My favorite low recoil ammo for the J-frame was the Federal 125gr Nyclad, but they've been out of production for a few years now. I'm still hoarding the couple of boxes I have left.
The 130gr Defend JHP ammo from Winchester looks promising. It's a standard pressure, low velocity round. I've been wanting to try it, but every time I went looking I couldn't find it.
Hornady makes some HP rounds in this category, but I'm not familiar with them. Perhaps others will chime in.
So, if I were in your position, I would probably go with 148gr midrange target wadcutters. Low recoil, capable of cutting a good wound channel (especially if you can find hardcast wadcutters), and minimal risk for overpenetration, compared to other non-HP bullets. They're also easier to find than the aforementioned HP loads.
The biggest downside is that they may be difficult to reload under stress. Fortunately, reloads are very rare in self defense encounters so it's not likely to be needed, but you could always try reloading them to see if it would be an issue or not, or carry ammo with a more rounded/angular profile as your reload.
I will add one caution. There will likely be some people who will recommend Buffalo Bore's "standard pressure" loads. The problem is that they still generate +P velocities, which also means they will generate +P recoil, which has been proven to be the case in my experience. I would caution against them if you're looking for a low recoil load.
I would also recommend doing a search of the forum as this topic has been discussed many, many times.
