Machine Shop Humor

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misswired

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I met my yankee (Michigan) shooting buddy in a local machine shop in 2002. He was commenting Saturday on how much about southern living I'd taught him. Hearing this incident that happened last week in the small shop he works in made me extremely proud.

The owners daughter (office manager) walks into the break room just as everyone sat down for lunch. She says:" I can't let this pass as it's the second time it's happened. Someone has thrown a piece of soiled toilet paper into the trash can. Who is this gross individual and why did you do it?"

Shooting buddy jumps up from the table saying we'll straighten this out right now. Coming from the restroom back to the break room holding said piece of paper by the corner at arms length.... asks who did this? As no one answers he proceeds to closely sniff the paper saying it smells like Joe(the shop supervisor)!

The office manager screams eeewww.... I can't believe he sniffed it; :) and runs out the door. Shooting buddy tosses the paper on the middle of the lunch table while exclaiming eeewwww.... think I got some on my nose!

The break room clears out with everyone leaving their untouched lunches on the table . As shooting buddy is howling uncontrollably while pounding his fist on the table the owner walks in demanding to know what happened.

Shooting buddy says pick you out a free lunch while I tell you the story of the restroom being out of paper towels when I need to wipe some grease off my hands.

I'm proud of that boy..... well played!!!:):)
 
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There's nothing like aerospace workplace humor . When I first started at the Cape , the average age was 53 . I didn't work for nasa , I worked on the Air Force side , for Martin Marietta . There would be days with nothing to do , so we had time to think up some whoppers .

One of our leadmen was sort of famous . The elementary school kids would release balloons with their name inside and see how far they would travel . We were going to the pad and he saw one and said stop . He ran out and got it and ended up being on the news . It was all he talked about for quite awhile .

Fast forward a year . I'm telling you we could be devious . We were heading to the pad and he spotted a ballon , yelled stop . He couldn't believe his luck , we thought he'd pee his pants . He ran into the field and grabbed the balloon . When he got in , we talked him into popping it . Inside was a piece of paper that said " f... you ."
Needless to say , he didn't talk about it anymore .

I could go on and on . Frozen coveralls , grease on the cups of binoculars , filling work boots with talcum powder , super glueing the telephone down .

Finally we started launching again . But during slack times , it was no holds barred .
 
krsmith58 said:
that's just wrong . funny , but wrong
Click to expand...

He immediately knew this had been discussed between the others and narrowed down to him(small shop)....setup to happen at lunch and shame him into not doing this again.....

the fox can't be outfoxed. ;)
 
My father told me when he was in basic training there was one soldier who was always getting latrine cleaning duty and never could get the toilets clean enough for the drill Sergeant. One day he took a Baby Ruth Candy bar and placed it in the toilet in a floating dish below the rim so it could not be seen. When the Sergeant came in and wanted to know if he got the toilets clean enough this time, the private reached down picked up the candy bar and took a bite. The Sergeant turned green and ran out the building never to complain about the toilets again. He swore he watched it happen.
 
We had a guy with a weak stomach and set hin up. This is in a coal mine and you eat in what's called the Dinner Hole, a cross cut back aways from the face to be out of the dust. The only light is from lap on your hard hat.
Anyway I had a slab of Pumkin Pie and smeared a gob on the side of my boot before the victim got there. Had a buddy say what stinks around here? Shining light down to pie on my boot. Buddy says is that poo on your boot? I stuck my finger in the pumpkin and took a wiff. I said I'm not sure. Then licked it off my finger and said I believe you're right. Victim didn't leave his lunch, he lost it on the spot.
 
I've worked in machine shops most my life as a tool & die maker. Those guys say what they think whether you like it or not. Just being honest, as far as I'm concerned.
One day as we were sitting around talking during break time, the shop foreman, who no one liked, came out and said "How's it going?". I said "We're having more fun than a barrel of managers!". Everyone started laughing, he got red in the face and stomped back to the office. I said "Mission accomplished!".
 
Worked in a fire dept. Had a guy we called sarge(ex marine). He was kinda like the 2nd in command and usually a PITA on truck day. Well it was truck day when we checked the equipment over pretty carefully. Sarge was kinda squirrelly about his truck. And checked everything. well I found a bolt in the tool room...slathered a little bit of grease on it and pitched it under his truck(it was a crash truck on the airport). Well from 0800 till almost 1600 he was all over that crash truck....looking for the place that loose bolt came from. Sarge left everybody alone that day... When he found out what had gone down...I did have to pay for my play. BUT it WAS worth it. Heck even the fire chief knew what had happened and thought it was pretty funny
 
...old school machine shop humor..."Bull of the Woods"...

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Going into our Quonset hut latrine one day, I saw there was only one person sitting on the row of open stall toilets. He was totally absorbed in reading the daily paper and made no notice of my presence. Approaching the toilet next to him I said, "Smith, mover over!" He was half way to the next john before realizing he's been had. I can't repeat his comments here.
 
In the engine room of ships the hand rails are made of 1" solid steel bar and they get HOT. New guys always complain about it. I installed a 3/4" gate valve in one of the lower hand rails. When a newbie complained I'd tell him to turn on the cooling water. Next question was "where's the valve". I'd tell they that they would learn more if the went and found it, which most eventually did. When it didn't work I'd ask if they opened both valves. There was no second valve. Some would spend hours before they figured out they'd been had.
 
This was in 1966.....the scene ...Break room in the back of a bank with the old type drive-up outside . I was ready to go back out to the kiosk when the asst. manger came in and handed me a cardboard box. He said "Get that dead crow away from in front of your drive-up". I went out and got the dead crow and threw it in the dumpster. I then went back into the break room holding the box with a disgusted expression as if the crow was in it. The manager looked up from his sandwich and said "Don't bring that damn thing in here" !! I said "I thought you wanted it" as I turned the box over as if to dump it in his lap. You just gotta love the flailing dry back stroke !!
 
My wife worked in an office with a real screwball. She fashioned a fecal nugget out of a Tootsie Roll and left it on the toilet seat. The boss did not find it amusing
 
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