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  #1  
Old 01-21-2025, 07:20 PM
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Default The Old Joke "It is so cold outside"
How cold is it?
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Old 01-21-2025, 07:24 PM
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In one of the Paul Bunyan stories one winter it was so cold that whenever anybody talked their words froze in the air. Then the spring thaw came, they all melted, there was an awful racket.
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Old 01-21-2025, 07:30 PM
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To quote Robin Williams: It's colder than a witch diggers brass monkey!
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Old 01-21-2025, 07:34 PM
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The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:
Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked. "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold." The meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes." The man at National Weather Service again replied. "It's going to be a very cold winter."
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely." The man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen."
"How can you be so sure?" The chief asked.
The weatherman replied. "The Indians are collecting bunches of firewood."
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Old 01-21-2025, 08:14 PM
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Default a few......
it's so cold.....
Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets...
Lady Liberty put her torch inside her dress....
A Greyhound bus had the dog on the inside...
You could mug me with a bucket of water....
Hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs....
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Old 01-21-2025, 09:49 PM
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Remember all the things you said you’d do when “Hell freezes over!”?

Get started!

Kevin
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Old 01-21-2025, 10:47 PM
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Remember all the things you said you’d do when “Hell freezes over!”?

Get started!

Kevin
Many people are not aware but there is a village in Michigan named hell. It freezes every year because it is in Michigan.

The picture showing ice hanging from it, is a real sign in the village.
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Old 01-22-2025, 12:32 AM
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The fireplugs went looking for the dogs.
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Old 01-22-2025, 12:35 AM
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Pueblo, Colorado here. Record low overnight, -10F.

I brought all the brass monkeys inside overnight.
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Old 01-22-2025, 01:32 AM
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It's most cold here for the next couple days.


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Old 01-22-2025, 06:56 AM
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This morning I saw a dog frozen to the tire of a parked car by a yellow icicle.
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Old 01-22-2025, 07:54 AM
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It’s so cold, the global warming alarmists kept quiet for a few days.
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Old 01-22-2025, 08:50 AM
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2 degrees Fahrenheit here in Central NJ, not a record, the Winter of 1993-1994 we had several Zero Degree and below Zero Degree days. Nearby Princeton NJ opened several warming centers, they can use the climate hucksters and their political allies to heat them with their hot air.
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Old 01-22-2025, 09:19 AM
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Paul Bunyan, as stated above, during that winter he always had to make a second fire to keep the first one from freezing.
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Old 01-22-2025, 09:56 AM
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Having a cold snap here in San Antonio, dropped to 20 at 6 AM this morning. I bought a couple of Freeze Misers for my outside water faucets, put them on yesterday. They seem to be working, but are a little expensive. Has anyone else used them? How It Works
– Buy Freeze Miser
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Old 01-22-2025, 10:03 AM
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20 miles East of the "House of the Mouse," my "sources" tell me Mickey and Minnie have both Pluto and Goofy up on the bed. Joe
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Old 01-22-2025, 10:21 AM
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I had to put a quart of antifreeze in the thermometer just to get it to come up to zero!


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Old 01-22-2025, 10:36 AM
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Default "Night of the Unwarm"
Well we survived what the Weather Guessers were calling a terrible cold blast. At 0500 it was -4F, at 0900 it was +1F. I never let it get below 69F inside the condo. Next time I may start a fire by rubbing two Campfire Girls together!

Ivan
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Old 01-22-2025, 10:39 AM
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It was a Three Dog Night.

Behind the Band Name: Three Dog Night - American Songwriter
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Old 01-22-2025, 10:41 AM
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It got cold enough here in AZ my wife and I decided to not go to the pool this morning!
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Old 01-22-2025, 10:45 AM
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Baton Rouge Louisiana - yesterday 7-8 inches sneaux on my front porch .
This morning 6:30 he temp was 09 degrees ...

I left the refrigerator door open to let some heat in the kitchen .

I saw a man ski down Bourbon Street in New Orleans !!!

Snow boarding on the Mississippi River Levee ... La. doesn't have any mountians or many hills ...

This is just insane ... Can I get Global Warming back ... this global freezing sucks rocks ... I'm Cold !!!
Gary
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Old 01-22-2025, 01:10 PM
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This cold!
My daughter at -4 degrees in Portland ME..

Sent from my SM-S921U using Tapatalk
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Old 01-22-2025, 01:34 PM
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It got so cold that boiling water froze so fast the ice was still hot!

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Old 01-22-2025, 01:37 PM
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It's so cold here in S. FL the NY'ers are taking blood thickeners.
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Old 01-22-2025, 03:25 PM
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So cold the methheads are only stealing catalytic converters from running vehicles.
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Old 01-23-2025, 11:34 AM
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Even Chuck Norris has had to put on a sweater.
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Old 01-23-2025, 12:47 PM
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For the uninitiated, a "brass monkey" provides a way to stack cannonballs. It's in the form of a square, made of brass, with indentations for the bottom cannonballs in the pyramid. Brass and cannonballs have different temperature shrink rates when the temperature drops. The brass monkey shrinks a bit, and the cannonballs will not. When the brass monkey shrinks, it disturbs the pyramid and the cannon balls will tumble off. Hence the familiar saying. Now you know the rest of the story!

John

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Old 01-23-2025, 12:47 PM
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Was -10 here in ky on Wednesday morning, had to send this to my fla friends
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Old 01-23-2025, 12:48 PM
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Remember all the things you said you’d do when “Hell freezes over!”?

