When I was about 10, my dad asked me if I had ever seen a W.C. Fields movie - when I replied I hadn't he took me to one - absolutely the most hilarious time I had ever had until then.
Fields was not only a fine actor who played the drunk perfectly, but he was also an adroit juggler - often working that skill into his drunk skits.
But mostly, I like his pithy quotes. I thought I'd share a few of them here!
John
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS.”
“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a b, I forget it.”
“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”
“I don't drink water. Fish **** in it.”
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money”
“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”
“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ”
“I like children. If they're properly prepared.”
“A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. ”
“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
“Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.”
“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
“Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!”
“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.”
“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
“Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill on alcohol, women and poker?
Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.”
“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”
“You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.”
“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
