HEY I've got clients that do that!!!

[Steve in Vermont]

As part of a court ordered test I was watching a guy pee into a cup. It was obvious he was "altering" the test (I know, it's hard to believe people do this) with a plastic hose wrapped around his waist but I knew all his friends did drugs so I didn't say anything. Test was positive, to which he developed a surprised look and started to say "But she told me....". End of conversation, onward to jail. How to try and rig a urine test? Let me count the ways. Plastic hose (mentioned about), small plastic container, small rubber balloon....necessity is the mother of invention.

 

[GaryS]

From a different angle, almost every Heroin OD that I resuscitated swore up and down, "I never use drugs."

I'd point the track marks and ask what was up with that.

"Mosquito bites." In New England. In January.
"I'm a diabetic, that where I inject my Insulin." People don't mainline Insulin. At least if they want to live.
"I was at the doctor and had blood tooken." Tooken? That aside, they must go to the "doctor's office" several times a day.

And on and on. It did get tedious after the humor wore off.

 

[DeadAye]

...
"I was at the doctor and had blood tooken."...

I had the same phlebotomist that he had draw my blood last time I was in the hospital
Both arms and one hand before she called someone else to do it. Would have been both hands but one already had an IV in it.

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

As part of a court ordered test I was watching a guy pee into a cup. It was obvious he was "altering" the test (I know, it's hard to believe people do this) with a plastic hose wrapped around his waist but I knew all his friends did drugs so I didn't say anything. Test was positive, to which he developed a surprised look and started to say "But she told me....". End of conversation, onward to jail. How to try and rig a urine test? Let me count the ways. Plastic hose (mentioned about), small plastic container, small rubber balloon....necessity is the mother of invention.

Had a guy try that once-came back clean as a whistle AND he found out he was pregnant

 

[handejector]

Had a guy try that once-came back clean as a whistle AND he found out he was pregnant

Any way to get a paternity suit goin'?
Make the baby daddy PAY!

 

[manyguns]

Back about 1979 a guy who lived up on the mountain I did went to court for cocaine possession. While at his hearing he had a runny nose.(can't imagine why) He pulls out his handkerchief to blow his nose and a bindle of coke falls out on the floor. Of course he didn't get to go home that day!

 

[rburg]

I had a neighbor and a good guy. But he also had a tendency to do drugs from time to time. I overlooked it because I really liked him. And he'd go clean from time to time. Then one day he knocked at the front door. My son was home from college (obvious because his car was parked in the drive.) I wasn't suspicious because they did have some common interests (dalmatian dogs). So the son comes inside and says he'd got to take a leak. Still no red flags or bells ringing. He goes back outside and they talk for another few minutes. I had no suspicion that my son was doing drugs, he was a college athlete and wouldn't even drink carbonate beverages because it might hurt his wind.

So Jack leave and my son comes back inside. Laughing. He says "the easiest $20 I ever made". Jack paid him $20 for a few ounces for fresh "clean" piss. Life goes on. But I was really interested in how he did it and how it turned out. Jack worked at a company that required drug tests at random. Well, from random people, he had an inside line on when the random tests would occur. And he somehow was almost always on the list of random people because it was common knowledge he was a recreational user.

So a while later I asked him how it worked. Great he said. He'd purchased a kit that kept the piss warm, and a small tube to piss it out of. It was just kept under his equipment. The tester actually had to watch. So Jack actually asked the guy if he wanted to hold it for him. Generally people that are required to "watch" don't really like that part of their job, and they sort of watch but do it kind of discretely. They don't want to be too close and personal. They might get splashed, stick your face down there and it'd be a sure thing.

So the "sample" is immediately moved to the side and its temperature taken. Its got to be warm, but there's a range. Old Jack had it with his junk all day (kind of uncomfortable.) But Jack kept his job but a few drivers lost theirs.

The truth seems to be that the test can be scammed with enough effort. Maybe once, maybe twice. Just don't play the game too long.

 

[Hillbilly77]

I actually saw that on an episode of "Cops".
Guy is getting frisked.
Cop asks what the big lump in pocket is.
Guy actually said "Dunno, these ain't my pants."
Cop looks a little puzzled and says "Not your pants? How come you're wearin' 'em?"
Guy says "I picked 'em up where I'm stayin'."
Cop laughs, reaches in pocket, pulls out a wad of crack rocks the size of a lemon.
He laughs some more, and says "Partner, I got some bad news for ya...."

I felt sooooooo sorry for the guy.........I mean, like, really, you know- it could happen.

I always love it when they "Swear to God".

"Officer, that ain't mine! I swear to God!"


As if the arresting officer were gonna grab the mic on his shoulder and say "Dispatch, the man swears to God that the dope ain't his. I'm turning him loose."

 

[GaryS]

"Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?"

 

[Shorty 45 MK2]

One of the best ones I saw, was a guy who led the police on a case while on his motorcycle, after awhile he whips it in a mall parking lot then runs inside and loses them, the police then impound his bike. Well three hours later the guy comes into the police station to report that someone stole his bike.