Get started!

Kevin
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Old 01-24-2025, 01:08 AM
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Originally Posted by PALADIN85020 View Post
For the uninitiated, a "brass monkey" provides a way to stack cannonballs. It's in the form of a square, made of brass, with indentations for the bottom cannonballs in the pyramid. Brass and cannonballs have different temperature shrink rates when the temperature drops. The brass monkey shrinks a bit, and the cannonballs will not. When the brass monkey shrinks, it disturbs the pyramid and the cannon balls will tumble off. Hence the familiar saying. Now you know the rest of the story!

John
Thank you for posting this! For years I have worried needlessly about those old antique brass monkey posts by the front porch. No artillery around here so now I can sleep better on cold nights.
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Old 01-24-2025, 02:29 AM
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Bird gun. You pic brought a large belly laugh from this old guy. Here I sit all alone and roared. That was a good one. Thanks.
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Old 01-24-2025, 10:19 AM
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just a bit chilly for friends & family...
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Old 01-25-2025, 08:00 AM
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Weather report: Snow-followed by small boys on sleds.
Been in the teens and twenties here in Central NJ, the kiddies staying inside. We had 2-3 inches, fairly powdery, easy to deal with.
I have been working on my strategy. Years ago I read in one of my mother's womens' magazines "Giving your kid a sled for Christmas will sweep every snowflake from the sky for the next 6 weeks." So I buy old sleds, fix them up, hand them out...
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Old 01-25-2025, 10:07 AM
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Many people are not aware but there is a village in Michigan named hell. It freezes every year because it is in Michigan.

The picture showing ice hanging from it, is a real sign in the village.
Here are a couple from a sister city in Norway…(but in nicer weather)
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Old 01-25-2025, 11:32 AM
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Default "It is so cold outside".....
....I've put out a BOLO for my pecker.
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Old 01-25-2025, 12:14 PM
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For the uninitiated, a "brass monkey" provides a way to stack cannonballs. It's in the form of a square, made of brass, with indentations for the bottom cannonballs in the pyramid. Brass and cannonballs have different temperature shrink rates when the temperature drops. The brass monkey shrinks a bit, and the cannonballs will not. When the brass monkey shrinks, it disturbs the pyramid and the cannon balls will tumble off. Hence the familiar saying. Now you know the rest of the story!

John
Very Interesting!
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Old 01-26-2025, 12:14 AM
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Cold as a room full of ex-wives.
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Old 01-26-2025, 12:27 AM
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A favorite I've posted a few times before. Baby, It's Cold Out There:

https://youtu.be/7MFJ7ie_yGU?si=y6JYxUKZNNBR9wEE
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Old 01-26-2025, 01:06 AM
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I looked out the back window this morning and saw two beagles trying to jumpstart a rabbit.
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Old 01-26-2025, 01:16 AM
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Cold as a room full of ex-wives.
I guess it would be impolite to ask if you're speaking from experience.

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Originally Posted by ExcitableBoy View Post
I looked out the back window this morning and saw two beagles trying to jumpstart a rabbit.
Oh... This brings up a number of potential replies, but, ya know, I'm just not going there...
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Old 01-26-2025, 07:35 AM
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I remember as a kid, reading a book about Davy Crocket (a little golden book if I remember right.) It said it got so cold that the sun froze coming over the mountain, and Davy had to climb up there with a bucket of bear grease, and grease that old suns gears and give it a sharp kick to get it moving again.

I never heard a better "It was so cold" story. I can still see the picture of Davy striding across the mountains with a bucket in one hand, and his rifle in the other.

I used to fish all winter. People would ask me if it ever got too cold to fish. I would always reply, "If I back the boat trailer down the ramp, and it doesn't sink...It's too cold to fish."
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Old 01-26-2025, 11:43 AM
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I guess it would be impolite to ask if you're speaking from experience.

I never got married, but my best friend went through 3 of them before he got the message. And, of the 4 weddings I was a groomsman at not a one is still married. Sad, but true.
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Old 01-26-2025, 08:08 PM
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Heard the expression many times. The morning the temp went down to 17 I woke up with a 25 pound Chi mix against each hip and a 70 pound Anatolian across my legs. The question became were they keeping me warm or was I keeping them warm?

The Pyr is 15 years old now and and has trouble getting up in the bed or she probably been there also.
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Old 01-27-2025, 11:17 AM
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20 miles East of the "House of the Mouse," my "sources" tell me Mickey and Minnie have both Pluto and Goofy up on the bed. Joe
There's another joke about Minnie & Goofy, but I don't want to get banned.
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Old 01-27-2025, 03:06 PM
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There's another joke about Minnie & Goofy, but I don't want to get banned.
Mickey to the marriage counselor, "I never said she was crazy..."
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Old 01-27-2025, 11:23 PM
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Stopped by the local Tractor Supply store, bought insulated insoles for my L.L. Bean and high top rubber boots. Felt the difference immediately.
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Old 02-17-2025, 03:58 PM
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Just bumping this thread with any update.
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Old 02-17-2025, 07:35 PM
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You know it's cold in Moscow, when even the traffic cops lower their ear flaps...
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Old 02-17-2025, 08:47 PM
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Just bumping this thread with any update.
I'm just south of that, headed to -20 to -25 tonight. High today was -7.
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Old 02-18-2025, 12:52 AM
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Cold enough that I'm more than sick and tired of it.
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