ARE FORMAL FAMILY REUNIONS NOW OUT OF DATE?

[twodog max]

I think even the funeral gatherings are on the way out. It seems more and more the family has no service either at their or the departed request.
My own family was scattered to the wind before I was born so paternal side gatherings were impossible. Maternal was only slightly more connected but even that went away many decades ago.
Now people substitute social media as contact but really it is no contact at all. Most of that stuff my wife shows me, I do not nor will I ever do farcebook, is a phony as a 3 dollar bill.

 

[cadmike]

Timely thread. I am in Ohio for a family reunion today.

I would not use the term formal to describe our family reunions. They do not happen regularly, perhaps once every 5 to 10 years. There are always segments of the large extended family that may not attend, but it is a family reunion none the less. I don't always attend myself. 13 hour drive from Maine to my Brother's place in Columbus. And that's hauling hiney.

Looking forward to seeing some folks I haven't seen in a long time. Burgers and dogs on the grill and plenty of summer salads. Plan on having corn on the cob. A beautiful day for it here in the heartland.

You all have a great day.

 

[NYlakesider]

My mothers side used to have big family get together s. I remember going to one that probably a 150 attended. I was age 16! People came from all over the country. We were lucky it was held at a fire deptmenrs picnic field about 50 miles away. The majority of the family came from the Schoharie Valley area of northern NY.

It sort of died out about 30 years ago.

 

[DWalt]

My father came from a very large family and he had 11 siblings that survived into adulthood, and at least four others who died in infancy. Back in the early 1970s we held our only family reunion at a state park. Nearly all of my father's siblings and their families attended, as I remember about 50-60 were there. I met many of my relatives there for the first (and last) time. There are barely a handful of those who attended that reunion still alive, just some of my first cousins that I have not spoken with for many years. No living aunts and uncles remain.

 

[rustythread]

"Formal"? Does tha mean that everybody has to wear shoes?

 

[WardenRoss]

We used to have large reunions but they've disappeared. Only on the book of faces now.

My Great Grandmother had 13 children and 43 grandchildren. She was the only midwife in the county and delivered all of her grandchildren. She passed in 1932.


My Great Grandparents' wedding day (Dec. 19, 1883, Chula, Georgia).

We owned large farms and were a close knit group. Even though all the boys travelled the world in WWI and WWII.

Her father-in-law (my GG Grandfather) was killed at the Battle of the Wilderness in 1864. The reunions seemed to center around his memory and memorial.

Time rolls on. I provide all this info for my children and grandchildren (9th generation Southerners) but there is no interest.


,

 

[ACORN]

My wife's family is mainly from the Grafton-Phillips West Virginia area. We went to a reunion a few years back in Arden.
My MIL will be 93 this month so a lot of the relatives have passed and perhaps understandably the youngsters aren't interested.
As I age out I enjoy talking to my elders. Hearing their experiences and opinions.
I wish now I had started earlier.
Once they're gone so is their knowledge.

 

[zeke]

Have never been to (or even heard of) one, and the immediate family is pretty widely scattered. While am related to anyone with the same last name, there ain't that many of us.

 

[otis24]

Families used to live closer together and formed stronger bonds. Now that our society has become more mobile, they have spread apart and haven't formed the bonds. I'm at a family reunion as we speak. We're in the same delimma. My wife's parents are older. My wife and her cousins have taken over the responsibilities of planning and organizing. As her parents generation ages and passes, I'm sure reunions will come to a halt. I give it five more years max.

 

[jimmyj]

Family reunions, school reunions, military reunions, etc, all have identical issues. Age, medical issues, death, travel distances, budgets. all these become justification for members unable to attend. Loss of interest also become factors.
I am old , alone and handicap surviving on a small pension. If I am aware of a reunion in the future, plans to attend is my top priority. I am aware that at these reunions many of my comrades this is the last time I will see them again, so this is a main reason to attend and visit with them again.

 

[Onomea]

My three siblings and I, and my three first cousins, and my eldest cousin's daughter, and most of our spouses, 12 all together, gathered for a family reunion in Savannah last fall. My wife and I flew from Oregon. Others flew and drove from Colorado, New York, New Jersey, DC, Virginia and Kentucky.

We ranged in age from mid 50s for the eldest cousin's daughter, to mid 80s for eldest cousin's spouse.

In Savannah, we mostly stayed in our own digs, within walking distance of one another, and gathered at a house that my sister and brother rented, sitting in the yard and talking, catching up with one another. Some of us were there for four nights, and others for three. On the third night we held a dinner at a restaurant. We made short speeches and toasts of gratitude to our parents and to our aunts and uncles who have gone before us.

I initially suggested the idea via email. We then discussed the reunion for several years before finally settling on a time and place that worked for everyone. Everyone paid their own way. We split the cost of the restaurant dinner.

It was, I think, the first time we were all together since my eldest cousin's wedding back in the the late '60s, although varying numbers of us have gathered for holidays, weddings and funerals in the years since.

We were all quite close as children. The reunion is something that I think meant a lot to us all. Part of the motivation in gathering was that we realized that it was unlikely that we would be able to do this again as we grow older, increasingly infirm, and pass on.

 

[Nevada Ed]

Todays family and childen scatter to other states or towns which puts getting together,
harder in these times with the cost of travel, air far, motls etc, needed to get back to the old home site meetings.

I know of a lot of people that still have family meetings a lot, but these type of families have a very strong Religion beleif, that helps bond the family members.

