Tales from the Faulkner Files: You don't remember me . . .

[Faulkner]

(To paraphrase the opening narration of the 60’s TV show Dragnet, the story you are about to read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

I was recently at the Arkansas State Capital in Little Rock on business and had an interesting encounter. The Arkansas State Capital is a gorgeous building inside and out and is open to the public. If you are ever in Little Rock it’s worth the stop to check out the grounds and inside the rotunda.

Anyway, I entered through the main entrance and stopped to speak to the capital police shift sergeant who I knew from his time back when he was as a patrol officer at one of the city police departments in our county. While visiting with the sergeant I heard my name called from the rotunda area further inside the main floor of the capital. I turned and saw across the rotunda a longtime friend of mine waving me over. He is now a state senator but I have known him long before that.

He was standing in a cluster of four other people, two men and two women, and I walked up and shook his hand. He introduced me to the people congregated around him. One gentleman was a lobbyist from an independent pharmacist association, one lady was a staffer with the municipal league, another gentleman was a county judge from the southern part of the state, and the final lady was introduced as an Arkansas House Representative. When the senator introduced me to the state representative she replied, “Oh, we’ve met before.”

I was shaking hands with the state representative when she made the comment so I had to make a double take. I sometimes struggle at recalling names, but not only did I not recognize her name, I have a knack of remembering faces but for the life of me I could not remember ever meeting this lady. She was in her early 40’s, attractive with a firm handshake and I could tell by the smile and look on her face she knew she had me at a disadvantage.

When I released her hand she said, “LT Faulkner, you don’t remember me.”

“I apologize Representative Morehart, but I can’t seem to place the name or face.”

Her smile widened at that and she replied, “the name you wouldn’t recognize. Morehart is my married name and I wasn’t married when we met. My maiden name is Williams.”

Well, knowing her maiden name didn’t ring any bells either so I shot back, “well Representative Morehart, how long have you been married?”

She laughed at that and looked over at the senator. “That was quick! It’s obvious LT. Faulkner has experience interviewing suspects for information.” She turned back to face me and said, “I’ll give you a clue. Do you remember the day you passed your driving test for your motorcycle endorsement?”

 

[Faulkner]

Chapter 2

I bought my first street bike in 2005. I was in my early 40’s and told Mrs. Faulkner I wanted a motorcycle. A couple of my buddies each had one and they were hounding me about getting one so we could all ride together. Mrs. Faulkner just rolled her eyes and said she didn’t care as long as I didn’t get killed or maimed. So I bought a Suzuki 805cc cruiser, all black and shiny chrome. Little did she know that within a couple of years she would be riding with me all across the country on our Harley and, before her Parkinson’s disease finally ended her riding days, we’d spend many a weekend and most of our vacation time for 20 years traveling by motorcycle. But I’ve gotten ahead of myself.

After I bought the bike I went down to the county library to take the written test for the motorcycle endorsement on my driver’s license. In those days, in what seemed a complicated affair the Arkansas State Police would have a representative to administer written tests for Arkansas driver’s licenses and endorsements at the county library every Tuesday and Thursday morning. In the afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, by appointment, you could schedule your actual driving test with an instructor for motor vehicles. They did motorcycle driving tests every other Tuesday afternoon. For motorcycle endorsements, you had to pass the written test to get a temporary permit then you had to come back within 90 days and take the motorcycle driving test, usually facilitated by a state trooper.

Since I’d passed the written test I needed to go back and take the riding test. I was working days with the sheriff’s office then and had to schedule a day off before the 90 day period was up on one of the Tuesdays when they were giving the test. I got the schedule worked out and my appointment was set for 1:00pm. Before I left home I checked the list of documents that were listed on the DMV sheet that I would need to get the endorsement after I passed the test. I then geared up and rode my new motorcycle the 30 miles or so from home to the county library. When I arrived at the library I parked the bike on the side of the building where they had cones set up in the parking lot for part of the course you had to ride to demonstrate you could actually ride a motorcycle. I hung my helmet on the handlebars and made sure I had my documents in the pocket of my new leather riding vest, and went inside to check in.

