Just recieved a call from a nearby funeral home. My brother, who has been estranged from the family for some time, has passed away. Don't know anything. They took him in as an indigent. Have to go up and take care of the arrangements. I hate life.
Just got a call
- Thread starter lihpster
- Start date
I am sorry to hear this. Wishing you well through a difficult time.
soFlaNative
Member
That's rough, you have my sympathy.
Please don't hate life.
Please don't hate life.
RobertJ.
Member
My condolences. I can only imagine what is playing out in your mind over this.
I also echo what Brad said..
I also echo what Brad said..
mckenney99
Member
I'm sorry for your loss. I've been there.
No, you just hate it being "your turn" getting that done. Sounds like a last kind act from a good man to another of His "lost" children. Joe
You're a good brother. I pray that you soon recover from the "hating life" feelings. Life is not perfect or always fair, but we press on through the tough times. I'm sorry for your loss of a brother.
Walkin Horse
Member
My hope,being single,is that I have someone caring like you, to clean up after me when I go. I’m sorry for your loss.
Tom Beavert
US Veteran
I'm hoping for a good outcome for you.
Thanks for being there for him.
Be Well
Tom B
Thanks for being there for him.
Be Well
Tom B
NFrameFred
Member
Regret and frustration at a situation that had an inevitable end that you never wanted but couldn't change. I'm dealing with almost the same situation and would not be surprised to suddenly hear the same type of news. You can't force someone that refuses to engage and meet you at least partway, however small on their side. Loving an unlovable sibling that refuses to return the conflicted affection at all is a pain in life one should never have to experience. It makes me wonder how some people can be built that way when they come from the same parents and grew up in the same environment. 'Sad' is the only word I can come up with.
My sincere condolences. Family is family even when there have been problems. God Bless.
Don
Don
DWalt
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I had to do it for a deceased B-I-L four years ago. He had no other friends or family, or more correctly, he was long estranged from what family he once had including my wife. Possibly the most humorless person I ever knew. Sad situation. He drank himself to death. It took us quite awhile to get his affairs straightened out, over three months. We sent his body to the forensic body farm at Texas State U. in San Marcos. He knew that and didn't object. Little point in having a funeral or burial services.
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life is just life.. it happens.. sometimes for you, sometimes against you... but don't let hate in... it takes a toll and is unforgiving...
BLACKHAWKNJ
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As The Man said, if you do it for the least of them you do it for Him.
Sometimes family members makes decisions we just don't understand.
We can only help those that except the help. You can only love them.
Your brother's anguish is over.
We can only help those that except the help. You can only love them.
Your brother's anguish is over.
FlyTyinFool
Member
What you're doing may be more kindness than he's known in a long time.
Take the high road and do the right thing.
There's not necessarily an earthly reward for it.
But that isn't why you'll do it, is it?
Take the high road and do the right thing.
There's not necessarily an earthly reward for it.
But that isn't why you'll do it, is it?
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brendonjames65
US Veteran
We’re very sorry for your loss. Please accept our condolences.
Don't be afraid to avail yourself of any assistance the funeral home may extend to you. What happened to me showed how the funeral home can be a big help in coping with issues that can crop up surrounding a death in a family.
This occurred in connection with the recent death of my uncle who lived near me and I was very close to in life. During the first viewing for him i could feel myself starting to have a sugar crash, which is a potential problem for me as a diabetic. I suspect it was brought on by the situation and having my eating schedule disrupted by the travel to where the funeral was to take place. I saw a bowl of individual Life Savers on a cabinet and grabbed a couple. The funeral director asked me what was happening and I told him I thought I was having a sugar crash. Without missing a beat, the greeter went back somewhere and brought me a package of peanut butter crackers. I ate them and pretty soon I was feeling better. Why would they have had that package of peanut butter crackers around unless they faced a similar situation in the past? The folks in the funeral parlor are there to help. Best wishes to you.
This occurred in connection with the recent death of my uncle who lived near me and I was very close to in life. During the first viewing for him i could feel myself starting to have a sugar crash, which is a potential problem for me as a diabetic. I suspect it was brought on by the situation and having my eating schedule disrupted by the travel to where the funeral was to take place. I saw a bowl of individual Life Savers on a cabinet and grabbed a couple. The funeral director asked me what was happening and I told him I thought I was having a sugar crash. Without missing a beat, the greeter went back somewhere and brought me a package of peanut butter crackers. I ate them and pretty soon I was feeling better. Why would they have had that package of peanut butter crackers around unless they faced a similar situation in the past? The folks in the funeral parlor are there to help. Best wishes to you.
LoboGunLeather
US Veteran
Grew up with two older brothers. Watched both of them go into the ground. We often fought like mortal enemies, but I loved them both and my life is diminished by the losses, but it is all a part of this life that we must deal with. No instruction manual, no guarantees, no warranty.
