Fun starts tomorrow update post 73

Snubby, everyone else has taken the good jokes, so I'll play this one straight.

The anesthesia is known as "conscious sedation." It is designed to put you in a state in which you are "out" but can respond to commands to turn, etc. I was very surprised, though, at the level to which the anesthesia put me out. I remember nothing, and I guess I was expecting that the "conscious" part meant I would be just very relaxed -- kinda like when you have your wisdom teeth removed. It ain't that at all. For all practical purposes, you're as out as out can be.

Be sure to have someone available to drive you home -- this is not negotiable. You will think you are awake by then, but you will realize later that you really weren't. When you get home, plan to go to bed and have some of the best sleep you've ever had in your life, for several hours. I think I slept 12 hours straight afterward.

OK, I won't play it completely straight. :D Before you are released from post-op, you will have to convince the nurse that, intestinally, you are ready to be released. That means you will have to pass gas before the nurse will sign off. It's a requirement, and probably the only time in your life that this will be an obligation and not just an indulgence.;)

Have fun with that one. I did! I don't remember this, but apparently whenever the nurse came to check on me, I asked her "What have I got to do to get out of here?" When she replied each time, "You have to pass gas," I just about died laughing. Every time. (I even put my hands up to my mouth after she left the room, and made the loudest farting sound I could, just to mess with her. "Good to go here!" is what I apparently said, according to my significant other who was in the room with me the whole time.) :D
 
dmar said:
4" PVC pipe? I thought they used a paper towel tube and a hamster... ;)
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This thread is going to **** in a hand basket quick.:D:D:D:D:D

It's good to know that friends can get together and discuss anal probing in an adult fashion. (trying to hold back the laughter)

My first is July 2nd. should make for an interesting holiday.

Good luck Snubby
 
Had my first about six weeks ago (at age 66) and except for the inconvenience of the cleanse, everything went well. I remember parts of it, and really enjoyed being encouraged, for once, to let one rip. They took out a couple of polyps; a week later the doc called to tell me everything was hunky dory and I was on the ten year schedule.

Just wanted to say, that the procedure is really nothing to fear. I know, hindsight is 20/20, but it is just not bad, and the drugs are really good.
 
I watched my ex go through three of them (colon cancer in her family). Each time the worst part appeared to be the cleanse. She would drink and a few minutes later run for the throne.

I need to have one but have been putting it off. Why? With my mobility problem I cannot get to and on the throne very fast. I'm afraid I'd end up soiling myself everytime. I asked a gastrologist if there was any other way and he said no. He said I'd have to just sit on the throne until it was over. Not a very appealing thought.

So Snubby, let me know how long from the first trip to the final trip it turns out to be? I'd like to know about how many hours I'd be camped out on the porcelain throne. And good luck to you and hope all turns out clean and clear. ;)
 
SW_shooter said:
I watched my ex go through three of them (colon cancer in her family). Each time the worst part appeared to be the cleanse. She would drink and a few minutes later run for the throne.

I need to have one but have been putting it off. Why? With my mobility problem I cannot get to and on the throne very fast. I'm afraid I'd end up soiling myself everytime. I asked a gastrologist if there was any other way and he said no. He said I'd have to just sit on the throne until it was over. Not a very appealing thought.

So Snubby, let me know how long from the first trip to the final trip it turns out to be? I'd like to know about how many hours I'd be camped out on the porcelain throne. And good luck to you and hope all turns out clean and clear. ;)
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That's the thing, I won't be taking any of the supplements that help with my mobility. They increase peripheral blood flow and that's probably not a good thing with a colonoscopy. I'm supposed to start drinking the stuff at 10 am.
Should be an interesting day.
 
Do yourself a favor and don't eat anything spicy for your first meal after the procedure or you will have some truly epic gas, pain, and bloating (ask me how I know).
 
Oh yeah first meal advice- Do not, I repeat Do not, have soup beans!:D I think you know why....
 
It's not nearly as bad.....

It's not nearly as bad as it used to be. It's hardly an inconvenience now. It goes faster where before it took several days of eating half-sandwiches and clear liquids, along with some harsh laxatives. The first time I did it the last step was to 'cram a suppository and hold it for five minutes'. Right. Before 30 seconds were up I was 7.5 on the Richter scale and about to tear the frame off my bathroom door.
 
