I didnt want to hijacki.....

[walkin jack]

....Kozmic's thread about brown baggin' vs buying lunch out but it reminded me of an incident that I'd like to share with y'all. It took several years before I could laugh about it but the humor is there and also a darn good lesson well worth learning.

Back in 1968 I was 2 years out of the service and married to my first wife. This incident played a large part in my ultimate decision to put her on the street. There were other reasons but this one was one of the most important. And now after all these years it is the one that I remember the best.

I was in college and working part time at a job that required me to be in different parts of the county on different days and times. One of my favorite days was the day each week that I was in a semi rural area that had a small but very nice little park. Lots of big old trees and beautiful plants and flowers. On these days I'd bring a sack lunch and sit in my car in this nice little park and listen to the Paul Harvey News and enjoy Mr. Harvey's stories.

I would ask my wife to make my lunch because carrying a full load in college and working 35 to 50 hours a week didn't leave me a lot of time to lay around the house. She would make my lunch but didn't really want to and would grumble while she was doing it. When she made me a lunch meat sammich she would only put one slice of meat on it. I told her time and again PUT MORE MEAT ON MY SAMMICH.

Also during that time I was an avid deer hunter, as if I had the time to really enjoy it. But I did get out at least a couple of time every deer season. It was my one way to relieve stress and unwind from the grind. I loved being in the woods by myself.

As a young fella in school and working and raising a small child the money situation was always tight. It was like, should we blow our money on food and rent or save it for an emergency?!?. We actually pinched our pennies through out the week so that we could have a bag of Fritos and a carton of onion dip on Friday nights to have with our one night a week we had to watch TV together.

But I caught a pair of hunting boots on sale and mine had been worn out for years and I decided to pop for a new pair. I paid $69.95 for a top of the line insulated and waterproof pair of hunting boots. That was a tidy sum in '68. My house payment was $67.00 Per month, just to give you some scale. Wifey hit the ceiling. Ranted and raved for weeks about it.

So the weeks and months pass by and hunting season is quickly approaching. I pull into my serene little park and open up my lunch and take out my lunch meat sammich and.....You guessed it. Only ONE slice of lunch meat. I found a pay phone after lunch and called her and chewed her out good. She hung up on me.

Two weeks later I'm at my little park again. I had forgotten about it and was enjoying the Paul Harvey News. I got to my sammich, unwrapped it and took a bite...or TRIED to. I was unable to bite through the meat. What the heck kind of meat IS THIS anyway?!

I finally gave up and took the sammich apart to see what it was. It had mustard all over it so I couldn't tell what it was. Then the little hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I got a sick hollow feeling down deep in my gut.

Oh NO!! She wouldn't..... She couldn't.....

I went straight home and stormed into the house. Went to the closet in the utility room where I kept my hunting gear and pulled out one of the new boots. It was fine. I relaxed a little bit but I still had a bad feeling. I picked up the other boot and...and...and I couldn't believe what I was looking at. She had cut the tongue out of the boot and put it in my sammich.

I turned around and she was leaning against the door jam grinning at me. That is as close as I ever came to hitting a woman. I'm talking about C.L.O.S.E. She didn't speak. She knew better after she saw the look on my face. I didn't speak because I was afraid to. She stopped grinning. I walked past her and got back in my car and went back to work.

I decided to let it go. I either had to kill her or just get over it. I saved the tongue of that boot. Got most of the mustard off it and kept it. 2 years later when I ran her off I stuck it in her suitcase. If she found it she never said.

I'm almost sorry that she was not there to see me bite into that sammich. She would most certainly enjoyed my reaction. Try to imagine the sight: a grown man jumping up and down in a parked car screaming like a banshee. It must have been a site.

We had plenty of fights and arguments during our remaining time together but neither of us ever mentioned that incident again. Oh, and I made my lunch myself from then on.

 

[feralmerril]

Somehow that reminds me of this guy who was gone from home a lot. He came home and his wife said the boys been acting up and hard to handle. That night at supper one boy said to his brother, "Pass the xxxxxxx potatoes." The father got up and beat hell out of the kid, turned to his brother and said, "Ya learn anything from that?" The kid said, "Well, I sure dont want none of those xxxxxxx potatoes!"

 

[Biginge]

Good story WJ,

Did you continue to wear the one boot with no tongue? One would think that entirely possible?

