Bassamatic
US Veteran
Yeah, that's another thing. What's with this anti lawyer crap I see here? I've know attorneys all my life and worked very closely with hundreds of them over a thirty year period. They are good people.
Fun with lawyers
- Thread starter CAJUNLAWYER
- Start date
I have to add my $0.02 here.
I have a large number of lawyer jokes, but make no mistake, I have highest regard for the vast majority of attorney's that I have contact with.
While they do make my job harder and harder, they end up making me a better cop, and stand to protect the Constitution. If there has been any lesson a defense attorney has taught me (he was actually teaching my Explorer Post), was that when they do their job correctly, the rights of all are upheld. That is more that just words, and while I have been really ticked at times, the bottom line is that is what is vital for this country to remain the bastion of freedom we all enjoy.
I have a large number of lawyer jokes, but make no mistake, I have highest regard for the vast majority of attorney's that I have contact with.
While they do make my job harder and harder, they end up making me a better cop, and stand to protect the Constitution. If there has been any lesson a defense attorney has taught me (he was actually teaching my Explorer Post), was that when they do their job correctly, the rights of all are upheld. That is more that just words, and while I have been really ticked at times, the bottom line is that is what is vital for this country to remain the bastion of freedom we all enjoy.
one from personal experience:
LAWYER- You investigated the accident?
ME-yes I did
LAWYER-and what time did the accident occur?
ME-0300hrs
LAWYER- is that 3 AM?
ME- yes it is
LAWYER-and you have the lighting listed as dark, How did you know it was dark?
ME-because at 0300hrs it's always dark, in my experience.
LAWYER-you also have the weather listed as cloudy, how did you know it was cloudy?
ME- when I look up at 0300hrs and can't see any stars, it's cloudy.
LAWYER- You investigated the accident?
ME-yes I did
LAWYER-and what time did the accident occur?
ME-0300hrs
LAWYER- is that 3 AM?
ME- yes it is
LAWYER-and you have the lighting listed as dark, How did you know it was dark?
ME-because at 0300hrs it's always dark, in my experience.
LAWYER-you also have the weather listed as cloudy, how did you know it was cloudy?
ME- when I look up at 0300hrs and can't see any stars, it's cloudy.
For several years, my one of the parts of my job was teaching LEO's around the state detecting, apprehending DUI's a the the state law enforcement academy.
In this vein, I became aware of the tactics used by attorneys in defending their clients in court.
One of these was a book "Defending the Drunk Driver" It described a procedure for interrogating the LEO at trial.. Questions to ask about his qualifications, training etc.
I had occasion to testify in a JP court trial and the defense attorney was a newly minted individual fresh out of law school and on his first court case.
His questioning was rote from that book. He asked, I answered, he asked, I answered. Finally he asked something a little different from the standard and I asked him if he was on page 232 or page 238?
He looked at me for a second, then at his book and said "No further questions your Honor!!"
He turned into a pretty good attorney in a few years.
In this vein, I became aware of the tactics used by attorneys in defending their clients in court.
One of these was a book "Defending the Drunk Driver" It described a procedure for interrogating the LEO at trial.. Questions to ask about his qualifications, training etc.
I had occasion to testify in a JP court trial and the defense attorney was a newly minted individual fresh out of law school and on his first court case.
His questioning was rote from that book. He asked, I answered, he asked, I answered. Finally he asked something a little different from the standard and I asked him if he was on page 232 or page 238?
He looked at me for a second, then at his book and said "No further questions your Honor!!"
He turned into a pretty good attorney in a few years.
HOUSTON RICK
Member
My personal experience favorite, cross examination of a paramedic with his supervisor and co-workers also in court (My terminology is no longer exact):
Q: This is your signature on the service slip correct?
A: Yes, I filled that one out.
Q: It says here that no litter or bandaging was necessary - is that correct?
A: Yes that is what I wrote, I must not have deemed it necessary.
Q: When would these things be necessary?
A: When a patient has a serious injury.
Q: What are these boxes here?
A: Those are where I diagnose the patient's injuries.
Q: What injuries did you diagnose?
A: May I read the ticket - please do -
let's see, unconscious, severe head trauma and likely spinal injuries, lacerations along the left side...
