In Memoriam (Joke)

[BarbC]

Sam died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jan. "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jan, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Joyce. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jan exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Joyce answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Jan computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My, how big is it?"

"Two and a half carats."

 

[BarbC]

Sam died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jan. "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jan, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Joyce. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jan exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Joyce answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Jan computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My, how big is it?"

"Two and a half carats."

 

[m657]

HAR!!!

 

[2Loud4You]

$6500 for a funeral?! Hell, that's cheap!

Good joke though.

 

[Careby]

A very rich man, on his deathbed, called his minister, his doctor, and his lawyer to his bedside. He said, “They say you can’t take it with you, but I’m going to try. I've decided to give each of you $500,000.00 in cash, and I'm trusting you to put it in my casket after the funeral, just before they put me in the ground."

A week later, at the graveside, the three friends discussed what happened. The preacher said, “I have to confess, when I thought about all the destitute people in the world, and the repairs needed for our church, I just couldn't bear to see all that money buried. I put half of it in the casket, and used the other half to do good things in the community."

Then the doctor said, “I know what you mean. The hospital needed a new X-ray machine, so I thought it would be good and proper to spend some of the money on something that will help people for years to come. I put $100,000 in the casket and donated the rest to the hospital. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

The lawyer replied, “I can't believe my ears. It was the last request of a good friend, and you betrayed his trust? You should both be ashamed. Well, at least one of us is an honest man. I'll have you know that just before the burial I put in a check for the full $500,000."

 

[Mr. Tree]

I believe Yogi Bera said, "If you don't go to your friends' funerals, they won't come to yours."

 

[mississippi revolverman]

Three Irishmen were best of friend. They had a pac that when one die the other would pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey on his grave.

At the funeral of the first to go the two others stood over the grave.

1 st says " I will miss our friend and here is the whiskey"

2 nd replies " I don't think he will know if we run it through one time"

 

[Airpark]

How Much for Howard?

A Montana rancher got up one Saturday morning, got into his truck and drove about 8 miles over to his neighbor's ranch.

He knocked on the door and a small young boy about 9 came to the door.

The rancher asked, "Is your dad home"?
The kid said ,"No Sir, he went to town today."

The rancher, "Is you mom home?"
The Kid, "No Sir she went with my dad."

The rancher, "How about your older brother, Howard?"
The kid, "No Sir, he needed some boots so he went with them."

The kid went on saying if you need to borrow some tools, parts for your combine, or something for your tractor. I know where dad has them and I'm sure he would not mind as you can repay him or replace them.

The rancher sort of squirmed on his boots a bit and said, "No, I was wanting to talk to you father about your brother Howard impregnating my daughter Lula Bell."

WOW! the kid exclaimed, that is something you would sure have to talk to dad about. I know he gets $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I have no idea what he gets for Howard!

 

[feralmerril]

Years ago I had a buddy who rode funneral motorcycle escourt as a extra job. He told me of working a funneral of a gypsey king. He watched their strange custom of fileing past the casket and dropping money and jewels in it. The widow sat there all broke up and crying. As people were getting ready to now go to the cemitary my buddy overheard her ask to be alone for a couple minuets with the stiff.
My buddy thought I got to see this! He peaked around the corner of the room and watched as she retrieved the loot then spit on his face!

 

[parallel]

I thought it was going to be this memorandum.