My first year without adult supervision

[bigride]

Well, I have survived a little over a year without adult supervision, and I've actually learned some things.

Bounce dryer sheets eliminate static cling better than Snuggle dryer sheets.

Two out of three times, a half-gallon of milk in my refrigerator will go "blinky" before I can finish it.

Muscle memory is a real thing as I still put the seat up and down when utilizing the facilities.

Most times, I can now make a tank of gas last at least a month, which means a bigger ammo budget.

Spiders do not have to immediately be killed "just because."

Previously hilarious "must see" t.v. shows don't seem as funny now as they used to be.

Even though I now live alone, ending phone calls to loved ones by saying, "We love you" is a hard habit to break.

There are a lot more things I could list, but one important thing I've learned is that life will never "get back to normal."

There's just no way to bring back the one who defined my "normal." I can only move forward as just "me" instead of "we." And that will always feel a bit awkward instead of normal. Becoming okay with the "new awkward" as my "new normal" will pretty much be an ongoing process from now on. I'm still figuring out if I'll be awkwardly normal or normally awkward.

Second, I'm not sure many people would have considered me normal in the first place. Insert your own joke here.

So getting back to normal is off the table. Life has changed. I have changed. A big chunk of my life--of me--is gone, but I am pressing on. I'm too stubborn not to.

I was an ornery cuss when Candi was around every day. Without her adult supervision, I'm an even bigger ol' mess. But I'm not complaining or looking for sympathy here because I know I'm not the only one that has experienced loss. In one way or another, we all have. I just want you to know that if my leaky, barnacle-encrusted hull can navigate through turbulent waters, you can too. Just stay afloat best you can.

So I still lack adult supervision, but thanks to divine intervention, I haven't blown anything up yet...well, almost anything.

 

[Fishslayer]

Four years for me last December 3.

I also joke to my friends about requiring "adult supervision," usually after some totally illogical firearm or ammo purchase.

Most of "our" friends have moved on. They were mostly "her" friends.

I don't think I'm "over" my old normal, I'm just getting used to my new normal.

 

[shouldazagged]

I lost the love of my life twenty-three years ago, and have lived alone ever since.

I still miss her, and always will. You're right, bigride, building a new normal is unavoidable and can be done. You seem to be moving along well after only a year; but you're also right that it will never be the same.

As for that toilet seat thing, I was raised by a mother who was fanatical on the subject, and I was married twice and lived with another one for two years before I found Carol. I still put the seat down after over twenty years alone. A woman I dated for three years after Carol died described me as "ridiculously domesticated".

 

[Fishslayer]

Yeah... I always put the seat down as well.

 

[ancient-one]

Five plus years and it will never be close to the same. It will get better up to a point and then that is it, so far anyway.

 

[kmyers]

Me without adult supervision, the better half would be asking who was asleep? LOL

 

[rwsmith]

When the supervisor, monitor, den mother, whatever, is not looking.....

....sometimes I make adult decisions on my own. Even if it comes back in my face I'm never sorry. Living life as a free adult can be rewarding. Too bad I have to catch as catch can.

 

[WuzzFuzz]

It's going on 19 years now. Seems like only yesterday, but I learned to get along..It's kind of hard to dance alone, but now I doubt if these old knees could take it anyway.

What has helped me to get by over the years is the following. It's helped me to behave is if the Mrs. is still here.

In Memory of a Wife

With a sorrowing heart, O beloved . . ., I fondly recall your love and companionship, your tenderness and devotion, and the many comforts and joys you have brought into my life. Though death has taken you from me, the bond which unites us cannot be broken.
O God, I pray that my grief at the departure of my beloved engender within me sympathy and kindness, understanding and helpfulness toward all mankind. Grant that the memories of my dear one impel me to seek goodness and truth, to serve Israel and humanity. Teach me by my aspirations and daily living to reflect honor upon my beloved who was dear to me in life. Be Thou my comfort and strength..Amen.



WuzzFuzz



P.S. Don't wash colored clothes with the whites in hot water!!!!!!

 

[Mike0251]

14 months for me, thank god I have a cat, I do dance alone now (and with the cat in my arms), down graded the milk from 1/2 gallon to a quart, cook and bake very well, keep a clean house, drink a good bit more, talk to her every day, and cry like a baby when I watch any movie with a love story involved. We will survive but never be the same I'm afraid.

