Hollywood Squares...Now that was funny!

[kozmic]

Some of the greatest comedians of their time made appearances on Hollywood Squares. Please enjoy some of the funnier moments of the show.

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


Q..
Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

 

[Erich]

Paul Lynde was a riot - we kids used to love it when they'd go for the center square. And I figure that half the jokes went right over our heads, too.

(The newer animated kids' movies are that way, too. Humor on one level for the kids and on another for the adults. That's pretty impressive writing, actually.)

 

[kimporter]

thats just too dang funny

 

[kyf]

As a kid growing up that was one of the shows the whole family would watch together. It brings back good memories of sitting together and sharing a good belly laugh. There were many times we would laugh until we cried. Great entertainment with no laugh track required

 

[SHOOT.45]

Remember all of them. Thanks for the memories. I needed to laugh.

 

[walkin jack]

I love starting my day with a good laugh. Thanks!

 

[timn8er]

Good stuff, Kozmic! Thanks for posting!

 

[vigil617]

These were great, Koz!

The $64,000 question (with props to another famous game show) is, were the Squares tipped off to the potential questions beforehand, so they could prep their rejoinders, or were all those folks just that good?

As a kid, my favorite always was Paul Lynde, "the center Square." Everything he said was funny, and the way he said it was funny, and everybody always laughed at what he said so I did too, even if I didn't quite get it.

It was many, many years later when seeing an old rerun of the show that I realized that Paul was, well, effeminate. As a kid, I didn't know how to notice, and remembering that innocence was bittersweet to me.

Reminds me of how we're asked to be child-like in our faith, because being grown-up in it is asking for trouble....

 

[Erich]

I had that same realization as an adult seeing the re-runs. A big ol' light bulb went on for me. The guy was hilarious, and his delivery was a big part of the humor.

The $64,000 question (with props to another famous game show) is, were the Squares tipped off to the potential questions beforehand, so they could prep their rejoinders, or were all those folks just that good?

Man, I've long wondered this, too, and have come down to thinking that they'd have to have been clued-in ahead of time. They were just too consistently "on it" - unlike the rest of us, who would have thought of the smart-alec response ten minutes after the right moment.

 

[kozmic]

These were great, Koz!

The $64,000 question (with props to another famous game show) is, were the Squares tipped off to the potential questions beforehand, so they could prep their rejoinders, or were all those folks just that good?

As a kid, my favorite always was Paul Lynde, "the center Square." Everything he said was funny, and the way he said it was funny, and everybody always laughed at what he said so I did too, even if I didn't quite get it.

It was many, many years later when seeing an old rerun of the show that I realized that Paul was, well, effeminate. As a kid, I didn't know how to notice, and remembering that innocence was bittersweet to me.

Reminds me of how we're asked to be child-like in our faith, because being grown-up in it is asking for trouble....

The great thing about Paul Lynde was that his demeanor, mannerisms and delivery were as funny as his punchlines. He could have recited the phone book and had me in stitches! Heck he couldn't even say a line without cracking himself up!

I believe the "stars" were briefed on the general topic but not on the actual questions. Regardless, all of those guys (and gals) were true masters of their crafts! Classic!

 

[timn8er]

I've only realized lately how risque that show could be. At the time they were probably right up against the censor's limit.

 

[Comrad]

Funniest stuff ever, too bad nobody does that kind of comedy anymore.

 

[Comrad]

Maybe there's an opening for a young up and coming comic, bring back that style of comedy and write your own ticket.

This may need a new thread, comics form the days when all you have to do was suggest the off color without actually saying it.

 

[vigil617]

You got me to thinking about Paul Lynde, so I Googled "best lines" and found some sites that have a bunch of them. They are really, really funny, and like timn8er, I didn't remember the show being as risque as it was. 'Course, when I was watching, I was clueless anyway!

RIP, Paul. You were a funny, funny man who brought a lot of joy and laughter to this old world.

 

[rwsmith]

Paul Lynde

Q: What did the Lone Ranger leave behind in every town?

Paul Lynde: A masked baby!

 

[A10]

That was the best game show ever on TV! There were so many times that the stars had horrible answers, or that the entire show completely lost it laughing, that I am certain much of it was improv.