helping my son.
Let me start and just say - my youngest son is an alcoholic.
My wife and I are struggling with this very much and our counselor suggested putting things into writing. I don't know if posting here is what she meant but I've been on this forum since 2012 and seen so many stories of triumph and heart ache. Unlike other forums you don't get a feeling of being put down or ridiculed for seeking knowledge about Smith & Wesson. Folks are always quick to help with a serial number, a value, share a great buy with photos or just talk about our common love of firearms.
I'm not looking for sympathy or recognition or thoughts or prayers. I guess I am doing this because I need to get this off my chest.
A little background
He got his love for the outdoors from Papa - my wife's father. He took my boys fishing and camping and hiking and always had an adventure. He helped raise them when the wife and I were working multiple jobs to get by. My youngest son was very close to him.
My Dad served 27 years in the US Navy and always shared his experiences with my son and frequently talked about his days in the Mediterranean and overseas during the Korean War. My son got his love for all things military from my Dad. My son had his 1955 issue wool blanket in his truck.
When senior year came around he approached us and said,"Mom and Dad, college isn't for me. I want to serve like Papa and Granddad. I want the challenge. I want the best. I want to be a Marine." He asked us to sign him up when he was 17 so he would have a better chance of getting his MOS as a poolee. He said he was just gonna join when he turned 18. So we signed him up.
A year later he graduated and off he went to Parris Island. However he carried some baggage with him. My Dad and Papa passed away before he went to boot camp. The two people he wanted the most to see him make it through and earn the Eagle Globe and Anchor couldn't be there. It tore him up inside and led to some depression.
Unfortunately his time in the service hasn't gone as planned. He injured himself months ago and has been on limited duty. The constant pain, the fact that he was far from home, being home sick and having some depression to begin with had him turn to alcohol.
Last weekend my son was black out drunk. Evidently this was not the first time. He was caught getting back on base and was facing administrative punishment, as we found out, for the second time for underage drinking.
My son reached bottom once he got caught the second time. He reached out to my oldest son away in college talking about how awful he feels, his depression, how he was going to be kicked out and how Mom and Dad would hate him. My oldest son was smart enough to reach out to us and say it was time for some intervention. We found out that my son was getting dead drunk pretty much every weekend. He drank to forget. He drank because of pain. The drinking made his depression worse.
Last week was hard. I cried as hard as I have ever cried. I blamed myself for being a lousy parent, for not seeing this earlier, for everything. My wife was devastated and we attended our first Al Anon meeting last Monday night. Things were bleak. We had no hope or idea of what to do.
A week later now and things see some improvement. At the second meeting last night they talked about the fact that alcoholism is a disease. They also talk about the three C's
- we are not the Cause
- we cannot Control it
- we cannot Cure it
As a Dad my primary role in life is to protect my family. I feel absolutely helpless.
I can't help him. I can't fix it. I have no control over this and it's killing me. We have not told anyone in our family. The Al Anon group we attend is special. The people there are very nice and we have a long journey ahead of us to deal with this. Corny as it is I view this forum group the same way - I've never experienced anything but kindness so decided to post.
In terms of my son there is some light. He is not getting kicked out. They are getting him counseling for alcoholism and depression. He won't admit he is an alcoholic but he's willing to get help - it's a start. They are looking into surgery for his injury.
At this point all we can do is love him. I am all over the place emotionally and my wife and I are really struggling. We are trying to figure out a way to go visit him while he recovers from the surgery. He said he is home sick and he misses us. The cost to go see him is incredibly expensive.
I don't want help. I'm not asking for money. I cannot tell my family - not yet anyway. I don't want to do a fund or some other charity. My Dad was a hard worker and he taught me you paid your way or you didn't do it. Again I am not asking for anything. My wife and I sat down and looked at the bills, college tuition and living expenses for my oldest son, the mortgage, the cars, our phone bill, everything and trimmed were we could.
My wife and I had a long talk. The quickest source of revenue would be to sell off most of my gun collection. So she asked me to bring out each gun and tell me it's story. It was weird at first. She wanted to know which ones had a special meaning to either me or my sons.
I realize that last paragraph sounds like a sales pitch and it is not meant to be. We are still looking at other possibilities but this one was the quickest and easiest to discuss. It was strangely very therapeutic. You would be amazed by looking at each gun and seeing the history or reason behind getting it. Some have a life to them while others are just metal or plastic. It's hard to explain.
So as time went on the keep pile got smaller and smaller and the sell pile got larger. Strangely I was OK with this.
Are we gonna sell off my collection?
I honestly don't know.
But I finally had something I could control. Even if it never happens at least I felt like I was doing something. Planning the trip and seeing how much we needed was something I could wrap my head around. i didn't feel helpless. I had a focus.
For the curious here are the guns that made the keep list
- When my oldest went off to college we wanted our youngest to know that he was not overlooked. And what soon to be Marine would be complete without a 1911? It was one of the last ones built by Remington before they closed their factory in Ilion. His older brother bought him a Ka Bar for Christmas and those two items - 1911 and the Ka Bar - are USMC icons in my opinion. My wife didn't know I bought this for him (bet that sounds familiar) but she understands why and she knows we need to keep it.
- When Papa passed away we inherited his Ithaca 37 Featherweight from the 1950s. He was one of 12 brothers and sisters so he etched his name on the barrel - it has a special meaning to my son and I.
- I have a pristine 14-4 that I use for the range. My wife knows how much I love this gun so she won't let me sell it. I am a lucky man.
- a Glock 19 as our home defense gun. My wife can shoot it pretty good and she has arthritis but can rack the slide and it's just point and shoot.
- My son worked at a car dealership in high school and used his paychecks to buy two guns with my help
- a Mossberg waterfowl shotgun and a Savage Axis .270 deer rifle. Those are rightfully his.
Funny. I have a full Liberty safe and when push comes to shove it all boils down to three handguns, two shotguns and a rifle.
So my wife and I are going to keep going to meetings. We are going to pray. We are going to help our son as best we can. And we are going to get there to see him, at the very least one of us. Last week was bleak. Today and each day gets a little better.
Thanks for reading such a long post. Thanks for listening. Thanks to all those who serve or served. And a special thanks to the United States Marine Corps for helping my son.
