Another vote for the idea of a Ruger SP-101. The stock grips feel much better (than they look!) and the gun has enough heft to absorb recoil well without being excessively heavy. A 3" barrel helps, and in my daughter-in-law's case, hand strength was a definite issue. I dehorned it, cut the mainspring down as many coils as I dared, and it worked out very well for her. I don't recommend wadcutter loads for SD but going that low IS an option.
We have two of these little 3" guys in the family, and if I weren't very well set in that department I would get one for myself.
There is a lot to be said for a K frame in this regard as well; they can be very, very smooth, easy to shoot, well balanced (and usually fairly cheap). My daughter has one of the J&G imports with square butt and light 3" barrel, and I kick myself all the time for not getting one when they were advertised.
Don't think many semiautos would work out well. My wife had carpal tunnel operations, and for quite a long time couldn't rack any of them. The Ruger P90 .45 is probably the easiest to rack of any, though.