When I was about 10, my dad asked me if I had ever seen a W.C. Fields movie - when I replied I hadn't he took me to one - absolutely the most hilarious time I had ever had until then.

Fields was not only a fine actor who played the drunk perfectly, but he was also an adroit juggler - often working that skill into his drunk skits.

But mostly, I like his pithy quotes. I thought I'd share a few of them here!

John


“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS.”

“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a b, I forget it.”

“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”

“I don't drink water. Fish **** in it.”

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money”

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ”

“I like children. If they're properly prepared.”

“A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. ”

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”

“Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.”

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”

“Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!”

“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.”

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”

“Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill on alcohol, women and poker?
Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.”

“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”

“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”

“You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”

__________________
- Cogito, ergo armatus sum -

Fields played the drunk perfectly because during filming he was pretty well inebriated a lot of the time. He was also something of an artist with a pool cue.

W. C. Fields was a complicated man, though. He was quite intelligent and had a fairly extensive library in his home. He was somewhat insecure because he hadn't had much of a family and home life as a child.

There's no doubt in my mind that in his comedic prime, he was one of the wittiest people of his day, and could have held his own with the likes of Dorothy Parker and S. J. Perelman.

His grandson, Ron Fields wrote a book about him in the early seventies. I had it in hard cover when it was first published, but made the mistake of lending it to someone, and never saw it again.

"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once,'' W.C. used to say. ''She drove me to drink. It's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.'' He was referring to his wife, Hattie.

Too many good scenes to post, but this will start...

Great book! W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography. I have a treasured copy of that one. Can still be had very reasonably via Amazon sellers.

"Anyone who hates kids and dogs can't be all bad."

Another great book is "Fields for President," written by himself. I had a copy once, but our young dog decided to take it off a table and chew it to pieces. Fields probably would have been glad that our dog found it so enjoyable...

John

__________________
- Cogito, ergo armatus sum -

Inflation is so bad it has gone up over a dollar a quart.

__________________
In Omnia Paratus

I'm a little too young to remember his movies, but I have seen a few of them on TV. He was famous for some of the odd names of his characters, and that was because he was an admirer of Charles Dickens, who also invented odd names for the characters in his books. He was originally from the Philadelphia area, and often threw in derogatory zingers about Philadelphia. He loved Scrapple (a popular sausage-like Philadelphia staple of uncertain ingredients) and had it shipped to his home.

He never trusted banks. He opened accounts under assumed names all over the country when he was on the road in vaudeville. No one knows how many or under what names, so probably many were never found after he died.

According to a family member, as a young juggler he would sometimes literally practice till his hands bled.

A couple more stories about Fields:

When he was near death, a friend walked into his hospital room and found him, to the friend's surprise, reading the Bible. "I'm looking for loopholes," he said.

His estate was next door to Anthony Quinn's home. Part of his schtick was pretending to hate small children. But when Quinn's toddler son, who was two or three as I recall, slipped away from his nanny and drowned in Fields' swimming pool, Fields drained the pool and never went near it again.

__________________
Oh well, what the hell.

Saw on a TV show one time where they were speaking of W.C.

Story went when filming he always had bags of oranges on hand and ate them all during the day...he would get tipsy during filming cause the oranges were injected with Vodka........

__________________
Hipcocked & Locked

I can remember listening to him as a kid on old rerun radio shows my folks liked to listen to. Back in the early to mid 50's, just about all our entertainment was in the form of radio shows.

Fields worked on a movie with child star Baby LeRoy. During the morning break Baby LeRoy would usually have a big glass of orange juice waiting for him. Once Fields got so tired of Baby LeRoy stealing his scenes that he spiked Baby LeRoy's orange juice with an ample supply of vodka. A few minutes later back on the set Baby LeRoy passed out. "The kids no trooper!" Fields proclaimed as the child star was carried off the set, worthless till the next day.

Fields was known to be a pretty fair golfer, you can see him in a couple of the Bobby Jones instructional shorts. Jones, as well as a few other stars swore that the more Fields drank the better he would play.

__________________
LIVE FROM THE DAWGHOUSE

William Claude Dukenfield = a master at his craft.............ive enjoyed watching many of his movies.....

__________________
There's nowt so queer as folk

One of my favorites. I tried to emulate W.C., especially when playing golf. The more I drank, the better I thought I played. I need to try the oranges doctoring.