Q: Would any of those be serious?
A: Well, it depends...
At the Federal Tax Court after getting a large sum back for a client.
IRS Rep: Your Lawyer, HOUSTON RICK is a prick...
Client: Yes, but he is my prick.
Q: This is your signature on the service slip correct?
A: Yes, I filled that one out.
Q: It says here that no litter or bandaging was necessary - is that correct?
A: Yes that is what I wrote, I must not have deemed it necessary.
Q: When would these things be necessary?
A: When a patient has a serious injury.
Q: What are these boxes here?
A: Those are where I diagnose the patient's injuries.
Q: What injuries did you diagnose?
A: May I read the ticket - please do -
let's see, unconscious, severe head trauma and likely spinal injuries, lacerations along the left side...
Q: Would any of those be serious?
A: Well, it depends...
At the Federal Tax Court after getting a large sum back for a client.
IRS Rep: Your Lawyer, HOUSTON RICK is a prick...
Client: Yes, but he is my prick.
I have found through sad experience to never pay the lawyers until every bit of paper work is done. In 2 adoptions and a land sale we had to finish the last details after paying our bills buy their due date.
Sums it up completely!
In obtaining a lawyer one time, I asked another lawyer my wife worked for about the lawyer I was to hire. He said no flash, no pretense, his tactic is to quietly nail your shoes to the floor, and then when you try to step up, you find yourself solidly nailed down. I said personal experience? He just smiled, and said good one to hire for what you are asking. I did and came out very well, even after the defendant skipped to Mexico, his insurance company did not!
feralmerril
Absent Comrade
My partner at work was going through a divorice. He asked me who I used. I said you dont want him, and referred him to my ex`s lawyer. I later met that lawyer and we had a good laugh over it!
G
Guest
Guest
Many long years ago the Courts decided that a LEOs' personal Notebook was to be considered "part of the Evidence" in any Court Case and this included Traffic Court. For many Years LEOs have used their Notebooks for just that purpose, to make Notes about the people they deal with on a daily basis. And, being human the LEOs would make their notes ASAP after the contact and would write up the contact as they saw it. In short they would call a Spade a Spade and an A Hole, just that. Well, the Courts quickly expressed the idea that a Officer shouldn't be calling the Public, A Holes even if they were. Many LEOs I knew decided to replace these words with a "symbol" of a circle with a dot in the middle. The local Courts didn't care much for the drawings. The Courts then asked the Officers to be a bit clearer and express themselves in words and not something that wasn't clear to everybody looking at the notes. It was considered and somebody suggested that using the term Abusive and Hostile would be very clear to anyone reading it and still get the point over in the Court room. Again Officers being people they soon adopted the abbreviation of AH when making their notes.
One day about this point in time I was transporting a number of prisoners to one of the outlaying Courts and the normal was to have any case where an Attorney was involved to be heard first. A Trooper I had known for a number of years was there to testify and soon took the stand. The Defense Attorney asked to see the Officers Notebook and the Trooper handed it over. He pretended to read the notes and then handed it back to the Trooper and asked him to read his notes into the "Record". After reading that the individual had been seen doing a number of things that indicated he was likely intoxicated the Trooper stopped reading. The Attorney then said something like "Is that all?" and the Trooper replied that Yes that was the basis of the case. The Attorney again asked for the Notebook and directed the Troopers' attention to the notation of A!H! which was written next to his clients' name. The Trooper stated that the man had been Abuse and Hostile when stopped and that this behavior had continued through out the entire contact which included the final Booking into the Jail for DWI. The Attorney then made the statement "Now really, Officer, don't those letters really stand for my client being an A Hole???" The Trooper maintained a completely straight face and stated simply "Well, you know your Client better than I do."
End of Case.