 

[hsguy]

What a wonderful post. I lost my wife almost 4 years ago and can relate to what you are saying. We will never "get over it", and not get back to normal whatever that is.

I miss my wife every day but am so grateful for our 35 years together. I decided I could either wallow in self pity or move on to live my new life the best I can so that is what I have tried to do.

One year after Bobbie passed away I was diagnosed with cancer and went through 6 months of chemotherapy and was quite debilitated but now am much better. Be strong, keep moving forward and find some joy and pleasure in every day. It's there if you look for it.

About the toilet seat thing, I tend to leave it up unless visitors are expected. Perhaps a singular act of defiance but my dog doesn't complain.

 

[fordson]

OP, a good post. Wish I had your writing skills.
It'll be 15 years for me this Oct. You think you'll get over the loss, but you don't. The hole in your heart heals but never fully. You move on and if you're lucky, you get a second chance. If you do, take it.

 

[HOUSTON RICK]

Camelot does not last forever, that is all that gives it meaning. New adventures, as well as cherished memories that few have, await you.

 

[cherrypointmarine]

I don't know what I'd do without my better half . having been married 35 years . I do know I'd spend too much on S&Ws . Concerning the toilet seat issue , if you ever watch South Park , watch the one about toilet seats and the TSA . Toilet Seat Safety Administration , or something like that . I'll be 61 on Monday and still laugh at most of their shows . Good luck and smooth sailing to all of you that have lost a better half .

 

[PALADIN85020]

My wife and I just turned 80; we've been married for 58 years this coming August. About a week ago, we were sitting in our car in our driveway after returning from a restaurant, and she told me that she doesn't know who will die first, she or me, but she said either way, she will really miss me. I was very deeply touched, and told her I will feel the same way.

She does have some heart issues, but I hope that I will never have to experience losing her - I've really loved her since we were both in the 3rd grade. I feel for those who have lost a spouse; the sudden loneliness must be a heavy burden. My wife and I lost our eldest child last year in a tragic private plane accident. That was truly hard to bear, but losing your other has to be really tough. I don't like to think about it, but as we grow older, I do. None of us lives forever.

John

 

[Jessie]

Good on you. What else can be done??
By the way, I'll always put the seat down because I've plunked myself down onto cold porcelain once or twice and my heart didn't like it!
You can always sense that last extra inch...immediately

 

[Aggie1906]

It's not unusual...

Yes, I am going on 19 years this Fall.
New guys, it does get easier over time.
I find the good memories take over mostly.
Good news is when you jump in to help at
a group kitchen event, the married women are
usually pleased and amazed at the skills you developed.
You can also often sort out people who are poorly
married by the comments they sometimes make.
"Oh, I envy your freedom" and "My worst nightmare"
are a couple of examples.
Happily Ever After is limited to Fairy Tales, as Jimmy Buffett
said, "It ain't that long a ride."
Best wishes!

 

[Grayfox]

I lost my wife 8 years ago after being together for 33. I know what you're saying.
That first year I went into hiding. I went to work and sat at home. Didn't go anywhere, do anything or talk to much of anyone unless I had to. I realized that that wasn't good for me and with the help of a good friend, I finally rejoined the world.
I have dated some since then. Even had a girlfriend for a while. But it'll never be the same as it was with my wife. There is a hole in my soul that just can't be filled.
Hang in there Bigride. Understand that you never really get over it. But you will learn to live with it and get on with your life. That's what she would want for you.

 

[Geno44]

I think a lot of this depends on the particular situation. If the partner passed on and you really loved them, that is difficult. No question. If the partner left and you didn't want them to leave, that is difficult. If you are alone because you wanted to leave, it may be less difficult for you. In some cases, I'm sure the first and second things could be equally hard. The third possibility may result in an easier and happier life. I think most of us are struggling through this life adventure as best we can and I certainly hope the best for everyone else!

 

[Old TexMex]

Three years for me after 27, of my own accord. (That followed becoming a widower at 29 years old).
I put the seat and lid down, because my cat wants to dive in...and, at 66 I don't want to blow my chances with a rare friendly visitor.

 

[robvious]

when I read the title, I remembered exactly what your post was going to be about... and you have done well without "supervision"... the first thought that flashed thru my head was that famous movie quote..."normal is a setting on the dryer"... but then I read the rest of the posts and I had very little to add really... l have not experienced what many here have... life goes on with or without you... glad your all came here to share...