To abandon a friend

[ljnowell]

My best friend was an alcoholic. He drank every night. He drank every morning at 5 am on his way to work.

He was also the most dedicated friend I could ever hope to have. He called off work once(something he never did) to help me move when my back was screwed up and I couldn't do it. He played with my son and no matter how drunk he was he treated us all with respect. I loved him like a brother.

He took his own life five years ago this month.

I miss him still. Your friend doesn't sound much like mine. To me your friend sounds more like an acquaintance. One you'd life could do without also.


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[ladyT]

Friendship,as in any relationship,is a two way street.Every alcoholic Ive known has had no concept of that.Medicating their pain takes precedent over everything.And most of that pain is self inflicted.

A true friend does not cut and run when the going gets rough. A true friend will stay with you through the worst of times. When one falls the true friend is there to pick you up. A true friend does not give up on their friend as an acquaintance will. If you have just one friend in your life you are truly blessed as most of us have friends in name only, acquaintances.

 

[GreyRider]

So much good advice here. I think that if you want to help him on his journey you can't cut him off without telling him why. And also that you'll be there when and if he decides to come around. It's easier to walk away. But if our task here on this blue marble is to look out for each other - and better ourselves, the easy way isn't always the right way. If he decides to make changes, his wife & kids will need all the support they can get.

 

[gm272gs]

My dad was a drunk who never admitted it. He's dead now, and I'm glad. The only thing I'm sorry about it that he lived so long in the first place. Drunks will just sap the life right out of you, and they won't quit unless they want to. My advice is stay away from him until he quits, or he dies.

 

[arjay]

A true friend does not cut and run when the going gets rough. A true friend will stay with you through the worst of times. When one falls the true friend is there to pick you up. A true friend does not give up on their friend as an acquaintance will. If you have just one friend in your life you are truly blessed as most of us have friends in name only, acquaintances.

What do you call the "friend" that you carry for decades through thick and thin,but they continue to fall off the wagon,lie to you and steal from you? Been there,done that.
The only people that understand this are the alcoholics who know they have a problem and the people who deal with them.

 

[Smoke]

A true friend does not cut and run when the going gets rough. A true friend will stay with you through the worst of times. When one falls the true friend is there to pick you up. A true friend does not give up on their friend as an acquaintance will. If you have just one friend in your life you are truly blessed as most of us have friends in name only, acquaintances.

At last count 3 people with a cumulative total of damn near 100 years of experience are saying that the best thing for the friend is to cut him loose. Are you sure you know better?

What if your friend decides to start robbing banks to support his habit? Do you still stick with him? What if he starts beating his kids every time he gets drunk?

What if you "being there to pick him up" shields him from the consequences of his actions such that he never has cause to give up drinking (or whatever destructive behavior) until it kills him?

Who is the real friend the one who enables their friend into a grave or the one who forces him to evaluate his destructive behavior?