 

[carpriver]

While in the Air Force I was stationed at Wurtsmith AFBV in The Northern Lower Peninsula of Michigan on the shore of Lake Huron. My bubbies wanted to go salmon fishing. It was so close to payday and our cupboards were bare. My wife said she had some Tuna and she would make me a couple of sandwiches. She packed the lunch and I headed off to meet my friends, The lake was rough with 4-6 fool waves and a on shore wind. we were in a sixteen ft. open aluminum boat. Out on the lake I was a little sea sick, not bad but noticeable. Well I was hungry so I opened my bag lunch and took out a sandwich, took a bite and Ralphed over the side , my loving wife was out of mayo and had used mustard to mix with the tuna. the taste was more then My stomach could handle.

 

[walkin jack]

Good story WJ,

Did you continue to wear the one boot with no tongue? One would think that entirely possible?

That is a good question and I intended to mention it. I did wear the boot without the tongue that opening day. It was uncomfortable and I'm glad I didn't have to get 'em wet cause that would not have been good.

What I did from then on was to just slip the tongue down inside the boot and lace it up as normal. That worked just fined and the tongue stayed in place as if it was still attached. I wore those boots like that until I put the boot tongue in her suitcase and invited her to take a long walk off a short pier.

 

[duppie]

While in the Air Force I was stationed at Wurtsmith AFBV in The Northern Lower Peninsula of Michigan on the shore of Lake Huron. My bubbies wanted to go salmon fishing. It was so close to payday and our cupboards were bare. My wife said she had some Tuna and she would make me a couple of sandwiches. She packed the lunch and I headed off to meet my friends, The lake was rough with 4-6 fool waves and a on shore wind. we were in a sixteen ft. open aluminum boat. Out on the lake I was a little sea sick, not bad but noticeable. Well I was hungry so I opened my bag lunch and took out a sandwich, took a bite and Ralphed over the side , my loving wife was out of mayo and had used mustard to mix with the tuna. the taste was more then My stomach could handle.

You went fishing with your Jewish Grandmothers?....would it hurt them to pack some deli maybe?

 

[wbraswell]

The moral to the story is: If you don't like the way she makes your sandwich, make it yourself, or ask her if she could make it how you want, but don't call her up and chew her out for it.
Another moral: To men or women, never buy footwear that costs as much as your house payment, buy a gun instead.
Buy the way, I would have fed her the sandwich when I got home.

 

[kozmic]

So what you're sayin' is...she gave you a ration of tongue so you put your foot down and gave her the boot.

Seems about right to me WJ!

BTW Walkin' Jack, feel free to hijack my threads anytime. But in this case I'm glad you didn't because your story certainly warranted it's own thread!

I see a hug in Lady Koz's future!

 

[Mule Packer]

I'll probably hear the proverbial "sacred cow" moo after I post this...especially from the female members of this forum.

But, I firmly believe that women just don't know how to make a good sandwich. Seriously. Think about it. When these sweet little things make a sandwich, it's usually a piece of wilted lettuce, some mayonnaise that's beginning to turn, and maybe a little piece of tissue-thin chicken, all guiltily wedged between two pieces of store-bought white bread that you can practically see through.

On the other hand, when a guy makes a sandwich, he slaps a thick slab of liberally peppered roast beef, a couple slices of homegrown tomatoes, a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese, between the folds of a sourdough roll, all generously slathered with homemade horseradish sauce.

Or maybe a big slice of honey-cured ham, Swiss cheese, and spicy brown mustard, tucked between a couple of slices of thick dark rye bread.

Or perhaps several slices of smoked turkey breast, with plenty of homemade cranberry sauce on some pieces of homemade white bread.

Each of these sandwiches, by the way, weighs about the same as a half-box of high-based duck loads.

Top it off with with a Pound Sweet or Granny Smith apple, six or eight homemade molasses cookies (I'm talking about the big ones, not the ones that are only the size of a half-dollar) and maybe a big fist-sized cream puff....the kind that your grandma used to make...and that's a good lunch.

Let's see a member of the fairer sex put something like that together. It just ain't gonna happen. That's the kind of lunch that makes good company in a duck blind.

 

[Rastoff]

Wow, I mean, just wow. My wife would have thrown the boot at me, hidden the boot or just filled it with dirt, but she never would have tried to ruin something I had just spent a serious portion of my pay on. Wow.

I never asked my wife to make me lunch, she just did. On the very first day of work after we were married, she handed me lunch as I walked out the door. She didn't skimp either. Home made bread, 1/2lb of meat and all the fixin's. A co worker commented later that week, "Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts." His wife never made him lunch.

