The golden years? What a joke.

[fat tom]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?​

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'​

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs​

and have fun finding them.​

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.​

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I
got my leotards on,
the class was over.​

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'​

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.​

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.​

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.​

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'​

​

​

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.​

​

​

f.t.​

 

[shouldazagged]

That's amusing, but hell to read in that color.

Of course, I'm older than domestication of the wolf.

 

[Moonman]

Red on the grey background SUCKS, NUFF SAID about that!

 

[epj]

Can't even begin to read that on my iPhone.

 

[radar1972]

I'm assuming that must be a bus schedule or something....

 

[sophie]

I would like to be able to read that but I can't see it. When I try to read it my eyes cross.

 

[kozmic]

Grey and red look good in a flannel shirt and positively kick*** on my neighbor's '56 Belair but here? Not so much!


Sorry FT

 

[BearBio]

Ditto

Can't read but one or two words. Hit "Ignore!"

 

[dkizer22]

I would read it if I could see it,

 

[finesse_r]

Well it is pretty funny stuff. If you can't read it, then copy and paste it into a word document. It is just not that difficult. I have no problem reading it as is, even with my bad eyes.

Would black be better, yes. But red is not so bad on a computer.

 

[DeadAye]

Highlight it and it's readable....
No big deal.

 

[Moonman]

CUTE!!!!!

 

[rock doc]

Here you go without the colorization:

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I
got my leotards on,
the class was over.


An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'



THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.
f.t.

 

[fat tom]

Highlight it and it's readable....
No big deal.

Apparently,it is. You might also need to define "highlight".
f.t.

 

[DeadAye]

Apparently,it is. You might also need to define "highlight".
f.t.

OOOOOOKay:
Put your cursor to the left of the FIRST CHARACTER that you want to highlight.
Press the left button on your mouse and then move the mouse either to the left, right, up, or down while holding the mouse button down.
Just like you do when you want to copy something.......

 

[Mickey D]

I see it perfectly on my light blue setting. I hate the dark blue and black

 

[Roadtrash]

Thanks on the tip about highlighting, I'd never thought of that. That's what I like about this forum, I learn something new every day.

 

[Maddog 521]

Wow I feel pretty good. I didn't have any trouble reading it at all.

 

[Mcwsky09]

Select All

OOOOOOKay:
Put your cursor to the left of the FIRST CHARACTER that you want to highlight.
Press the left button on your mouse and then move the mouse either to the left, right, up, or down while holding the mouse button down.
Just like you do when you want to copy something.......

Faster to just hit the key combo for Select All - which highlights everything effectively reversing the color contrast - a trick I use quick often.

 

[redlevel]

I see it fine, but it ain't nearly as funny as it used to be.