"A ***** walks into a bar"......(keep it clean but funny)

[nostraDONus]

A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender snarls, "What'll you have?"

The duck says, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender spits and says "We don't have grapes here, we serve drinks, now get out!"

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve grapes here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, infuriated, pounds his fist on the bar and yells at the duck, "I told you two times we don't serve grapes here, we serve drinks! If you ask me that ONE
MORE TIME I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"

With that, the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool and waddled out.

The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked, "Got any nails?"

The bartender, puzzled, said no.
The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any grapes?"

 

[gettysburg]

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says " why the long face"

 

[gregintenn]

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind in here. The string leaves, dips himself in water, rubs himself repeatedly against a lightpole, and contorts himself into a half hitch. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "Hey! Aren't you the same string I just threw out of here?"






"NOPE!" says the string............."FRAYED KNOT!!!!!"

 

[NFrameFred]

A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this a joke ?"

 

[K38]

A Hot Dog walks into a bar. The bartender says "sorry we don't serve food in here."

DLB

 

[K38]

A panda walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a sandwich. After he finishes he pulls out a gun and kills the waiter and walks out of the bar. The bartender chaises him down and says " you can't do that!" The panda says "sure I can, look it up" The bartender gets out a dictionary and reads: Panda, a large black and white asian ursoid, eats shoots and leaves.

Dwight
Hope I told it right

 

[Double-O-Dave]

A dog with an injured foot limps into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I help you?" The dog says: "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."

Regards,

Dave

 

[Brett248Vista]

hahahahaha the Panda one.....

 

[yaktamer]

A robber walks into a bar, pulls a revolver and says, "Give me the money."

The bartender says, "Hey, is that thing pre-lock?"

 

[zercool]

A duck walks into a bar, orders a beer, and leaves. As he's walking out, the bartender says, "Hey, you gonna pay for that?" The duck replies, "Nah, just put it on my bill!"

A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

Three guys walk into a bar. You'd think the third one would've ducked.

 

[mlk18]

Nancy Pelosi walks into a bar with a small mixed breed dog.

The bartender says "get that mutt out of here".

Nancy Pelosi says "this dog has every right to be here and I am offended at the manner in which you addressed him".

The bartender says "I was talking to the dog".

 

[scorvers]

A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The batrtender asks," Where'd you get him?" The parrot replies,"Well, it started as a small boyle on my butt......."

 

[Rugskipper]

A Dobie, a pit bull, and a chihuahua walk into a bar and order a beer.

In walks a very lovely poodle who says, "hey boys, if any of you can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in sentence I like, I'll go home with you."

The dobie starts to slobber, and blurts out "I love liver and cheese!"

The poodle, unimpressed, says "Not very original", and looks at the pit bull.

Being a pit bull, he roars "I HATE liver and cheese!!!" and though he scares everybody in the room, the poodle remains unimpressed.

The chihuahua winks at her and leans over to his buddies at the bar and says,


"You gringos liv 'er alone, chee's mine!"

 

[kmyers]

Clean, but it always gets a 'that is terrible' comment.

A baby seal walks into a bar and orders a drink and when the bartender asks what the baby seal will have the seal tells him anything except Canadian Club.

Groaner LOL!

 

[RobertJ.]

A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll ya have?"

The baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club" !

 

[RobertJ.]

Clean, but it always gets a 'that is terrible' comment.

A baby seal walks into a bar and orders a drink and when the bartender asks what the baby seal will have the seal tells him anything except Canadian Club.

Groaner LOL!

I can't believe someone beat me to that! By seconds, apparently!

 

[Chik a Boom]

A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get out, we don't serve your kind here." Mushroom says, "Aw c'mon, I'm a fungi."

 

[Guero]

So, a skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop.

 

[rags]

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says " why the long face"?

Never heard that one before!

rags

 

[clubleaf206]

A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, did you know that there's a drink named after you?" The grasshopper replies "You have a drink named 'Steve'?"