Some "Blonde Man" Jokes

[Krell1]

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I just wet mine."

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A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND."

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

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A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

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A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blond replies.

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

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An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

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A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

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Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!"

 

[crazyphil]

I have known a couple of real intelligent blondes. They were both
Golden Retrievers.

 

[Big Cholla]

The most intelligent dog I have ever known was a Golden Retriever. He was a National Field Champion in several categories. He certainly had more reasoning power than some current politicians. ......

 

[wbraswell]

Well, as a blonde man. I really enjoyed these. I'm sending these to some.

 

[Cyrano]

I guess I don't qualify; I was blond once but I'm gray now.

 

[Aircrewman]

Thank you for the laughs......! Very much appreciated!

 

[Jim1392]

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down…… The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble"

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!
There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."

 

[olcop]

Blonds

I guess I don't qualify; I was blond once but I'm gray now.

When I went from blonde to gray, I referred to my hair as "Silver Blonde"-----now I'm referred to as "Baldy"----I like baldy best---no upkeep
olcop

 

[zonker5]

The most intelligent dog I have ever known was a Golden Retriever. He was a National Field Champion in several categories. He certainly had more reasoning power than some current politicians. ......

I had a Golden some years ago, great dog but not as smart as folks think.

I'd be working on the car and ask for a 9/16th wrench and she'd bring me the 1/2", she never did master fractions....but she did ok with metric.

 

[HalfStack]

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

That made sense.

 

[Qc Pistolero]

I had a Golden some years ago, great dog but not as smart as folks think.

I'd be working on the car and ask for a 9/16th wrench and she'd bring me the 1/2", she never did master fractions....but she did ok with metric.

Your's is better than mine;when asked the same, she keeps bringing me the hammer!
Qc

 

[bigolddave]

Years ago, we had a new pastor with a southern accent (from the state of Washington, go figure). In one of his first sermons, he mentioned Jesus "healing the blond man". He also stated that the man had been blond since birth. Now I don't pretend to be perfect, but I have been blond from birth, and I never needed to be healed from it, although the condition has lessened somewhat in the last few years. When I asked the pastor, a young fellow in his first pastorate, what exactly was wrong with the "blond man", he said of course he couldn't see! Fine man, and a fine pastor, who helped heal some long standing rifts in the body.

 

[Warren Sear]

^^^ Was he preachin' from the Bobble?

 

[susieqz]

nice change of place from blond gal jokes.
they do get tiresome.
i'm blond myself n that takes all sorts of nasty chemicals to achieve.

 

[HalfStack]

nice change of place from blond gal jokes.
they do get tiresome.
i'm blond myself n that takes all sorts of nasty chemicals to achieve.

I think it's all because of the politically correct BS. Years years ago I never heard of blond jokes, it was the Polish jokes then.

It was then then that we don't dare to insult the nationalities.

By the way, y'all heard any Polish jokes lately?

 

[Alpo]

In one of the Destroyer novels, back in the 80s, there was an extremely rich powerful businessman, who was Polish. He said or did something dumb one day, and his daughter chastised him. "You're like those Polish jokes."

Polish jokes? What were Polish jokes? He'd never heard of Polish jokes. Nobody had the nerve to tell him a Polish joke.

So she tells him a couple of Polish jokes, and each makes him laugh.

"I've known these jokes all my life. They are not Polish jokes. They are Ukrainian jokes. Did you hear about the Ukrainian who went to college? NEITHER HAS ANYONE ELSE!" And for the rest of the chapter he's telling her Ukrainian jokes.

Guess everybody needs someone to make fun of.

 

[Rule3]

I still think "Blonde* Star" is one of the cleverest "blond" jokes.

Take off of On Star emergency assistance.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXHmCQ-R5BA[/ame]

 

[handejector]

The very derogatory ethnic jokes like the deleted Polish jokes and/or the jokes below board standards always get these threads locked.

As usual, a few spoil things for the many.....