Jon651
Member
In celebration of our nation's birthday, I thought it would be nice to post something I did for a creative writing project many years ago. It has a slightly humorous slant to it, but I think it is quite appropriate.
Here it is (drum roll, please...):
You might be an American if…
Happy Birthday, America!
Here it is (drum roll, please...):
You might be an American if…
- You've ever used the words “pilgrimage” and “Disney World” in the same sentence.
- You’ve driven down a street and seen a church next to a synagogue next to a mosque next to a bar, and the only thought that passed through your mind was “I see Bill finally painted his house!”
- Baseball, basketball, football, hockey, soccer, lacrosse, chess and beer pong can all be considered our “National Sport”.
- Soccer is soccer – not football.
- You would never consider punishing your daughter for GOING to school.
- You "go to war" with the neighboring town every year - and it revolves around a high school football game.
- You’ve never considered killing your neighbor because he doesn’t attend your church. You might consider it, however, if his dog craps on your lawn just one more time...
- The terms “cross-cultural” and “ethnic diversity” make you think of food.
- You wouldn’t consider shunning another religion because it would ruin the annual interfaith picnic that everyone looks forward to in July. Boy but those Baptists sure do make good potato salad!
- You don’t think it’s unusual to see opinions from both ends of the political spectrum printed in the same newspaper.
- The only weapons you see in a parade belong to the high school drill team, and nobody is randomly shooting up into the air.
- Four armed men in a pick-up truck aren't a threat, they are just hunters - and one of them is your no-good brother-in-law.
- The government hasn't - and can't - shut down a newspaper, TV or radio station just because they don't like their politics.
- Almost everything you own was produced in another country but you are uncomfortable watching a foreign film.
- You’ve ever tried to make someone understand English by speaking it s-l-o-w-e-r and LOUDER.
- You’ve never had to worry about either the Army or the Church enforcing the law.
- The only ones allowed to hate the police are the firefighters. Why? Because the damn cops never pay for the coffee they drink at the fire station, that's why!
- You consider the military “Us” and not “Them”.
Happy Birthday, America!
