Flying Crabs

[Damn Yankee]

A guy goes to the Doctor and say's
"Doctor I think I have Flying Crabs"
The Doctor says
"OK, Drop your pants a lets see"
The guy drops his pants and the Doctor say's,
Those are Fruit Flys. Your Bannana's dead"

 

[Peter J.]

No seriously, take my wife, please.

 

[ThirtyAcres]

Bada-Bing. Bada-Boom.

Try the veal and be sure to tip your waitress.

I'll be here all week.

 

[scottaschultz]

So the doc says to the patient, "I have good news and I have bad news."

Patient says, "Tell me the good news"

Doc replies, "You have 24 hours to live."

Patient answers, "That's the good news?" What's the bad news??"

Doc says, "I meant to tell you yesterday!"

Scott

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

Doc says to his patient: You're gonna die soon and there's nothing medical science can do for you.
Patient to the doc: I want a second opinion
Doc to the patient: You're ugly too

 

[s&wchad]

You think flying crabs are bad....

 

[therevjay]

Doc to patient: I have good news and bad news.

Patient: Lets get the bad news out of the way first.

Doc: OK, you've got about a week to live.

Patient: OMG! well whats the good news?

Doc: Did you see the receptionist?

Patient: Receptionist?

Doc: yeah the six foot tall redhead with the big La bombas?

Patient yes I saw her, what about her?

Doc: (Winking, & giggling) Whoa dude, I'm balling her!

 

[rimfired]

For flying crabs we recommend the Marine method.
Shave 1/2 of the contaminated area bare. Set the other half on fire with napalm. Stab the culprits with your bayonet as they run into the clearing.

 

[ingmansinc]

For flying crabs we recommend the Marine method.
Shave 1/2 of the contaminated area bare. Set the other half on fire with napalm. Stab the culprits with your bayonet as they run into the clearing.

Screw you General. Now that took guts.

 

[Joni_Lynn]

You guys either have way too much time on your hands or you need to be neutered. (My vet does that surgery on Mondays)
( Y )

Thanks for the chuckle!

 

[bmhiii]

Bada-Bing. Bada-Boom.

Try the veal and be sure to tip your waitress.

I'll be here all week.

Exactly what I was thinking....

 

[charlie sherrill]

And I thought this was going to be something similar to the mullet toss over at the Floribama.

 

[Spotteddog]

I could never get her to believe that they can, and that's how I'd caught them?

 

[gpe55bud]

I saw a sign on a urinal once that said "Please don't throw tooth picks in the urinal. The crabs know how to pole vault!".

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

You guys either have way too much time on your hands or you need to be neutered. (My vet does that surgery on Mondays)
( Y )

Thanks for the chuckle!

That's NOT funny Joni. Big Jim is way too old to do without the twins

 

[gunlovingirl]

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box
of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care
of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner
that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what
would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly
before landing in New York , she used the intercom to
announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who
gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not a single hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as some folks think they are.

*any "resemblance" to anyone here is purely coincidental.

 

[deadin]

I heard the if you pour some booze on the affected area, give the crabs time to get drunk and then toss in a handfull of sand.
They'll stone each other to death.......

 

[Wheelgunner840]

A young prostitute dies and gets before St. Peter at the pearly gates. He remarks, "You are so young, what brought you here?"

She replied, " Crabs....I strangled to death."

St. Peter says, "You don't strangle to death from crabs!"

She replies, You do if you give them to Leroy!!!"

 

[WONTLETYOU]

75 yr old widower and a 78 yo old widow get married, on the honeymoon the wife goes into the bathroom to change into a sexy see through nightie, as she is changing she feels quilty about not telling her husband about her serious heart condition, she walks out the bathroom in her see through nightie and tells her husband, baby i have bad news for you, he says whats wrong honey. she says i have an acute angina he replies i hope so those are the ugliest boobs i ever seen