Organ donation in New Zealand is an anonymous system. It is designed that way to protect both donor families and recipients. Unless receiving an organ from a living donor who is known to them, most recipients never know any more about their donor other than the age and sex. There are some exceptions to this rule. On very rare occasions donor families and recipients will meet. But this is not common.
Recipients are encouraged, when they feel ready, to write a letter of thanks to their donor family. But it is explained that sometimes donor families want no further into the organ donation world than to know their loved ones passing resulting in other people getting to live a better life. There is no guarantee that the letter will be accepted.
Karen received her double lung transplant on the 6th March 2017. After an all night drive to Auckland from our home in Taranaki I said goodbye to her in the preparation area of the operating theatre and made my way to Hearty Towers, the name given to our national heart and lung transplant centre, to try and get some sleep. I say try, because while my body was exhausted my mind was active with two thoughts. The first one was about how Karen;s surgery was progressing. The second train of thought was for a persona and family I would never know who, in a time of loss, had given hope to strangers.
A few days after Karen's transplant I moved out of Hearty Towers to a hotel close to the hospital in case I was needed urgently. On the 15th of March I was told that Karen had developed pneumonia. Doctors then were hopeful of her recovery although that was not certain given her suppressed immune system. I was due to return to Hearty Towers the following day so that afternoon I walked he hour back to the facility to pick up our car. There was some shopping I needed to do and I would also need the car to cary my belongings back the following day.
The car radio was tuned into a talkback station. The topic concerned an article in that days main Auckland newspaper about a young woman who, on her 20th birthday, suffered a non survivable brain aneurism and donated her organs saving six lives. I thought this was recent news and that there had been another transplant I had not yet heard about.
That night I was in my room and in curiosity I searched the papers website. I was almost finished reading the lengthily article when the date of the donation was mentioned. The 6th March. I knew there had only been one organ donation made that day. This was Karen's donor and family.
I kept the newspaper page bookmarked in my phone. When Karen was recovered enough to express curiosity about her donor I told her what I had learnt and she read the article herself. The last line mentioned the family's desire to one day meet some of the organ recipients.
On Karen's birthday this year we were in Auckland for her regular transplant review. At the clinic Karen mentioned that she now felt "normal again" and was ready to write to her donor family. We were reminded to keep it anonymous. No names or identifying details and that the letter may not be accepted. On the drive home Karen asked for my help in drafting and writing the letter.
We wrote the letter over the following few weeks. The plan was to deliver it to the transplant co-ordinator at the annual thanksgiving service for donor families. The co-ordinator would pass it on to Organ Donation New Zealand who would contact the family. I reminded Karen of the expressed desire to meet some of the organ recipients and she said that two years later they amy have changed their minds.
We drove up to Auckland on Saturday for yesterdays service. On Saturday evening we met up with a transplant friend of Karen's, Emi, and Emi's husband for dinner. Also with us was Garry, a longtime friend who had been my only support person the day doctors told me Karen was not expected to survive. He had sat with me in the medical conference, talked with me afterwards and took me out to lunch until my brother could arrive later that afternoon.
At dinner I told Garry it my my turn to repay him for that meal and the others wanted to know why. When I told them Karen mentioned the news article about her donor and Em i asked if there was a photo of her. I resurrected the article and they all looked at the photos of Karen's donor and donor family.
Yesterday we attended the service. Karen chose to sit in the middle of the centre block in the cathedral. For some reason my attention was drawn to an obviously family group in the front row. I could not say why as I could only see them from the back and slightly from the side when they spoke to each other.
Karen asked me to look again at the family photograph of her donor, just in case they were there. When the service got under way the first speaker after the introduction was the family I had noticed in the front row. As they turned to address the rest of us I recognised them as Karen's donor family.
As the mother spoke I felt a strong desire to approach them afterwards and to thank them, but I knew I could not do that. She spoke of meeting the 11 month old girl who had received her daughters liver and the girls mother and I knew that they still would want to meet Karen. Fortunately the next speaker was a lung transplant recipient of 7 years who said to the donor families almost word for word what I had wanted to say. Afterwards I was able to go and thank this speaker for her words.
After the service was over we met up with a few transplant friends, including Emi. When Karen told her that he first speaker and been her donor family Emi was surprised and told us that her daughter had been a friend of Karen's donor. They had been at university together.