__________________
Inconsistently consistent

I've heard that his tombstone says "all in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia"

Loved His movies,The Dentist and the Bank Dick are two of My favorites.
He was even really good in the movie David Copperfield even though His part wasn't that big.

“Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.”

__________________
It's The Carbonaro Effect!

I still have a VHS tape with a documentary on Fields, called W.C. Fields, Straight Up, with a lot of interviews with people who knew him and worked with him, family friends, and his grandson/historian.

- The bank account thing: He had about a dozen accounts, all in his own name, around the country. Made sense to protect your money in the days before the FDIC. Although later he used to joke: "I also have $10,000 in the Bank of Berlin, just in case that son of a beach Hitler wins."

- The drinking legend was one that was absolutely true. One studio worker recalled Fields' wake-up call, that he delivered to Fields' room first thing: Three bottles of beer in ice, along with a cooled bottle of I.W. Harper.

- "Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill on alcohol, women and poker? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it."

This scene was in the documentary, the dialogue was a little different. Not at all unusual, given that many movies and scenes were re-done versions of his earlier work, and Fields was famous for ad-libbing.

"Was I in here drinking last night, and did I have a $20 bill, and did I spend it all? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it."

That bit, from W.C. Fields of all people, helped me to stop drinking. When I saw it, I laughed and thought "Man, you did lose it, and now all you got is a hang over."

- One bit of behind the scenes chat between Fields and a movie director:

Director: How are you doing today, Bill?
Fields: Ahh, I feel like a June bride.
Director: Oh, yeah? How does a June bride feel?
Fields: I wonder...

__________________
TEAM DNF

I was going to mention both of those. I dont know which I like better? probably The Bank Dick.

My late brother was fiendish about cracking me up at inopportune moments. One day we were shooting pool and I was beating him. I had a tricky shot for a possible win, and just as I began the stroke Gerry went into W.C. Fields' voice and said, "Her father only let her go out on alternate Bastille Days..." Took a while to find the cue ball, after I got up off my knees on the floor.

__________________
Oh well, what the hell.

Speaking of pool, this bit had me laughing so hard I was nearly in tears.

__________________
Keep on Chooglin'

Not true. Just his name and birth and death years.

Yep, that's the one. Funny thing is, I can still picture it in my mind on my bookshelves in my former house. I suppose I could buy another copy. Have to be a first edition, though.

This is a perfect example of his humor. You had the sense it was ad libbed,,whether it was or not.

My favorite Fields film was the short "Fatal Glass of Beer". Still ain't a fit night out for man or beast!

I enjoyed both!
I think, "The Dentist" was pretty risque' for it's time!

__________________
It's The Carbonaro Effect!

I loved his movie " The Orange Grove " . I think that was the title .

Fields hated the censors and would try anything no matter how little past them. Not a great picture but look at the window.

Attached Images

bank dick.jpg (7.3 KB, 53 views)

__________________
LIVE FROM THE DAWGHOUSE

I don't know how that guy in dark suit, could keep a straight face during that scene? I wonder who's funnier at playing pool? W.C.Fields or Rodney Dangerfield.



Dangerfield of course:

Throwing this one in just because it's funny:

Don't remember which movie it was in but it's a line I sometimes use myself - "Go away kid, you bother me." (but I don't really mean it)

rolomac

My old lady gets irritated because when I come home late, when
I come in the door I holler " I have Arrived" . My other favorite
is " Snifter?, musta missed her", equally irritating the old lady.

You know, in honor of Mr. Fields, I believe I'll go have a little glass of "sheep dip".
Scott

Ah, yessss - strictly for medicinal purposes....

John

__________________
- Cogito, ergo armatus sum -

Can't believe I forgot to mention all his lines that got repeated so often they turned into cliches.

- According to you, every thing I like is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

- You're crazy.
You're drunk.
Yeah, but in the morning I'll be sober, but you'll be crazy the rest of your life.

- (Dealing cards)
Is this a game of chance?
Not the way I play it, no.

- We thought you were dead!
A Stubbins may sleep much, madam, but he seldom dies.

- Like my dear old grandfather said, before they sprang the trap: You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.

- It's a funny old world; man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

- The "Ain't a fit night out" quote. My Dad used to say that, it wasn't until I was full grown that I realized it came from Fields.

__________________
TEAM DNF