Growing Up
A good fiend, a shooting buddy, there are three of us who meet for dinner once a week, done so for several years, gave me a book to read. He is another vet. "Walk in My Combat Boots", by Patterson and Eversman, 2021. About 40+ short accounts of male and female military, relating their wartime experiences, some RVN, mostly the later wars. The writers talk about their experiences, but what is most poignant is how their military experiences "changed them". Not always for the better.
Reading their accounts, I again reflected on my own life changing experiences. Perhaps at some point in our lives, we make the "leap" to becoming finally complete, or just grow up and become a Man, or Woman; in other words, we finally become who we are.
Maybe some people never really find who they really are. Others, at a young age. My dad's dad died in an accident in 1923, and just before he died, he told my then six year old father that he would have to take care of his widow, as he could not do it. Tough times, and my dad had to "become a man" at about age 6.
I was never an athlete, was never on any HS sports teams, so had no leadership or competition roles in my youth. But I was married and a father in my sophomore year at Nebraska, and when I started my Active Duty the day I graduated, I did my best to be committed to my responsibilities as a new 2nd LT, first to Germany where I was a Mech Platoon Leader. But thinking back, I wasn't yet complete.
As a CPT, I was posted to Vietnam, finding out just before I walked out to board the jet taking me to that war that my wife, totally unknown to me, was in an affair with an Army Doctor, and she was going to have no contact with me. Somehow, some sort of survival mode "kicked in", because if I didn't totally put this out of my mind, I was not going to come back from this war. I only dealt with this long years later.
So when I came back, 366 days later (1972 was a leap year, hence the extra day), I began the long process of a new and different career.
But when I returned, to the 5th SF Group as an A Team leader for 18 months, I was absolutely committed to whatever was the task.
I had to take a year and a half of the necessary science courses at Nebraska to meet the requirements for an application to Medical School.
And it was then that the ability to have a relentless, focused approach to my studies, coupled with the other trait I had subconsciously developed during my year as an Advisor, the ability to make myself do anything, was so essential. I felt that if I studied harder than any other applicant, I would do better than every one of them. It worked. When other students would comment that they needed a break, or just couldn't study any more I just hit the books even more. I excluded all social life, even walking away from several relationships, partly because of my searing prior experience with abandonment, and because I had no room left for any distractions from my goal.
I vividly recall standing in line in the bookstore, and overhearing two guys in front of me, one saying he was going to be a doctor, but "farted out" and that choice was long gone. I silently told myself, "I gave up an army career for this chance, and no way I will let it escape." There is a trite saying "...I can do it", but for me it was "...I will do it, no matter what."
So, for me, my year in a war finally matured me into what I was to be. Perhaps if I had worked in a sawmill, or been a park ranger, it would have been the same. All I know is that in my year in Vietnam I finally grew up. So many soldiers come back from wars wounded in body and spirit. But for me, I am grateful for that year.
If you read the book, you too will realize how some wartime experiences forever change us. It did for me.
Here, I posted this Pic some time ago, but I spent a year like this, and came out complete.
All the best... an Stay Safe.... SF VET