Bittersweet Anniversary

[ameridaddy]

This morning I took my sweet, funny, loving, kind and generous wife to a memory care facility. She thought it was a lovely place (it is) and had no idea she was leaving her home of 41 years forever.

When I came home alone, the Andy Griffith Show was still playing on the TV in front of her now empty chair, where she was watching it before we left.
The sight of that empty chair tore me up.

The rational me knows the good people at that home can do things for her that she needs, things that for me, at my age and decrepitude, were becoming more and more difficult. Caring for a loved one with dementia really does become a 36 hour a day job.
The emotional me feels like I let her down and deceived her to get her to the home.

I didn't plan her move for a date specific, just worked on the transfer logistically and it fell in place today.
Well, today is also the 15th anniversary of my radical prostatectomy for cancer, and I've now been blessed with 15 years cancer free.
That should be joyful, but somehow, today, it falls flat.

 

[S&W ucla]

Sometimes the right decision can be the most painful. Prayers for you and your wife in this difficult time.

 

[44specialfan]

Sir ...
Your works speak volumes of your love and devotion to your wife. The picture of her and her smile show a very kind, loving soul. I pray that you will find peace with the action you have reluctantly needed to take and that she will receive the care and attention from a professional staff that you both would want.
God's Peace to you both.

 

[Skeet 028]

You have my sincerest condolences. You have made a decision that I never want to have to do. I helped my mother go through the same with my grandmother. It is beyond being a hard thing to do. Prayers from us here!

 

[Erich]

God be with you both.

 

[long colt frazier]

Prayers to you and your family.

 

[CH4]

Lump in throat...

 

[Rustyt1953]

I showed this to Ruthie. She has worked in a long-term Dementia/Alzheimer's care facility for 25 years. She understands the anguish and compassion that went into your decision (her mom and dad both ended up in long-term care).

I will forever sing the praises of nursing home and hospice care nurses. Theirs is a calling that few answer. Bless them all.

 

[sceva]

One of the hardest things I ever had to do was place my step-mother into a memory facility. We were able to have her own bedroom furniture couch etc and she acclimated well. The only good thing that came out of her dementia was that within a couple of months she forgot she smoked and never had another cigarette.

 

[LVSteve]

I feel for the OP. I vividly recall the day my first wife left our home for the last time, 30 December 2010. She was suffering gastric issues connected with her cancer and its treatment. Unfortunately, she was all too aware of what was going on.

 

[Tom S.]

As painful as the day has been, remember to be happy that you can still go visit her, talk to her, reminisce with her and be with her. Too many of us can no longer do that with our wives.

 

[CajunBass]

I feel for you Brother. My older sister is suffering from the same thing and I'm afraid it won't be too long before someone, most likely, her husband, also a prince of a man, will have to make that decision.

I pray for you and your wife, and that I never have to face it myself.

 

[SteveA]

Praying for you all. Went through the same thing with my mother in September of '22. It was tough but had to be done. She passed last October. The staff that worked with her were amazing people.

 

[lkabug]

Prayers for you and your wife.

 

[dave1918a2]

Prayers for You and Your wife. Went through that with My Mom from 93 until She passed in 95.

 

[PALADIN85020]

May the good Lord bless and keep you both in this trying time.

You are not alone in this challenge. Many here have experienced similar stress and heartbreak.

It's not easy. Hang in there.

Best,

John

 

[Golddollar]

I just recently observed this with my recently deceased aunt who after suffering at least 2 strokes succumbed to dementia. Before he died my uncle did his best to care for her at home but eventually it became too much for him and I helped to convince him to bring in help. Be assured that you did what best for your wife.

 

[TX-Dennis]

May the Lord comfort you and your wife as you navigate this horrible disease.

 

[Tom Kent]

Several years ago my wife suffered a severe stroke. It left her confined to a wheelchair and unable to speak. Eventually I had to make the same decision you just made. Now she prefers to live in an assisted living facility. Tomorrow I will go see her and take her out to lunch. She looks forward to that.

 

[llowry61]

Prayers for you and your wife. You made the tough decision out of love and compassion which is what marriage is about. May god bless you both.

 

[soFlaNative]

Prayer for peace for you and Barb in these trying times.

 

[JohnRippert]

We are getting very close to that time with my Mom. She cannot get up or walk without assistance now. It is getting to the point where I have to feed her sometimes as well. During the appt with the neurologist this week Mom failed all the cognitive tests and they told me that nothing more can be done. I understand your pain and anguish very well. You did what you could as long as you could. That is what I am doing as well. God bless you and your wife.

 

[ralph7]

Prayers up for peace for the both of you.

 

[twodog max]

A very hard decision to make. My prayers are with you both.

 

[Kenna]

Prayers sent for you and your wife. Stay strong! A good friend of mine keeps telling me getting old isnt for sissys, believe hes true.

 

[chuckie]

Prayers lifted for you and your wife.

 

[sceva]

As painful as the day has been, remember to be happy that you can still go visit her, talk to her, reminisce with her and be with her. Too many of us can no longer do that with our wives.

Exactly; and if she doesn't recognize you please don't take it personal. It's not her fault.

On any given day when I called or visited my Step-Mom I might be her brother (Deceased), my father, or pretty much anyone she thought she was talking to. My wife went with on one trip with me (327 miles - two states away ) and when we got back in the car she asked if I realized that she did not recognize me. Of course I did but I was there for her not me so I would be anyone she thought I was. If it made her happy it was OK.

 

[Golddollar]

Exactly; and if she doesn't recognize you please don't take it personal. It's not her fault.

On any given day when I called or visited my Step-Mom I might be her brother (Deceased), my father, or pretty much anyone she thought she was talking to. My wife went with on one trip with me (327 miles - two states away ) and when we got back in the car she asked if I realized that she did not recognize me. Of course I did but I was there for her not me so I would be anyone she thought I was. If it made her happy it was OK.

Ameridaddy, you will have to be prepared for anything of this nature. My aunt ended up forgetting that her parents had died, and that she lived in the house that was 4 blocks from me. She didn't forget who I was (she had known me for about 65 years since I was a little boy) but would ask me to take her home, which she thought was the house where she grew up in Punxsutawney. All I could do was remind her that she was in her home. When she would ask how my deceased parents were I just said, "They're about the same," which I could say knowing it was the absolute truth. I really felt bad for my uncle and cousins seeing what was happening to my aunt.

 

[robvious]

this is very hard to deal with .. prayers for you, your beloved wife and all those that are taking care of her.

 

[Rudi]

After I could no longer care for my Mom properly I had to do this. Broke my heart. She's been gone 7 years now. You did good.