One day about this point in time I was transporting a number of prisoners to one of the outlaying Courts and the normal was to have any case where an Attorney was involved to be heard first. A Trooper I had known for a number of years was there to testify and soon took the stand. The Defense Attorney asked to see the Officers Notebook and the Trooper handed it over. He pretended to read the notes and then handed it back to the Trooper and asked him to read his notes into the "Record". After reading that the individual had been seen doing a number of things that indicated he was likely intoxicated the Trooper stopped reading. The Attorney then said something like "Is that all?" and the Trooper replied that Yes that was the basis of the case. The Attorney again asked for the Notebook and directed the Troopers' attention to the notation of A!H! which was written next to his clients' name. The Trooper stated that the man had been Abuse and Hostile when stopped and that this behavior had continued through out the entire contact which included the final Booking into the Jail for DWI. The Attorney then made the statement "Now really, Officer, don't those letters really stand for my client being an A Hole???" The Trooper maintained a completely straight face and stated simply "Well, you know your Client better than I do."
End of Case.
ChinaSeaSailor
US Veteran
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Only in Texas my friends.... Only in Texas..... Too bad......
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He
thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New
York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from
Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the
deputy's expense.
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's
the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the
ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says, "sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the
deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap
out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He
thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New
York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from
Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the
deputy's expense.
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's
the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the
ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says, "sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the
deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap
out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
44forever
Member
Eric: My objection to the good councilor's tactics involved his blaming the victims for being shot by his client. I plead unashamedly guilty to a significant amount of emotion on this matter. Since the victims were not there to testify, I can see no due process reason to seek (in at least some cases falsely) to attack the victims' credability. Maybe I missed something, but I'd still pay good money to throw the switch at Ricky or Gary's santioned execution.
I've known some lawyers over the years. Some fine & some not so good. The not so good ones became politicians.
HOUSTON RICK
Member
Is he talking about us, Caj?
gaucho1
Member
The other day I went to see the doctor.
I do not live in the great state of Texas,
but there was a high end Texas magazine in
the waiting room.
Part of it was a large glossy advertising
section for lawyers.Evidently,lawyers in Texas
wear blue suits.
I would say I looked a about a hundred or more faces.
Pretty much confirmed the integrity deficit
stereotype most people have.
I for one think our legal system,imperfect as it may be,is vastly better than warlords,feuds,
and vedettas.
Just seems like the system corrodes something.
As this may be understood as an attack on our esteemed members of the Bar,please let me apologise to each and every one of you.
I do not walk in your shoes and do not mean to
disrespect you directly or personally.
I enjoy your wit,insight and worldlyness.
I wish I could spell.
I do not live in the great state of Texas,
but there was a high end Texas magazine in
the waiting room.
Part of it was a large glossy advertising
section for lawyers.Evidently,lawyers in Texas
wear blue suits.
I would say I looked a about a hundred or more faces.
Pretty much confirmed the integrity deficit
stereotype most people have.
I for one think our legal system,imperfect as it may be,is vastly better than warlords,feuds,
and vedettas.
Just seems like the system corrodes something.
As this may be understood as an attack on our esteemed members of the Bar,please let me apologise to each and every one of you.
I do not walk in your shoes and do not mean to
disrespect you directly or personally.
I enjoy your wit,insight and worldlyness.
I wish I could spell.
glypnir
Member
Originally posted by Erich:
Most fun I've had with lawyers, I can't discuss in polite company.
They got pretty girl lawyers now, you know.
I'm married to a pretty girl lawyer myself. I'm married to sweetest woman lawer in Tarrant County.
OP
CAJUNLAWYER
Member
I was once married to a pretty young sweet lawyer-but after 25 years.......Originally posted by glypnir:
Originally posted by Erich:
Most fun I've had with lawyers, I can't discuss in polite company.
They got pretty girl lawyers now, you know.
I'm married to a pretty girl lawyer myself. I'm married to sweetest woman lawer in Tarrant County.
We're down to Lawyer
rburg
Member
Wait til menopause, even that will be modified with a new term!
OP
CAJUNLAWYER
Member
Come and gone my man - she's three years older than me. It is what it isOriginally posted by rburg:
Wait til menopause, even that will be modified with a new term!
When I was in my 20's I used to laugh and snicker at all the OLD MEN (read that guys now my age) who would follow around their wives with their heads hung down to their knees-now I understand-I understand and I look at the young ones snickering at me and I think with a little satisfaction "Just wait your turn you little bastards"
HOUSTON RICK
Member
Amen.
"I think with a little satisfaction "Just wait your turn you little b*st*rds"
Pity them, they have no idea what they are in for. None.
