Is it the kids today...or just me?

[Mule Packer]

Dang! I must not be able to communicate very well. Got contacted the other night about one of the kids that lives in our town. His folks wanted to know if I could "help."

The kid is fifteen years old and has already had some "problems" at home. He's threatened his sixteen-year old brother and seven-year old sister with a butcher knife. I guess he told them he was going to gut them like a fish. It was so bad, they had to call the authorities. He was taken away for about a week for "observation."

Anyway, he's home now and the main problem, as I see it, is the kid doesn't know how to work. His idea of exertion is sitting on his big fat [couch], eating ice cream, and playing his X-box all day long.

His parents asked if he could come over to my place and work for me. I told them it was okay as far as I was concerned. Apparently he had previously worked for one of the other guys in town and told his parents that the old boy was a "slave driver." I told them if he thought ol' Wade was a slave driver, he'd hate me, because I make Wade look like a ***** cat.

Then, I sort of laid things out. I explained that I wouldn't ask him to do anything I wasn't willing to do right along side him...that included everything from shoveling manure to digging thistle out of the pastures to topping off some young mules.

He was supposed to show up over an hour ago. He hasn't shown.

Did I say something wrong?

My buddy across the road thinks it's because the kid heard about me answering my door one night about 10:45 with a .45 in my hand. My friend says that might've put the kid on edge.

I don't know. I'm thinking that if his folks call again, I'll just tell them that I can't use him. What do you think?

 

[Arik]

No i dont think it has anything to do with guns. What does working for someone have to do with their guns? Its not like you walk around drunkenly, shooting at objects. On thee other hand, he has shown a history of laziness and no desire to work.

He just doesnt want to work.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

 

[Onomea]

Depends on how tender hearted you are. If he does show, and you succeed at making him work, and he learns to respect the work, it could turn his life around.

Not very likely though. He's probably a goner.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

 

[vigil617]

Depends on how invested in the kid you want to be, Mule Packer.

Granted, he doesn't sound like a good candidate so far, by not showing up. Who could blame you for not wanting to take on somebody else's problem?

It's probably not the kid's idea to come work for you; it's the parents'. I imagine the kid's not at all interested, especially if he thinks you'll be a tough boss and not brook any (cow dung) from him.

The parents probably are at wits' end with him, and hope somebody else will be able to get through to him.

So, are you invested in this kid, or not? If you are, you already know what you're getting into. If not, probably better for both of you if you "can't use him."

If -- and it's a big if -- the kid is willing to give it an honest try, it might make a big difference in the long run. Especially if, in addition to offering him the opportunity to work his tail off at an age when boys don't usually like to work their tails off, you might be able to offer him a little something extra, like teaching him how to shoot, or to ride, or such as that. (And if the parents are on board with that.)

Tough call, I'm sure. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[S&W45Colt]

What's your gut telling you? Pray about it, the do what your heart leads you to do. That's my advice.

 

[Iggy]

You can help him all you can and then he'll steal your guns.

 

[glenncal1]

My buddy across the road thinks it's because the kid heard about me answering my door one night about 10:45 with a .45 in my hand. My friend says that might've put the kid on edge.[/QUOTE]

Anyone knocks on my door at that time at night, I guarantee that I will have some steel in my hand if I open it. Nice of you to try and help the family but I think this kid has more problems than shoveling a few road apples will fix. good Luck.

 

[arjay]

I wouldn't take this one on,that kid has mental health issues.
My father would get an occasional request like this and then assign them to me when I was in my early 20s.None of them worked out.The worst one vanished after a few weeks and finally turned up in Florida.He was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.I couldn't define what was wrong with him back then,but after trying to work with him that first day I knew he was nuts.

 

[Jst1mr]

The formative period is long gone - take a giant step backwards.

 

[wbraswell]

15 is too young to give up on. He's probably more scared of work than your .45. If you can, try to converse with him, and be sure give him gloves, cause he's sure going to get some blisters. If he's from N. Utah, it's not like he's from Detroit, or Newark.

 

[tops]

You can help him all you can and then he'll steal your guns.

And if they are chained and locked he will steal the chain and lock. Larry

 

[shouldazagged]

If this kid has threatened his siblings with a knife and mentioned gutting them, he needs psychiatric evaluation pronto. He could just be an angry teenager who isn't getting his way, or it could be far more serious.

I have one relative and one friend each of whom has a teenaged boy who has been diagnosed as a true sociopath. These are people with something missing: they are incapable of empathy or concern for others. They can kill someone without remorse, torture animals, steal quite casually, etc., etc. They can also be very believable. In both the cases involving people I know the juvenile courts mandated home incarceration, which puts parents and siblings in an impossible situation.

Before offering this kid a job I'd urge his parents most strongly to get him evaluated by someone competent to diagnose his problem in depth. I have great respect for juvenile court social workers, but most of them are not sufficiently trained in that level of diagnostic work.

No, it's not "the kids today". This kid doesn't fit easy generalization. Lots of others don't for positive reasons.

 

[ChattanoogaPhil]

If he is that fat and lazy, then it sounds like to me that work begins at home. Even if he lives in an apartment there should be things to keep his fat self moving.

When I was a kid my parents never ran out of work for me. Wash the cars, yard work, clean the garage, give the dog a bath, mop the the kitchen floor, clean all the windows in the house (I hated that) fireplace... on and on... or just be dad's go-fer when he was working on the car, house or TV (TVs had tubes back then and it was fun to use the tube tester at the grocery store). Dad was NEVER at a loss to keep me busy. SLAVE DRIVER!!