There was a line of about half a dozen folks checking in ahead of me. Standing behind the check in table were two driving instructors. Sitting at the table checking people in was an attractive young lady in her late 20’s. As the people in line worked their way to her she would check their documents to make sure they had everything in order, then send them off to take a written test or assign them to a waiting area for their turn to perform their driving test for vehicle or motorcycle. The two driving instructors then went over to the waiting area to get the next person waiting for a driving test.

While I was standing in line I saw a lady from our Sunday School class at church. She was with her two children and they were checking out books, when they finished they came over to chat with me on their way out. After we visited for a few minutes they said they were off to the grocery store, so I looked over and saw I was next to check in.

I’d not really been paying attention to the other people in line, but the guy in front of me was a fellow about 30 years old, a little taller than me and about my build. The young lady doing the checking in has asked him for his documents and apparently there was some kind of issue and he was getting a bit agitated. And loud.

“Look lady,” he said, “if I had those documents I would have brought them.”

Without missing a beat she replied, “Sir, you have the list of documents you need to transfer your out of state driver’s license to Arkansas. The other option is you can apply for a new license and take the written and driving test like anyone else, but we will still need proof of identification.”

“Lady, I’m trying to tell you, I lost my identification. That’s why I’m trying to get new identification.”

She held her composure and said, “Sir, I’ve told you three times what information you need to have and I’ve given you the two options available to you. If you don’t have the information I need to ask you to step aside.”

“This is BS,” he said loudly. “I knew I never should have come to this Podunk town in this backward state. I never had this much problem in Michigan.”

Without missing beat she told him, “Well sir, you are certainly free to go back to Michigan where you apparently lost your driver’s license.”

That riled him up. “Listen here you little bit . . . “

Before he could finish the bad word, I grabbed him by the elbow and spun him around. “Hey buddy, it’s time for you to leave.”

He jerked his arm away from me and shouted, “Hey, who do you think you are. Bug off and mind your own business.”

I was already pulling my wallet out of my back pocket with my badge and I.D. and showed it to him. “I’m with the sheriff’s office and it’s time for you to leave, NOW!”

“Oh great, I found the Barney Fife of this Podunk town.” He turned his back to me and started to point his finger at the young ladies face. About the time he opened his mouth to speak I grabbed his hand with one hand and twisted it back and his elbow with my other and twisted it up behind him until I had him standing on tip toes.

“Ow, ow, ow . . . that hurts“.

“You’re done here, let’s go,” I told him. I glanced over at the young lady and said, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

I walked the fellow out of the library exit on his tip toes and when we got outside I placed him face first up against the brick wall. With one hand still holding his arm I used my other hand to do a quick pat down. Not finding any weapons I spoke to him softly. “I don’t know what your malfunction is but you are leaving. Before you even suck air to say anything if you give me any lip I’ll call a patrol car down here and haul you off for disorderly conduct. Now, I’m going to give you about 30 seconds to catch your breath and think about the situation you are in. After that I’ll turn you loose and you can leave.”

I let him calm down a bit then I eased off the pressure on his arm. “Are you ready to go now?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he replied.

I released his arm and turned him around and pointed him in the direction of the parking lot. “Now get!”

 

[Faulkner]

Chapter 3

I watched the fellow walk off to the parking lot, get in his car, back out and drive off. Once he was gone I turned and went back inside the library and found all eyes were on me.

“Show’s over folks, it’s all good,” I said

I walked over to the check in table and the lady in line behind me indicated for me to go back to my place at the head of the line.

I looked down at the young lady sitting at the table and glanced at her name tag. “Hello, ah, Ms. Williams.”

She looked up at me and said, “how can I help you today, sir.”

“I’m here to take my motorcycle driving test,” I answered.

“I will need to see your driver’s license, your temporary motorcycle permit, and proof of insurance for your motorcycle.”

I pulled the documents out of my vest pocket and handed them over to her. She reached over to one of the stacks of forms and pulled one off the top, glanced at my information and started filling out the form. After a few moments she asked, “Mr. Faulkner, is this still your current address?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Mr. Faulkner, did you ride your motorcycle from this address to here today?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Mr. Faulkner, are you injured?” she asked.

“Ma’am?”

“Are you injured? Are you bleeding or did you otherwise hurt yourself riding your motorcycle here today?”

“Ah, no ma’am.”

“Good,” she said. “You pass. Here is your motorcycle endorsement approval document. If you will take this to the DMV they will issue you a updated driver’s license with the motorcycle endorsement.”

