Dealing With Morons.

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The process business was slow the last two days and we had only one investigator working. He asked me to help on a house burglary because he knew I knew all the skanks involved. I jumped on it. When we came in Tuesday morning (we had Monday off for the holiday) we read the report where Jerry had broken into a car and stolen the stereo system. Being the rocket surgeon that he is, he hocked it at a local pawn shop in his own name. He's been out of prison for less than three months and has a total of 17 years of probation and parole hanging over his head. We got a warrent for him for auto burglary but were unable to find him before quitting time.

I called Deputy Moose after he came on the night shift and told him if he saw him to hook him up. He found Jerry around midnight riding with his Baby Momma in a car with switched tags. Moose hooked him up and found out Baby Momma was driving with a suspended license, no insurance, and of course the switched tag. She also had about $2,000.00 in old unpaid traffic fines. She also got a free ride. On the way to jail Jerry started telling Moose that he knew about a bunch of guns taken from a house burglary over the weekend while the owners of the house were away camping.

A little talking to Wednesday morning and he gave us three names of the people who were supposed to know where the guns were. The first one we picked up was Audie. He is Jerry's next door neighbor. He told us Jerry had a bunch of guns and had showed them to him and had been shooting them for the last couple of days. Audie hasn't been out of jail long either. He also said he didn't know where the guns were now. Jerry also told us about J.B. and Sicko. They are well known to us. Sicko just got out of prison and even though J.B. doesn't have a felony record he is well known for his skill at wife beating and other drunken antics.

We decided to go fishing at Jerry's last known residence. We met Baby Momma's Momma and she gave us permission to look around. She said she didn't want Jerry down there anymore and asked if we would please keep him in jail. A .22 cricket rifle was found almost immediately. It was in the tall unmowed grass at the house and had probably been dropped there at night and wasn't able to be found in the darkness. At this time we didn't find anything else. As we were getting ready to leave J.B. and Sicko came riding by. We ran them down and stopped them. They told us Jerry had called them the night before and told them he had some guns and had hidden them in the woods. J.B. also told us that Jerry had fired one of them while he was talking on the phone and said he was "gonna put a bullet in anybody that messed with him." We told them to be at the office Thursday morning for statements or we were getting warrants for them.

After talking with them we searched the woods some more and still didn't find anything. There are a lots of woods down there. As we drove off I noticed something pink about 150 yards from where we had been looking and stopped and backed up to see what it was. I'm down there a lot and had never seen this before. I told the other deputies to come back. We went over to where the pink was and discovered a hot pink bed sheet spread on the ground in a rectangular shape. When we pulled the sheet back there was 10 guns with surface rust laying under it. So much for a good hiding place.

J.B. and Sicko showed up this morning as instructed and gave statements. J.B. is a tall,lanky,dumb looking drunk. If he could be convicted of anything it would have to be the charge of "stupid." I've dealt with him many times in the past and yesterday and today was the first time I have ever seen him sober. Sicko got his nickname for something he did in prison. When asked about the nickname he wouldn't elaborate. He is covered in jailhouse tatoos, including a Simon City Royal tat on his neck. Both of his little fingers and one middle finger were permanently bent. I asked him why and he said it was from breaking his fingers in jailhouse fights. He said he couldn't afford to get them fixed right now. One of these fights resulted in his nickname but he still didn't tell me why. They were not arrested as the only thing we had against them were statements from Jerry, a known thief and liar. We got Audie out of jail and told the three of them to go home and spread the word that we knew everything and if guns didn't start showing up soon we were coming back down there and load up a bunch of folks. What we actually told them wasn't quite that mild. About an hour later we strarted getting calls about where the guns could be found. By 3:00 p.m. we had recovered 27 of 30 guns, a flat screen TV, a Game Boy, and some jewelry. We hope to get the rest of the guns tomorrow. As I was leaving the office I ran into a couple of state investigators who had come to talk to Jerry's baby momma about something totally different than the stuff we had been working on. I didn't even ask what it was and left.

As I was pulling in the driveway I got a page to call Annie. I had talked to her a few days ago about her nephew. He is five years old. The little guy can hardly talk and has some other problems. Annie told me a few days ago that her brother Marvin and his wife Breanne had dumped the kid with her while they were on a drug binge and she wanted to know how to get custody of him. DHS tries to keep kids in the family and she's the only one in this family with enough sense to help him out. I told her then to call a lawyer I knew that specializes in this kind of stuff and file for emergency temporary custody. She had started the process but the papers haven't been filed yet.