I guess that sometime soon I will actually get to tell the family what I have wanted to say for over two years.
Recipients are encouraged, when they feel ready, to write a letter of thanks to their donor family. But it is explained that sometimes donor families want no further into the organ donation world than to know their loved ones passing resulting in other people getting to live a better life. There is no guarantee that the letter will be accepted.
Karen received her double lung transplant on the 6th March 2017. After an all night drive to Auckland from our home in Taranaki I said goodbye to her in the preparation area of the operating theatre and made my way to Hearty Towers, the name given to our national heart and lung transplant centre, to try and get some sleep. I say try, because while my body was exhausted my mind was active with two thoughts. The first one was about how Karen;s surgery was progressing. The second train of thought was for a persona and family I would never know who, in a time of loss, had given hope to strangers.
A few days after Karen's transplant I moved out of Hearty Towers to a hotel close to the hospital in case I was needed urgently. On the 15th of March I was told that Karen had developed pneumonia. Doctors then were hopeful of her recovery although that was not certain given her suppressed immune system. I was due to return to Hearty Towers the following day so that afternoon I walked he hour back to the facility to pick up our car. There was some shopping I needed to do and I would also need the car to cary my belongings back the following day.
The car radio was tuned into a talkback station. The topic concerned an article in that days main Auckland newspaper about a young woman who, on her 20th birthday, suffered a non survivable brain aneurism and donated her organs saving six lives. I thought this was recent news and that there had been another transplant I had not yet heard about.
That night I was in my room and in curiosity I searched the papers website. I was almost finished reading the lengthily article when the date of the donation was mentioned. The 6th March. I knew there had only been one organ donation made that day. This was Karen's donor and family.
I kept the newspaper page bookmarked in my phone. When Karen was recovered enough to express curiosity about her donor I told her what I had learnt and she read the article herself. The last line mentioned the family's desire to one day meet some of the organ recipients.
On Karen's birthday this year we were in Auckland for her regular transplant review. At the clinic Karen mentioned that she now felt "normal again" and was ready to write to her donor family. We were reminded to keep it anonymous. No names or identifying details and that the letter may not be accepted. On the drive home Karen asked for my help in drafting and writing the letter.
We wrote the letter over the following few weeks. The plan was to deliver it to the transplant co-ordinator at the annual thanksgiving service for donor families. The co-ordinator would pass it on to Organ Donation New Zealand who would contact the family. I reminded Karen of the expressed desire to meet some of the organ recipients and she said that two years later they amy have changed their minds.
We drove up to Auckland on Saturday for yesterdays service. On Saturday evening we met up with a transplant friend of Karen's, Emi, and Emi's husband for dinner. Also with us was Garry, a longtime friend who had been my only support person the day doctors told me Karen was not expected to survive. He had sat with me in the medical conference, talked with me afterwards and took me out to lunch until my brother could arrive later that afternoon.
At dinner I told Garry it my my turn to repay him for that meal and the others wanted to know why. When I told them Karen mentioned the news article about her donor and Em i asked if there was a photo of her. I resurrected the article and they all looked at the photos of Karen's donor and donor family.
Yesterday we attended the service. Karen chose to sit in the middle of the centre block in the cathedral. For some reason my attention was drawn to an obviously family group in the front row. I could not say why as I could only see them from the back and slightly from the side when they spoke to each other.
Karen asked me to look again at the family photograph of her donor, just in case they were there. When the service got under way the first speaker after the introduction was the family I had noticed in the front row. As they turned to address the rest of us I recognised them as Karen's donor family.
As the mother spoke I felt a strong desire to approach them afterwards and to thank them, but I knew I could not do that. She spoke of meeting the 11 month old girl who had received her daughters liver and the girls mother and I knew that they still would want to meet Karen. Fortunately the next speaker was a lung transplant recipient of 7 years who said to the donor families almost word for word what I had wanted to say. Afterwards I was able to go and thank this speaker for her words.
After the service was over we met up with a few transplant friends, including Emi. When Karen told her that he first speaker and been her donor family Emi was surprised and told us that her daughter had been a friend of Karen's donor. They had been at university together.
I guess that sometime soon I will actually get to tell the family what I have wanted to say for over two years.
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