Vet hats and morons

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kent11202

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A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a 'Viet Nam Veteran' hat.

I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend Ronn was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to WalMart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people (sic) that frequent the establishment. (Me too)

But, enough of my psychological fixes.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, pobably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vet Nam Vet?"

"No" I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that hat?"

Because I couldn't find my one for the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.

"The War of 1812 huh." the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"

God forgive but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"

"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun.

"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.

By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.

Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat.

Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat..
 
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I gave this a Like because there is not a "Rolling on the floor laughing my fool head off" button. This was too good not to pass on to a few Vet friends and relatives. Thanks for the best laugh I've had all week.

CW
 
Glad I wasn't drinking anything as I would have sprayed my screen with it. I am still laughing> You are quick witted Kent!!!!!!!!!!
Stonecove
ps please continue to visit wallmart and keep us posted!
 
Glad you guys liked it. I wish I could take credit for the story but I can't, I got it in an e-mail but it cracked me up so I wanted to share it with you. Next time I'll note it was something I received NOT something I actually did. That said, maybe I will try it.....:)
 
retirement

Your story puts me in mind of "teasing a dumb dog".

You know you shouldn't take unfair advantage of the mentally challenged - - -

"YAH BUT, it's so much fun" to see them chase their tail.

And besides, my Pa always said "Ya ask a stupid question, ya gotta expect a stupid answer"

Jim :)
 
You win! No one can top that! If so, the guy was a parnoid from drugs! Once when I first hired into my job I was working a high security post. I got a phone call from someone who wouldnt identify himself. He started asking me what we had in there etc. I might have been green but I knew he had to be a security program type investigator to check out the newby. We got ovens in here. Ovens? Yeah, to gas idiots that give out information. After a few more stupid exchanges he hung up. I guess I passed.
Once around 1965 I was working a gate at lockheed burbank on a quiet sunday. I spotted a nut walking down the street. Even at a block away I could tell this guy was mentaly off. Its hard to explain how you can tell. Sure enough, he turned and came straight up to my gate. This guy had a burr haircut, white dress shirt and old clean slacks, tall, straight as a ramrod and a very serious look. Actualy, he looked like a rough old farmer going to town in wisconsin. I am here to see the general! What general? General Eisenhower! You mean ex president eisenhower? He didnt know eisenhower had made president! What makes you think he`s here? Someone had told him that he was in that building! He pointed to a factory building. Now I figuered I had some shell shocked vet on my hands that just got turned loose after 20 years. I think someone else probley steered him my way to get away from him. Never did find out for sure as he just marched off.
When I worked lockheed palmdale several times we picked up a nut case that had a AR-15 walking outside our perimiter at night. He told us we were building space ships and he was going to kill a alien when it landed. They must have put a 72 hour hold on him as he was back again a week or so later. I remember walking in the HQ while my captain was talking to him on his level. It sure got thick in there!
 
This is my buddys story, not mine. We had another buddy, "Jerry" that was a tech or nurse at camarillo state hospital. He worked with the criminaly insane. Jerry took bill for a visit one day. Bill said a patient came up to him, got on his knees to look at bills cowboy type belt buckle. Bill probley was also wearing a hat and boots as usual.
Oh! But that is a fine looking buckle, the nut said. Why, ya look jist like Tex ritter! Kin you take me out of here to your ranch? Bill thought he would humor him and said, well, if I do, you know you will have to work real hard for me. The nut thought that over and said, nooo, that wont work! Ya see, I am a homosexial!
 
This can't top the posted hilarity, but I read some time back about a Vietnam Vet group getting together at a state gun show. The vets were SF guys, and very humble about their experiences, but they were always subjected to (and on the lookout for) phonies bragging about non-existent SF experiences. While the vets were chatting, a strange looking fellow approached wearing a variety of medals and ribbons on his chest. He pawned himself off as some big time combat operator, but was outed rather quickly by the legitimate guys ... amongst him military medals, he was sporting a Star Trek officer's badge.
 
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C'mon, time to tell the crowd that is a chain email......
 
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