Last weekend Marvin totaled out another car. This is his sixth that I know of. He almost died in one of them. He was arrested and is still in jail. Breanne just bonded out on a drug charge. Right now Marvin is still in jail and Breanne is allegedly staying in a meth house with a known meth cook. The reason Annie called me is Breanne called her this afternoon and said she is "coming for my boy." Annie said she was trashed and wanted to know if she had to turn the little boy over to her. As long as she can show she is raising this child Breanne is getting government benefits. That is probably the only reason she wants to come get the kid. I talked to the night deputy (Chris) and told him what was going on and we agreed the kid was not to be turned over to anybody without a court order. Deputy Chris told me if she showed up trashed he was going to arrest her. If that happens I will try to get her bond revoked. Annie is going to try to push the lawyer tomorrow to speed up the emergency custody and I'll get the judge involved tomorrow if possible. I called Annie a few minutes ago and she hasn't heard from Breanne in the last few hours. I'm guessing a fresh batch of meth took her mind off the kid. At least I got something to do tomorrow, but only until noon. I'm leaving for Alabama then. I've got a feeling I'm gonna be doing a lot of talking on my ceel phone on the way over.
 
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These people keep coming up with great ways to get free government housing, food, medical care, and all the friends they could ask for, so how stupid can they really be?
 
Doublesharp said it better than I could.

Would you mind making a few DNA donations so we can clone you in another decade or so? We need more just like you.
 
Charlie Sherrill, thanks for your posts. I thought that I had a bad day a work yesterday....geeze, your stories make me appreciate this place.

Stay safe and stay sane. -S2
 
Charlie - speaking of stolen guns - how effective is a good safe against your average goober felon?

I know anything can be stolen by a real professional, but wanted your opinion about the usual thieves you run across.

Thanks in advance for any information you can give.
 
Thanks, Charlie...
After a LONGGGGG day of dealing with idiots, imbecilia, morons, et. al. reading this made me not only feel better, but gave me sorely needed good laugh.
Thanks!
 
Just another day at the office? I listen to my LEO friends talk about a day at work and I worry about the future. Most folks don't know about the underbelly.
 
Words fail me -- but I can't tell you how glad I am that they don't fail you.

Every time I see a post of yours in The Lounge, my heart leaps up at the prospect of another few hundred words of pitch-perfect narrative about the doings of people I have absolutely no desire to get to know in person.

You're a crash course in modern civilization all by yourself, Charlie. Keep my education coming.
 
always a good read and laugh, Charlie!
 
Charlie the thing that really upsets me is the surface rust on the guns under the pink sheet :mad: whoever is responsible for that should be horsewhipped at high noon in the town square. That's almost as bad as the dumb ---k that sawed off the barrels on a stolen WInchester 21. He for an extra couple of years for that alone.
 
Charlie the thing that really upsets me is the surface rust on the guns under the pink sheet :mad: whoever is responsible for that should be horsewhipped at high noon in the town square. That's almost as bad as the dumb ---k that sawed off the barrels on a stolen WInchester 21. He for an extra couple of years for that alone.
Agreed
Stupid ..........Blinking...........More creative spelling.......................

Every time I see a post like this my blood boils.Kinda like gun buy backs.
People like that shouldn't breed.
DG
 
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the pink sheet hiding place was funny...but the fact that he shoots the gun while on the phone to "scare" his punk buddies just makes me laugh,thats usually the ones that stay in jail,dumb and "hard".
 
you ever thought about selling these stories to David Allen Coe, there's a song in most of em
 
Unfortunately, dealing with the morons is job security for us, because there's no shortage of them and they do breed...
 
Sounds like a usual day in the Crimes Agains Property or a CI's day in a smaller department. I spent 34 years in LE and my oldest daughters husband is a Detective in a large department's Crimes Against Property Division.
Its an intresting life.

Rule 303
 
Thank you for the story. My little world here in Seaside is always peaceful and pleasant, and sometimes I have to be reminded there are people like that out there. I'm thankful I have the mind set, and the abilty, to deal with them should they enter my world. Thanks again, R.
 
