My son had a friend.....

[rwsmith]

...who was a young man on the edge. He had a genuinely bad upbringing (something I'm seeing more of) He was about to turn 18 and I could see that the tendency was going to the 'street' life and in and out of jail. We did what we could for him and I wasn't completely happy with the results, but now he has a job, and he and his girlfriend have a baby. So I feel like we at least helped bridge the gap before he got into real trouble as an adult.

My son has another former 'friend' He knows these guys, but doeesn't hang with them any more. In fact, they can't hang out with this guy, he's in jail most of the time, Jail is like a magnet. If he gets out it's only a matter of days he's back in for doing something really unnecessary and stupid. Funny thing is, I LIKE the kid. He's not mean or even really bad, but he does bad things that really don't have to happen.

So we get an email letter from his girlfriend (who I don't really know) asking us for several thousand dollars because they HAVE to bail him out of jail. "Why?" I wonder. He's going to be back in next week. And all the money will pay for a lot of drugs and tattoos

What would you do?

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NEVER MIND! I think I know the answer already.

 

[Bakebfr480]

I'd leave him rot in jail for awhile!

 

[Ματθιας]

My dad always said, "Don't make other people's problems, your problems."

 

[Wise_A]

I tend not to knowingly associate with folks that have criminal backgrounds, for the following reasons:

(1) I have a permit and a carry permit, and have seen folks get theirs denied or revoked for less.
(2) I have guns, and folks that have guns are routinely targeted by folks that like going to jail.
(3) Rule of stupids.
(4) I don't feel like having all my stuff being the subject of jailhouse gossip.

So I guess I'm wondering, in the least-offensive way possible, what in the actual **** are you and your son thinking, RW?

The one with the girlfriend and the baby is bad news, the one in jail is bad news.

 

[BC38]

Bailing him out would be what is called "enabling" in Al-anon and Alcoholics Anonymous circles.

It would enable him to continue down the path that he has been treading.

Don't do it, especially if you really care about him.
Let him suffer the consequences of his bad deeds so he can learn NOT to do them.

It's called tough love.

 

[Golddollar]

Where is this ne'er-do-well's family? Shouldn't they be taking care of him?

 

[LVSteve]

So we get an email letter from his girlfriend (who I don't really know) asking us for several thousand dollars because they HAVE to bail him out of jail.

When somebody other than my wife, boss or an LEO says I HAVE to do something, that's when I know for sure that I DON'T have to. It's also the perfect indicator that I SHOULDN'T do what is requested.

 

[Golddollar]

When somebody other than my wife, boss or an LEO says I HAVE to do something, that's when I know for sure that I DON'T have to. It's also the perfect indicator that I SHOULDN'T do what is requested.

That's good advice. Thank you.

 

[Onomea]

R-Dub: Listen! With absolute certainty, I tell you this:

Don't do it.

(Ain't kiddin', bro.)

 

[muddocktor]

Let him rot in jail. Maybe he will decide prison sex isn't his cup of tea and repent.

 

[rwsmith]

A note of explanation....

I'm being facetious. I have absolutely no intention of giving anybody anything in that situation. I know that unmitigated gall is commonplace nowadays, but that pathetic plea from his girlfriend made me give a double eye roll.

Some of you remember this, but my wife and I are both straight arrows, went to church, didn't associate with anything criminal. But when my boy hit that bad part of the road, things about came apart around here and we found ourselves in the middle of a LOT of unpleasant things that we hated. Even drugs and guns. My wife and I hung in there, though it about ruined us. He would have loved for us to 'kick him out' so he'd have an excuse to live on the streets.. Well, he grew up, got out of all that and now he's a determined, goal oriented young man. As soon as he graduated High School he started his own business and works like hell.

But even if we don't see them now, the people are still around.

Like I said, too, the kid we helped might not be the salt of the earth, but he's not a street thug either and is making his own way. The rest of his family are derelict, criminal pieces of **** and I don't care a rap about them,

You would have to know us, the situation is complex, but I don't see a need to give our autobiography and you don't want to hear it. But now my son tells kids that the street thug life is STUPID. We get along well. He still has some emotional difficulties but has done an amazing job of controlling his anger, and functioning in society, even in a business situation (He'll be 19 in October) I help him with his business and I'm having the time of my life.

 

[rwsmith]

This guy is now in his mid 20s.......

Where is this ne'er-do-well's family? Shouldn't they be taking care of him?

But regardless of that I know WAY too many kids whose parents are derelict or worse. They are druggies themselves. My son knew one kid who was decent, but had to try to stay away from his family because his mother was a trampy, druggy skank who had 'close relations' with all the young boys.

Kids are selfish and want their parents to give them everything.

The parents are selfish, all they care about are themselves, partying and doing drugs. Kids are a bother.

This has always been true for some people, but now it seems to be running about 20%.

We are older, traditional parents are appalled that so many people are acting like this. Our 'Great Society' has gotten prettty rotten.

.

 

[JH1951]

Suggest they find a bail bondsman. They have ways of getting loans paid back.
If you front the money, you know you will never see it again (unless you count seeing the new tattoos as seeing it). Sadly, those of us that tend to help often get abused.
I think you know the answer. I'd rather make it a gift and hold no grudge about not being paid back. So, simply decide if you want to make a substantial gift to the girlfriend if that individual.

 

[steelslaver]

I would really really have to see something in the kid to even float the 10% bond fee. But, something is seriously wrong when the girl friend with baby has to reach that far from home to bail him out. Some time in the pokey might cause him to wake up. Maybe not.

I have always been fascinated by how some (not all by any means) of these jail birds have decent girl friends. What is the girl friend thinking

You can't "save him". He can only save himself. Repeat trips to the slammer shows he isn't trying very hard.

 

[wingriderz]

Wow sounds like a kid down the street from us. He will be 18 this November per Sheriffs office and will be going to big boy jail ( their words) Every dupty on force have had many issuses with him. I hope this one is not breeding. This kid is fatherless and mom is pure scum

 

[Protected One]

As you said.... You already KNOW the answer.

 

[Collo Rosso]

You can't "save him". He can only save himself.

Criminal life style, alcoholics, drug addicts... sorry to say to much experience with this over my life. It's always somebody else's fault, bad luck or some other twisted logic. Until they admit it's them, nothing changes.

 

[OMCHamlin]

What would you do?

Send them several thousand dollars of Monopoly money, tucked in an official looking bank envelope!

Enclose a note: <Psych, sucker! Don't drop the soap!!!>

Win!

 

[blues7]

Sad to see a life go down the drain...but you've already done your part to help steer him in the right direction.

Getting involved financially? Nope. That's a fool's errand.

But you already knew that.

 

[03hemi]

He may be nice and all, but he's a moron and needs to figure out his own problems. I'm a man of faith and believe in giving to others in need, but he has other issues that you can't fix by bailing him out (again).