17 years later and she still gets up before me and makes lunch. I'm quite happy. She's a good shot too:

[/IMG]

 

[jimmyj]

Guys, Guys !
1. make your own sandwich
2. never spend money on yourself
3. do not kill innocent animals
4. never offer a different opinion than your wife's
5. clean up after yourself
6. ALWAYS put the toilet seat down
7. do not take up more than 24" of bed, and stay on your side of the bed
8. NEVER ask for an allowance
9. any firearms you might process, sell and buy your wife something she wants.
10. always walk six paces behind your wife to show the world who is the boss
11. always give the wife the remote channel changer
12. wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, and lawn work
13. bring your paycheck home without cashing it (the paycheck belongs to the wife
14. never look at or comment on a other woman
15. stay from under foot
16. always answer: "Yes, Dear, Of Course, Dear, Yes, Dear, or You are right, Dear, as usually"

*** if you abide by the afore rules: you can call yourself "JIMMY THE WHIMP"

 

[wbraswell]

Mule packer, I know what you mean. Have you ever seen what "they" call tea sandwiches? Cucumber sandwich? Really? And they don't even serve any chips or fries with them. And they call that civilized?

 

[Mule Packer]

Wbraswell, exactly!!! They must think that if they like those kinds of wimpy sandwiches, we must too. Bless their sweet little hearts.

 

[walkin jack]

Mr. Pakcer, Please feel free to come down here to Texas and make me a sammich any old time you feel so inclined. I have a recipe file but I've never had a recipe for a sammich before. I am fairly resourceful and can on occasion get quite creative when makin' a sammich. But I now have a "sammich department" in my recipe file and all those you put up are in it.

One thing I focus on in a sammich whether it has a lot of ingredients or just a few is to engineer it so that you get everything in the sammich in every bite. And you gotta know that ain't always easy to do.

I'll probably hear the proverbial "sacred cow" moo after I post this...especially from the female members of this forum.

But, I firmly believe that women just don't know how to make a good sandwich. Seriously. Think about it. When these sweet little things make a sandwich, it's usually a piece of wilted lettuce, some mayonnaise that's beginning to turn, and maybe a little piece of tissue-thin chicken, all guiltily wedged between two pieces of store-bought white bread that you can practically see through.

On the other hand, when a guy makes a sandwich, he slaps a thick slab of liberally peppered roast beef, a couple slices of homegrown tomatoes, a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese, between the folds of a sourdough roll, all generously slathered with homemade horseradish sauce.

Or maybe a big slice of honey-cured ham, Swiss cheese, and spicy brown mustard, tucked between a couple of slices of thick dark rye bread.

Or perhaps several slices of smoked turkey breast, with plenty of homemade cranberry sauce on some pieces of homemade white bread.

Each of these sandwiches, by the way, weighs about the same as a half-box of high-based duck loads.

Top it off with with a Pound Sweet or Granny Smith apple, six or eight homemade molasses cookies (I'm talking about the big ones, not the ones that are only the size of a half-dollar) and maybe a big fist-sized cream puff....the kind that your grandma used to make...and that's a good lunch.

Let's see a member of the fairer sex put something like that together. It just ain't gonna happen. That's the kind of lunch that makes good company in a duck blind.

 

[OFT II]

Mule Packer, you forgot that big thick slice of red onion.

 

[Mule Packer]

OFT II, you're right!!! Either a big slice of red onion or a Walla Walla Sweet. Both are super!

Walkin' Jack, if I ever get down to Texas again, I'll be sure to stop by and we can both make up some good sandwiches. I have to admit, you're one up on me because I don't have a separate category in my recipe box for sandwiches. Those examples I listed aren't really considered recipes...I was just "shootin' from the lip," so to speak, and threw together a few examples that I like. There are others, too, like several cuts of thinly sliced pastrami, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and spicy mustard on either dark rye or pumpernickel.

I think the key to making a good, hearty sandwich is to think bulk. In other words, think of something that's going to stick by you for the rest of the day and not wear off in 30 minutes.

 

[timn8er]

Guys, Guys !
1. make your own sandwich
2. never spend money on yourself
3. do not kill innocent animals
4. never offer a different opinion than your wife's
5. clean up after yourself
6. ALWAYS put the toilet seat down
7. do not take up more than 24" of bed, and stay on your side of the bed
8. NEVER ask for an allowance
9. any firearms you might process, sell and buy your wife something she wants.
10. always walk six paces behind your wife to show the world who is the boss
11. always give the wife the remote channel changer
12. wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, and lawn work
13. bring your paycheck home without cashing it (the paycheck belongs to the wife
14. never look at or comment on a other woman
15. stay from under foot
16. always answer: "Yes, Dear, Of Course, Dear, Yes, Dear, or You are right, Dear, as usually"

*** if you abide by the afore rules: you can call yourself "JIMMY THE WHIMP"

Cue whiplash sound! Bazinga!