She handed me the paperwork and I just stood there. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No ma’am, thank you ma’am.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. “Next in line please.”

***************************

Well, it never hurts to have friends in the state legislature.

 

[STCM(SW)]

Some people look for trouble, others have trouble looking for them......

 

[soFlaNative]

My dealings thru the DMV has always been smooth and I've found the workers helpful and able to deal with all kinds so I guess not being the stereotypical drone often portrayed could be a good fit for politics.
I like your writing style, sort of "sanitized for our protection" but two questions. You mentioned Tues. and Thurs. AM for written test yet still provided for the written in the afternoon? I know, who cares?
2nd, have you ever wondered if you would have actually passed the vehicle test ?

 

[Greyman50]

My dealings thru the DMV has always been smooth and I've found the workers helpful and able to deal with all kinds so I guess not being the stereotypical drone often portrayed could be a good fit for politics.
I like your writing style, sort of "sanitized for our protection" but two questions. You mentioned Tues. and Thurs. AM for written test yet still provided for the written in the afternoon? I know, who cares?
2nd, have you ever wondered if you would have actually passed the vehicle test ?

I agree that Florida has a Very Good DMV and license process.

 

[Cities n Dust]

I think your story was very interesting. I too had a similar experience that I will not go into detail as I was the one being yelled at and didn't have an upstanding citizen to kindly intervene. Its people like you that keeps me believing that hero's do exist. When I have interactions with civil service employees, I usually observe how the workers are acting or saying and gauge their disposition before I interact with them. I found compliments and killing them with kindness works best to help them through a crappy day. I can attest that this really works 99.9% of the time. Yes, just like you I was getting my Motocycle endorsement and one of the instructors was having it out with her boss in a very public way. Just as my luck I ended up with her and she failed the 1st 4 Riders for what seemed to me as petty. One of the riders went and got her boss and complained. He then came over and was about to dismiss her for the day when I spoke up for her and calm the situation done a notch with a little kindness. Though I still had to do the riding test I passed with flying colors! (I have been Riding since I was 5 on my minibike). When she was doing my final paperwork so I could get my endorsement on my new license she thanked me and said she had a loss in her family that was close to her and apparently, she didn't realize she was acting out.
Kindness almost always rules out!

Cities

 

[Faulkner]

2nd, have you ever wondered if you would have actually passed the vehicle test ?

No, I have never wondered that even once.

 

[robertrwalsh]

I worked for the CA DMV. After several years I moved over to working for the state prison system. Paid better and was safer. One day one of the officers I was supervising in Central Control said to me something like "NOW I REMEMBER WHERE I KNOW YOU FROM. YOU GAVE ME MY DRIVING TEST."

 

[326MOD10]

Good story and thanks for sharing.

Last time somebody asked me that I was laying on a surgery table for a procedure.

The anesthesiologist leaned over my face with mask in hand and said those very words.

"You don't remember me do you?"

Nope.

"You pulled me over last week"....

Apparently no ticket as the procedure went well.

 

[fordson]

It’s always a pleasure reading your stories. Thanks

 

[Onomea]

Great story! Thanks!

 

[NYlakesider]

As usual another outstanding Faulkner posting!

I took my MC test years ago in Albany NY. They had a interesting way of doing things. One of those was unless you lived in the testing area you were not allowed by law to drive there with the class vechicle being tested!

There were signs posted that said this and it was in your paperwork The way they done things then you had to bring a vechicle and someone to drive it to take the inspector to follow you over the testing area.

So to be legal someone beside you had to get the MC to the testing area or you had to bring the bike on a trailer or the back of a PU truck. You also could not drive the bike away as in those enlightened days they could not tell you if you passed or not they would mail you the results. Normally a 4 day wait

A few years later they updated the procedures.

 

[16thVACav]

If you ever decide to write a book, I'd like to buy a copy.

 

[jimmyj]

When I go to the DMV office I take a dozen of fresh doughnuts or danish.
I use to depend on my good looks and sex appeal. Now I have discovered that doughnuts or danish works better.

 

[Rule3]

I think I have mentioned before that you threads and writing are great, If you have not already done so, you should collect them all for a book! Really enjoy reading your threads.