This might work for you non-Swedish Married Guys-
Ole and Sven, two Swedish fighter pilots, were planning on boozing after some hotshot low altitude flying. Ole's wife, Lena, was not real happy about her husband pushing it up with Sven after a day of flying fighters. So Ole left Lena this absolutely bullet proof text. You gotta love dose Swede's!

OLE TEXTS LENA ...
“Lena, I’m having 1 more beer with Sven. If I’m not home in 1 hour .... read this message again.”

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NRA LIFE MEMBER

That is a good one.

Another clean Ole and Sven joke. That makes 3.

Can't see them drinking beer. Now Akvavit would be more like it.

Ole died. Lena goes to the newspaper office to print the death notice.
The clerk asks her, “What do you want it to say?”
“Ole died.”
The clerk looks up. “What else?”
“Nothing else.”
“But Lena, you were married to Ole all those years. Don’t you want to say anything else about him?”
“Nope.”
The clerk thinks a minute. “You know, Lena, it won’t cost you any more if you add a little. The first ten words are the same price.”
“Ten words, and it won’t cost extra?” she asks.
The clerk nods.
Lena thinks hard, then says, “Ole died. Boat for sale.”

Ole told Lena one morning that he was going to chop down 20 trees in the woods with his ax and he would be done by suppertime. He worked and worked all day long and could only chop down one tree. He was so tired that when he came in for supper he went right to sleep without eating.

The next morning Ole gets up bright and early and tells Lena: "I am goin' into town to pick me up vun of dose chain saws. Dat der ax yust don't vurk to good." So Ole heads off into town and stops at the hardware store to buy a chain saw.

He tells the hardware store owner what he wants and the owner says: "Ah, here's the chain saw you want and it is guaranteed to cut down 20 trees in a day."

Ole gets all excited and says: "Dat's yust vhat I need! I'll buy it."

So Ole takes his new chainsaw home and gets up bright and early again the next day. He works all day and can still only cut down one more tree. He is beat red while he tells Lena: "Dis here chain is a piece of yunk! I am going to get my money back!!"

He storms back into town the next day to return the chain saw. He tells the hardware store owner: "Dis here chain saw you sold is defective. You told me I could cut down tventy trees and I could only cut down vun!!!"

The store owner looks puzzled and says: "Oh?, let's see if it works OK." The store owner proceeds to start up the chain saw and it runs perfectly normal. BRRUMMMM....Mmamamamama.....BRUMMMMM..mmamamamama

Ole jumps back in horror and yells: "VHAT'S DAT NOISE????"

You can always tell a Swed, You just can't tell them much.

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Vietnam 1969-1971

Lars, Sven and Ole are out hunting, in the deep woods, and they get lost. Late that night, cold, hungry and thirsty, Sven stumbles upon a bottle in the dead leaves on the ground, and thinking it might have something drinkable in it, pulls the cork.

Out comes a genie. The genie tells them that, normally, he would give the one that freed him three wishes, but since there are three of them, he will give them one wish each.

Sven, he thinks hard for a moment, and then he says, "I vish I vas home."

POOF. He disappeared.

Ole, he says, "Py damn, dat is vun fine damn idear he had. I vish I vas home, too."

POOF. He disappeared.

Now the genie looked over at Lars. Lars looked around, at the deep, dark, unfamiliar woods. He says, "Py damn, I be scared out here all alone. I vish dem udder guys vas back here."

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I always take precautions

I would feel violated,


but i'm laughing to much

This was recited, in part, by Uncle Chris, in I Remember Mama. Wonderful poem.

"The Battle of Copenhagen"
by E. C. Stangland


Ten t'ousand Svedes ran tru da veeds
Chased by vun Norvegian
Ten t'ousand more ran to da shore
In da battle of Copenhagen.

Vay, vay back in history
Back ven da vorld vas new
Norvegians searched all over
To find some snoose to chew.

Dey fished for Lutefisk and Torsk
It helped to make dem strong
And you and me, ve know a Norsk
Cannot do nutting wrong.

But Svedes and Danes were envious
Of Viking trips and raids
Da Viking shields and helmet horns
Made all dose folks afraid.

T'roughout da world da Vikings sailed
To Ireland and France
Dey even found America
Vun afternoon by chance.

My grandpa says, and he should know,
Da Svedes made up their minds
To beat da Norsky Vikings
And kick a few behinds.

But history, so Grandpa says,
Shows dat da Norskies von
Dey clobbered all da Svedes and Danes
And made it lots of fun.

Ten t'ousand Svedes ran tru da veeds
Chased by vun Norvegian
Da dust from da veeds made snoose for da Svedes
And dey called it COPENHAGEN!

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I always take precautions

Drinking beer is essential for Sweds.

Beer in Sweden - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why don't you send me some for tasting!

I prefer anything over lager but I'll try that too! I liked Norway's Einstok!

I wish i could
it would make a Great "Karma thread"

Let's try! There's gotta be a way!!!!

In Sweden that would be "Go straight to jail, do not pass go"

Smuggling alcohol is a Very Big NO NO here.

That is why we have "Systembolaget"

Systembolaget - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

But your not smuggling in, youre sending out!
(Hey km trying my hardest here!)

That is so stupid bug I can relate. Here in Pa we have what's called the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board. Which really really needs to go away.

Wine and Spirits
All hard liquor and wine is state controlled. Can be bought only in state liquor stores. Beer is sold at private owned beer distributors only, or at a bar. You cannot buy either beer or liquor in a supermarket. THE Wine AND Spirit shop have a limited selection because the Pa gov decide what they will sell. They only stock what sells in that area. The store by my house has more selection then the store by my work.

Beer
In the last 10 years the beer laws have relaxed a little. Before you couldn't buy either on Saturday or Sunday unless you were at a bar. However, at a bar you can only carry out two six packs at a time. You cannot buy a case of beer from a bar. Only a beer distributor can sell a case. If you want more you had to go put those two in your car and come back in to buy a maximum of two more.....or bring more people with you. Today beer distributors are open Sunday so you can buy a case. However. ....lol....beer distributors cannot sell individual six packs

Good thing that NJ isn't far away. It's about the only good thing in that state. All their alcohol business are private owned and can sell beer, wine, liquor in the same place. Usually the prices are a little cheaper and the selection is large. Many of the stores are warehouse sized.

I grew up in a Norwegian neigborhood. They would say:

"Ten t'ousand Svedes ran tru da veeds
Chased by vun CRIPPLED Norvegian."