That was a good story. Reminds me of a couple of guys I went to school with. They wanted to steal a balance scale from the science lab. Guess they wanted to weigh some type of product? They opened the window and tossed it out into the bushes, so they could pick it up later. LOL.... The science classroom was on the second floor! :D
 
So, how much inbreeding is there in your jurisdiction?

Actually, it probably isn't inbreeding that causes the trouble. Until you've lived around or known some of them, you realize that when stupid breeds with stupid, there is little hope for improved offspring. Of course offspring isn't on their mind when they're engaged in the acts. Some seem to not even know the consequences of their banal acts. And as bad as the genetics probably are, the total lack of any kind of parenting probably adds more to the mix.

I'd guess that Charlie's "clients" are not much different than the underclass in any other region. We just insulate ourselves from it. Its a much nicer life if we don't see, smell, and experience the trash.

I live at the intersection of a state highway and a side street. Down the sidestreet and around a bend there's a house. The occupants were foreclosed on early this year. They moved out. And as their gift the neighborhood, they told his brother he could live there until the bank tossed them out. Its important to understand the American dream. Every one wants to improve their lot. They do that by purchasing a home they maybe can't afford. In the instance down the side street, they over bought. And his brother is just about as low an individual as I've seen recently.

But like a train wreck, you just can't help but watch. Every time I see them walk past, I can't help but watch (and also watch any thing I own or my neighbors, because it might come up missing.) Clean clothes aren't a priority, but drugs and alcohol are. The guy wears clothing so soiled they're about to fall off of him. His girl, that stays with him, is several classes cleaner. In fact, she isn't bad looking. But some of his dirt seems to have rubbed off. And I'm fairly certain their pharmacutical budget doesn't include anything for birth control.

I'm lucky and get play by play from another neighbor who's house backs on the abandoned one. They don't have screens on all the windows, but its so hot outside they keep them open. Last weekend they hit on a novel approach for obtaining beer money. He stripped all the aluminum siding off the back of the house. Then they folded it to fit into the normal mode of taking scrap to the junkyard. In a pair of Kroger grocery carts. They had so much aluminum it took two trips in two carts! Party time.

To make matters worse, the neighbor called the police when the metal stripping was taking place. They're powerless to do anything. He's the occupant. His brother is the owner of record and can't be reached. The banks just don't care. If they took posession, they'd have to maintain the property. The last thing they want is to get slapped with building code violations and yard maintenance. So the place deteriorates. I can't see the house from my yard because its around a bend. Lucky me.
 
Fresh off the press: This one happened this morning. Several weeks ago some lowlifes went copper shopping at an isolated cell tower. What the tower lacked in ease of access it made up for with security cameras. The perps got their picture taken on the first copper stealing excursion. No one at the S.O. recognized anyone in the pics. A vehicle was not visable at that theft, just some fuzzy pics of guys walking around with copper. The guy that maintains the tower decided to tape some pics of the theives to a door in the hopes that if they came back and saw them posted on the door it might deter them from any more thefts. Wrong!

They came back yesterday, saw the pics on the door,tore them down,and moved the security camera....to where it was pointed right at their truck. Now we knew what they were riding in and got some good shots ot them loading the truck...again. Deputy Tory was up on Highway 11 north this morning and immediately recognized the truck from the fresh pictures he was given this morning. The driver was by himself but eagerly flipped the other two guys involved and all now have new roommates. Just when you think they can't get any dumber, they do.
 
Officer Sherrill
I don't tune in as often as i should, however on occassion i have read your wonderful post. I even bit one joke hook line and sinker. That was a few years ago, about the neighbor and you. Ha Ha, a good one! Your post are insightful, informative and honest. I want to tell you that i respect you and 99% of LEO's, local, state and federal. We as a society thank veterans for their service, especially post viet nam, however we lack the means and oppurtunity to thank veterans such as yourself. I believe there are many people like me out there in the netherland that appericiate, respect, and love(in a manly way) officers such as yourself. Thank You for your continuing service.
Best Wishes, Good Hunting and Be Careful out there.
Joe
 
Stories

Charlie, please tell me you are going to be at the Louisville show in October. I have met your running buddy, Mr. Burg, and was not disappointed. In fact, meeting him and a few of the other "forum" buds was the highlight of the show. I want to say hello and be able to put a face with your stories. My brother is a retired State Trooper and some of the tales he tells, from time to time, rank right up there with yours. Look forward to it.
 
Thanks

Would just like to say Thank you to all the Cops who deal with people like that for the rest of us!
 
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