Alzheimers Revisited

[Kanewpadle]

I posted here about a year and a half ago about my father in law and that moved in with us. He has Alzheimer's and dementia.

Terrible, terrible disease. We thought we were prepared and boy were we wrong.

Took him a few weeks to settle in. He kept wanting to go home and he tried to escape a few times. He threw his belongings into a pillow case and made a break for it. I had to install double keyed deadbolts on the doors to keep him from wandering off. He wasn't happy about that.

He insisted that he still had a drivers license and a car but we convinced him that he didn't. Then he wanted to go to his boyhood home of Philadelphia and see his brothers and sisters. We had to tell him that they were all dead. He was the only one still alive.

Some days he has a moment of clarity and says that he knows something is wrong with his brain. So we tell him of his condition and he says "no wonder I can't remember anything!"

There are days when he doesn't know who we are. He sometimes thinks I'm just another patient and asks me when I'm going home. Then he asks when he's going home. Sometimes he will ask my wife when she's going home.

The sundowners syndrome is really kicking our butts. He sometimes gets up in the wee hours and wonders the house. He fell the other night but we still haven't found out why or how.

He keeps worrying that we will send him to an "old person's" home. It bothers him. We reassure him that we will not. He say's "I don't want to be with those old people!!"

Then there are days when he thinks he's only 55 years old instead of 83. He wants to go get a job so he has money in his pocket. So my wife gives him a few dollars and he's happy.

He eats ALL DAY LONG! And he will only watch COLOR John Wayne movies!! So my wife will show him all the John Wayne DVD's for him to choose. He say's "I've never seen that one!" He doesn't remember watching it yesterday. But once the movies starts, he recites the lines before the actor does.

Having him here has been very difficult but we wouldn't have it any other way. It's put a strain on our marriage. If we haven't been married for so long I might worry. My wife and I have only left the house together once. He just will not tolerate anyone else in the house.

But the most important thing is that he's happy here and well taken care of.

Some advice for those that are faced with caring for someone like this. Do some research well ahead of time if you can. There is help out there if you look.

My FIL is a 22 year Navy vet and retired county cop. So with his pension and medical, he/we don't have to pay a dime. Which is nice.

Sorry for the long read.

 

[max]

I can't begin to tell you how much respect I have for what you are doing. My dad tried to take care of my mother and he did except for the last month. After she died, he had a heart attack and the Dr felt he had a previous attack but did not tell anyone.

Do not let his illness destroy you and your family. At some point you may have to put him in a facility. It is not a failure on your part, it is what you must do.

 

[Kanewpadle]

I can't begin to tell you how much respect I have for what you are doing. My dad tried to take care of my mother and he did except for the last month. After she died, he had a heart attack and the Dr felt he had a previous attack but did not tell anyone.

Do not let his illness destroy you and your family. At some point you may have to put him in a facility. It is not a failure on your part, it is what you must do.

Thank you sir.

But he will never be put in a home. That alone will kill him. When we need additional help, we will hire someone.

 

[TACC1]

Kanewpaddle, you are good people.
TACC1

 

[Kanewpadle]

Kanewpaddle, you are good people.
TACC1

Thanks Tacc.

Just a thought. I have helped many old folks through the course of my job and many of them had memory problems with nobody to take care of them. It's sad.

It has been a learning experience and one that I have discussed with my parents. They are elderly also. So we are making plans in case this happens to them.

 

[Vulcan Bob]

You Sir, are a good man. If you have never gone through this you have no idea of the pain and grief you suffer as you watch your loved one deteriorate before your eyes. Takeing care of an Alzheimers victim at home is a very difficult thing to do as it demands 24/7 attention and just about every second if they are still mobile. This takes a terrible toll on the caregivers over time. Alzheimers took my Mother and is now takeing my eldest sister as well. In both cases we took care of them at home until it eventually became necessary to put them in a care facility as our small family force of caregivers became overwhelmed over time. I will keep you in my thoughts and try to take care of yourself as well.

 

[hfl73]

Alzheimer's is a cruel disease. It takes your loved ones away from you in bits and pieces. My mother is currently in the late stages of the disease. My father was her primary caregiver until last December 26th when he collapsed and died of a heart attack. My brothers and I took turns looking after her for a month until we could find a facility for her. She needs 24/7 care. It was an incredibly difficult task. After that experience I am convinced her disease helped kill my father. Fortunately, my father left enough money to get her a suitable placement. My suggestion to you and your family would be to find a memory care unit that specializes in Alzheimer's and Dementia care. We initially placed her in an assisted care facility because we were assured by the staff that she would fit in well there. She was alright for about 6 months before we were advised they couldn't meet her needs any longer. The disease will only get worse it never gets better or goes into remission. A memory care unit is the best. I know exactly what you are going through. I hope things work out for you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing through this ordeal.