It does seem to be a dying thing as the youngsters "Fly the nest" to go to where their new jobs or friends are.

Just my family tree of still living is scatterd from as far north as Seattle, across to Idaho, down to Texas, across to Florida, up to Georga, etc.

A future air line trip to Teas for just two is going to cost $1,200.

Just the fact of making it happen with time off for everyone is a major doing.

 

[PALADIN85020]

The last (and only) family reunion I attended was in Kentucky in 1970. The occasion was that my wife and I were visiting Kentucky and many of my dad's clan were still around for a get-together. I brought a large computer printout of all the data I could find on the family members. My copy is sadly missing now. It was a great meeting, but now just a fuzzy memory. Time moves on.

John

 

[erikpolcrack]

My extended family participates in two on-line Zoom/Skype meets most weeks. One is mostly the older women (usually mid-week) and the other is all ages, with a lot of younger participants (weekends). Several of the weekend participants are couples linked to similar 'in-law' groups as well. This keeps us widely linked-up and aware.

 

[LVSteve]

Money, transport, and I suspect some fallings-out mean that reunions have never been a thing in our family back in the UK. My father was an only child whose relationship with his mother was broken by his teenage years. His dad died a few months before I was born. Dad had cousins, but I never met any of them, and to my knowledge, neither did my mother.

My mother's sisters are still alive, and most of their families are in one county. Again, I know of various other aunts, uncles, and cousins on my mother's side, but I've met very few of them, and that was back when I was a kid.

My late first wife told me stories of her family's pilgrimages from CA back to IA. Some of the events she described turned my stomach. Certain people deserved shooting.

Wife#2 has siblings I've never met, despite numerous visits to their city. If she tells me there is nothing to be gained by seeing them, I'll accept her council on the matter.

As for the general thing of reunions in the US, just getting time off to travel given US industry's attitude to personal time is a major obstacle. Throw in the current cost of gas and air fares, and the difficulties mount.

 

[NYlakesider]

Well I sort of had a unofficial small family reunion last September.

We drove the 70 miles to the very rural about 2 acre cemetery my maternal great grand parents and my grand parents along with a few of my aunts/uncles are buried. Was cleaning the mold off the stones and a car that was at the other end came over. A older man about my age (late 70s) asked me are these any of your relatives. He said he was distantly related to some of the people in this section I was working on.


We did a little talking and low and behold we kinda figured out that we were distantly related.

He in fact had attended the same large family reunion I wrote about in my post 23!. Interesting coincidence.

 

[Brian Parrish]

Yes!

The close families get together too often so not everybody will come. We get together at Christmas, Thanksgiving, July 4th, and the Autumn leaves thing in the mountains in the Fall. That one is called the reunion. Nobody will travel to all of those, so some come to one while others come to another, very rare to have everybody there. I told the family females, "It is not a reunion!" so now it is called "the leaf trip".

After my Momma died it was up to my oldest daughter to try to get the extended family together. I explained to her that in the olden days it was only once a year, and you were expected to clear your schedule and be there. Otherwise, the only time the extended family comes together is for a funeral! Even so it does not extend beyond the grandmother level. The last time I went to a formal family reunion was 1980 or so. It included the siblings of both my maternal grandparents and all of their families. Grandma was long gone by then and Grandaddy was elderly.

The typical families of today are all busted up by divorces and hard feelings. Some of them get some people together at Christmas and they all talk about how to "survive" the confrontations that inevitably result.

Kind Regards!
BrianD

 

[Krogen]

I grew up with gatherings at holidays. There were visits in between. By and large, the family met up fairly regularly. As said above, once the matriarch or patriarch passes, families tend to splinter. It's just like a family tree. Looking up, it converges on a point at the top. As you age, you look downward and the tree branches out from your position. Splinter is inevitable. Add to that, we've found many more ways to stay in touch instead of face-to-face. More's the pity, but at least we do stay in touch.

Perhaps the best family reunion I attended was after I got into genealogy. Short story is that Grandpa Krogen had two other families before he ran off to Canada with Grandma Krogen. Two families that none of us knew about. We tagged him "Romeo Krogen."

Dad was ecstatic to learn he now had four more siblings and associated families. Up from five to nine! Many of us met in California for an epic reunion and again a few years later in New Orleans. It was a hoot to meet relatives we never knew about. Interesting similarities in our appearances and mannerisms suggested we were all indeed descendants of Romeo Krogen.

Sadly a number of them are gone now. The rest of us keep in touch, but get-togethers have dwindled. Good memories and photographs remain.

I'm grateful for the family gatherings I've experienced. It is sad they're less common. The world, she is a changin' I figure.

 

[jimmyj]

My wife came from a large family and I was an only child. My wife was 12 years younger than me. We attended Her family get togethers, diiners, reunions, etc.
My wife developed terminal cancer and I was her care giver for over 2.5 years. After the funeral the sister-inlaws, brother inlaws, etc came to the house, not for a visit but to see if they could get my wife's jewlery, clothes, etc. When they discovered that my wife's belonging were going to our children they all left and I never saw or heard from them again. if was like I never existed.

 

[venomballistics]

I remember them in my youth .... I remember the kids table, being too old to relate, and never old enough to join the adults.
The last I attended, I had a cousin that was finally old enough to be interesting, so I stuffed him in the car and went out lookin for trouble.
That was probably the best reunion I can remember. It was devoid of kids table enforcement, full of hair pin turns, switchback roads. chick whos names we don't care to recall and aliases we could barely keep straight.