Cheer-up

[oldfella]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says,"Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could play golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate… shoes highly polished, too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died ... I'm married to his %&*$#@ widow."

 

[Big Cholla]

OF: Good one! Here is one from Nevada:

A farmer in Overton got pulled over by a Nevada State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer feel uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was
doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his
head.

The farmer said, "Having some problem with circle flies there, are
you?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's
what they are. I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then
after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing
the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

...... Big Cholla

 

[minuteman]

Now that's funny.......

 

[sipowicz]

Funny because it's true!

 

[smith revolver cop]

You know the difference between an elephant and a state patrol car?

On an elephant, the trunk is in the front and the a-hole is in the back!!!

(Sorry... it's one of my favorites!)