I had mine done last year. Found a couple pollups so did the tests. Came back benign. See you in 5 years. But let me tell you something, the guy with the air hose much have been getting his jollies off cause everytime I bent over for something BBBBrrrrraaaappppppppppppp. Frank
 
Colon funny, Long

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening , I took the Miralax. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, be ca use Miralax tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for Miralax, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result'.

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

Miralax is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the Miralax experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of Miralax, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of Miralax spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts; the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their Miralax.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere.
I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me..

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time; the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea! Really! I slept through it! One moment, ABBA was yelling, 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent.. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
 
Snub,
I wish you luck and can tell you its a painless process. That said, I'd like to share a funny story:
I had my first colonoscopy 4 years ago when I hit 50. I got the pills, the juice, doc told me to start at 5pm and stick close to the can. At 11pm, nothing happening. midnight, nothing. 1am I felt the 1st rumble. I thought, "this ain't gonna be good..." Mind you, I had to be at the hospital at 6am. Well, I spent the next 4 hrs mostly sleeping on the throne. woke up once or twice when I tipped over and my head hit the wall. got a black and blue mark on my temple. Conclusion: You don't need to be awake for things to "move"!
 
I've had 4 of 'em and you are right. The prep is that agony. The procedure is no big deal. You go to sleep and when you wake up it's all over. I'm sayin' a prayer for good results on the test.

When I have one of these the next day I treat myself to a big steak and loaded baked potato and cesar salad. Chase that with a couple of Negra Modelo. It makes me feel all better. :D
 
I have had a couple and I am due for one this year. My wife had one earlier this year and it came out OK. She used a prep called Suprep which tastes like grape juice and only requires you to drink 16 ounces of liquid the day before and 16 ounces of liquid 5 hours before the procedure. This is the easiest method that I know of.

This will be a great opportunity to ask the doctor to tell your wife that your head is not up there.
 
mc5aw said:
Snub ... It ain't fun, but the prospect of a life-threatening illness creeping in as the alternative makes the process much more manageable.
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Yup, both my Mom and Dad had polyps and my Grandfather died of rectal cancer (people said it was because he was a drunk Indian) so it just makes sense for me to get checked.
SW_shooter said:
I watched my ex go through three of them (colon cancer in her family). Each time the worst part appeared to be the cleanse. She would drink and a few minutes later run for the throne.

I need to have one but have been putting it off. Why? With my mobility problem I cannot get to and on the throne very fast. I'm afraid I'd end up soiling myself everytime. I asked a gastrologist if there was any other way and he said no. He said I'd have to just sit on the throne until it was over. Not a very appealing thought.

So Snubby, let me know how long from the first trip to the final trip it turns out to be? I'd like to know about how many hours I'd be camped out on the porcelain throne. And good luck to you and hope all turns out clean and clear. ;)
Click to expand...
After my first bottle of mag. cit. at 10am it took about an hour for it to kick in. When it did, I just felt like I had to poop. I had time to pause the dvr, set the laptop aside, get my tablet and casually stroll to the bathroom. Now I'm back on the sofa 'till next time.
My next bottle's at 3.
 
rock doc said:
Snub,

You may as well set up a TV tray in front of your toilet for your tablet or laptop if you are going to give us a blow by blow account, because it's better to just sit there until the next eruption.
Click to expand...

Snub, pay close attention to this sentence. I think the key word in this sentence is the last word-eruption!:eek:

BTW- my dad had this done about a month ago. I let him out at the door and parked the car. He was the first one that day. When I came in he was already in bed with his gown on. I told him I just saw the doctor walking in the back door. I told him it looked like he was carrying a brand new garden hose.:eek::) He just laughed at me. Then he says "You are over 50 so you need to have it done as well".;):p I am thinking":eek:".
 
All joking aside, if you drink the junk with a straw, it makes all the difference in the world. Not great, but sure not bad.
 
Please, no videocam. Good that you are sensible about this issue, especially since you have family history. When I had one, the only issue I had was that the doctor came and talked to me before the meds wore off good. A couple of hours after I got out, my bud, who drove me, and I were eating lunch, when I told him, "Hey, I never talked to the doctor." He laughed, "Yeah, you did, he said everything was fine, that you were "slick". I didn't remember a bit of that. I sure did like that adjective "slick". Snubby, I hope you're slick.
 
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