 

[finesse_r]

Look farther than the children for blame

The kids today are a product of the parents today, the schools today, television today, movies today, music today, but mostly of parents or lack of parents today.

First off, we no longer have stable families where the mother is home to supervise the children. Over 50 percent of marriages today end in divorce, and a lot never take place as some women choose to be single parents, and some are single parents out of necessity. We always had a little of this but today it has become the norm, not the exception.

Second too many parents are afraid to discipline their children and want to be friends rather than parents. Children need discipline from an early age, and they need to learn there are consequences to their actions.

Third too many parents don't have or don't make the time and effort required to teach their children responsibility. It is easier to just do all the work themselves or hire it done or let it slide.

Good parenting is difficult and relentless work. It is not just providing food, clothing, toys, and shelter. Good parenting requires time with the children, and not just an hour here or there and justify it by calling it quality time. All time spent with your children is quality time, but they need a large quantity of it, not just a taste every once in while.

The idea that a single parent is as good as two parents is absurd. Now in an emergency we all do the best we can, but to plan on being a single parent is child abuse to my mind.

There are not many women who can deal with adolescent or teenage boys. Unfortunately our brave new world global society is predicated on destroying the family unit, and the result is the children you are complaining about.

All that separates us from our caveman ancestors is the socialization that we provide through first our family units, then through schools, media, and peers. When we allow our basic family and schools to be decimated by government regulations, we deserve the children we are now getting.

So none of us should look to lay the blame on these children, although they will have to carry the burden. Rather we should all look in the mirror to cast blame for we as a society have allowed these terrible changes to take place on our watch.

 

[Wyo]

At the risk of sounding a bit harsh, why are you willing to take on the parents' job for them? Looks to me like they're just wanting to shuffle their responsibilities off on you. If they want him to work, they should put him to work! I can't imagine they can't find anything for him to do! Looks to me like they just want you to be the bad guy so they won't have to do it themselves. I'd stay away from the whole mess.

 

[snubbyfan]

That boy needs to be taken out back and have the laziness "disciplined" out of him.
In our town, "old fashioned" values still apply. There's generations of families living in these hills. Kids work hard mowing lawns in the summer and shoveling snow in the winter. They say "sir" and "Ma'am."
Yeah, we don't have cell service and people consider us "backwards" but it works for me.

 

[finesse_r]

At the risk of sounding a bit harsh, why are you willing to take on the parents' job for them? Looks to me like they're just wanting to shuffle their responsibilities off on you. If they want him to work, they should put him to work! I can't imagine they can't find anything for him to do! Looks to me like they just want you to be the bad guy so they won't have to do it themselves. I'd stay away from the whole mess.

No way am I willing to take on the parents job for them, nor do I believe it is possible for society to do the job for them.

I am just answering the original post which asks what's with children today, and explaining why things are the way they are. I think we need to put more responsibility for these kids back on the parents that failed to properly raise them, not just dump all the blame on the children alone. Our responsibility is to change the laws, and social morays that precipitate slack parenting and that encourage bad behavior in children.

I am saying if we continue to allow the current situation to continue we have to share in the blame for the destruction it produces. We need to stop embracing change for change sake and realize there are traditional ways of rearing children and maintaining families that worked well for centuries, and our recent departure from those in the name of progress is destroying us.

Our problems as a society and as a nation are much more fundamental than taking on the parent's job for them. And just sitting back and saying, oh what a bad kid, is avoiding the real problem. I don't mean the child gets to duck responsibility either, but it is not the child alone that is causing this.

Children will do whatever they can get away with pretty much. That is why they need two strong parents. If you never teach a child any better, it is foolish to expect better out of them.

And the parents of today in greater and greater numbers are not teaching their children anything. They delegate it to society, to television, to movies, and to schools as your post suggests, which is doomed to failure. Our schools and our media have disintegrated even faster than our nuclear families.

It does not take a village to raise a child, but it does take at least one highly committed parent, and preferably two committed parents. All that is required of the village is not to set up laws, or social programs, or incentives that interfere with or break down our traditional nuclear families. In short a village that dose not put minority rights above majority rights. That is the antitheses of a democratic or representative form of government. For most of these destructive changes have been as a direct result of minority special rights.

Getting into this anymore would breach the posting ethics of this site.

 

[ImprovedModel56Fan]

Snubbyfan is probably correct; Wyo is surely correct. What were the results of his psych eval? Were there recommendations? Were they realistic? Are they being followed? Do any of the police folk involved have any serious comments? It is to your credit to want to help, but this might be a very dangerous situation, not so much physically as legally.

Not enough info for me. Maybe not enough info for you, either.

JMO.

 

[old bear]

Mule Packer, if you can give the kid one more chance. It may be one of the few chances he will be given to turn his life around. Do remember though the young man in question is the only one who determines how his life turns out.

 

[Biginge]

Kinda hard to fix "broke folks". Being an old drunk, quit in 1977, I have seen quite a few hard cases in my quest to help out. Unfortunately, there are a few that just can't make it. Some do. I will never turn down the opportunity to try and help someone, and Mule Packer you are a commendable soul for your efforts.

The one thing I tell my "students" is "I am not going to work harder on your problem than you do." Then we set out from there. I am a BIG advocate of the "tough love arena." Heres the boundaries, get it or get in the road.

I applaud your efforts of trying and wish you, and mainly him, only the best. This is a tough one Mule. Just play her by ear.