You are performing a duty to your brother and your family. There is no alternative. You must do the right thing.
Next, go forward in your life with the peace that comes only with a clear conscience.
You are performing a duty to your brother and your family. There is no alternative. You must do the right thing.
Next, go forward in your life with the peace that comes only with a clear conscience.
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OP your doing a great thing, even though its hard.
My father was a undertaker and I saw a lot about understanding human nature growing up!-
My father was a undertaker and I saw a lot about understanding human nature growing up!-
Lhipster: I can't think of much to add that hasn't already been said. You're facing a tough, difficult time made worse by estrangement. Just know that within you you'll find the path through this. We are stronger than we think.
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So sorry for your loss.
OP
Thank you for all the support. It is appreciated and it helps me feel not so alone.
My brother has been estranged from the family since my other brother passed in 2013. He pulled back even farther after my mother passed in 2017. Of course, those were the 2 family members he had a good relationship with. Me and my father always bumped heads with Bob.
Bob never was totally right in the head. He blamed my father for anything bad that happened to him. He resented me because he thought I was the favorite and got everything he didn't. Not true, but that's what he believed.
Bob claimed he couldn't work as the mental and emotional toll was "too much." He hadn't worked for a couple of years before Doug died. My parents paid his rent, gave him money for bills and food and offered him the moon. You want to go to school? We'll pay for it. Yet still somehow, we were screwing him over.
After my mom passed, my dad and I kept up with paying his bills. But, 3 years later, We hadn't seen him or heard from him in all that time. Except for the letters that came every month with a dollar amount of what he needed. My father decided that enough was enough. A decade of financial support for a man that refused to acknowledge us except to get money. We were a wallet to him.
So, we decided on hard love. Obviously, giving him money was not helping him. I had argued that from the start, but he wasn't my baby boy. Dad said no more. So, we cut him off financially. After that I never heard from him again.
I learned some things from the funeral director. Apparently, he had been living in his truck in an RV park. He had stage 4 cancer and died in surgery. And during it all, he never reached out. He apparently told the hospital he didn't have any family. The funeral home had to ask the State for help to find me.
I loved my brother, but I didn't like him very much. But, he's family. My family. I arranged for him to be cremated, so his ashes can be spread with the other memebers of the family who have gone on. We will ALL stay together, even in death. After my father passes, I will gather up everyone and scatter them at the same time in the same place. Even Sophie the dog's ashes will be among us. When I go, I'll ask someone to spread me there. I hope they do it.
Thanks again for the support. It means a lot. And I wanted to let you know that I will take care of my brother, even if I didn't like him very much. Because I love him.
My brother has been estranged from the family since my other brother passed in 2013. He pulled back even farther after my mother passed in 2017. Of course, those were the 2 family members he had a good relationship with. Me and my father always bumped heads with Bob.
Bob never was totally right in the head. He blamed my father for anything bad that happened to him. He resented me because he thought I was the favorite and got everything he didn't. Not true, but that's what he believed.
Bob claimed he couldn't work as the mental and emotional toll was "too much." He hadn't worked for a couple of years before Doug died. My parents paid his rent, gave him money for bills and food and offered him the moon. You want to go to school? We'll pay for it. Yet still somehow, we were screwing him over.
After my mom passed, my dad and I kept up with paying his bills. But, 3 years later, We hadn't seen him or heard from him in all that time. Except for the letters that came every month with a dollar amount of what he needed. My father decided that enough was enough. A decade of financial support for a man that refused to acknowledge us except to get money. We were a wallet to him.
So, we decided on hard love. Obviously, giving him money was not helping him. I had argued that from the start, but he wasn't my baby boy. Dad said no more. So, we cut him off financially. After that I never heard from him again.
I learned some things from the funeral director. Apparently, he had been living in his truck in an RV park. He had stage 4 cancer and died in surgery. And during it all, he never reached out. He apparently told the hospital he didn't have any family. The funeral home had to ask the State for help to find me.
I loved my brother, but I didn't like him very much. But, he's family. My family. I arranged for him to be cremated, so his ashes can be spread with the other memebers of the family who have gone on. We will ALL stay together, even in death. After my father passes, I will gather up everyone and scatter them at the same time in the same place. Even Sophie the dog's ashes will be among us. When I go, I'll ask someone to spread me there. I hope they do it.
Thanks again for the support. It means a lot. And I wanted to let you know that I will take care of my brother, even if I didn't like him very much. Because I love him.
You are an honorable man, lihpster. Doing the right thing when it is hard is a hallmark of integrity and character. My best to you.
I know that feeling intimately. My large Italian family had it's share of "saints and scoundrels." Stories to fill a book, some terrible. I'd complain to them but I'm the absolute last man standing. Sounds like you are getting there too. Keep the Faith. Joe
BLOOD IS BLOOD! No matter how much it sucks.
