THIS EVENING WILL BE VERY ROUGH - BUT HOPEFULLY WE CAN CHEER UP AN OLD & SICK FRIEND

[boykinlp]

Our guests left a few hours ago and my wife and I just finished cleaning up. All in all I thought the evening was a great success and it was great to see my friend once again. Tonight he was so much better than yesterday! Yesterday he sent chills down my spine when he came in. He was more alert and parts of his long term memory were coming back for small amounts of time - then seemed to faded away. Like most diseases, his wife said he has his good days and his bad days. After yesterday I consider today a good day! At least he says he recognized us tonight. He also recalled (or so he said) some of the things we did decades ago.

I BBQ'd a grill full of Ribeye steaks which are his favorite and he was so appreciative - but kept apologizing for his illness. We kept reassuring him and the evening went OK. Heart wrenching sad, but OK. Thankfully there were others here who also know him and they did help out quite a bit. I am glad we did this and I felt really good about doing something nice to help jog his memory - even of only for the moment. I'm also glad we got the opportunity to see him again. We made a date for next years visit and I just hope and pray it is still viable a year from now.

He showed a glimpse of his old sense of humor tonight and we joked about the old days even though he repeated things many times throughout the evening, but no one cared. I only hope he remembers that he had a great time with some old friends. Alzheimer's SUCKS and IMHO is worst disease a person could have.

Thank you ALL for your support - it was very encouraging and I do appreciate it!!

chief38, sounds like it went well. Many times, the evening can be worse for someone suffering this terrible condition. It's called Sundowner's syndrome and refers to a group of symptoms, including increased confusion, agitation, and anxiety, that commonly occur in people with dementia or Alzheimer's, particularly in the late afternoon and evening. But like you found out, many times they have vivid memories of something that happened years ago, and next to nothing from last week.

At the Birthday Party we threw for my sister, that particular day, basically her only spoken word was "Yep", but when we sang her the Happy Birthday song, she sang along EVERY word. Think about it, that's probably one of everybody's longest memories!
Larry

 

[Old 44 Guy]

Chief 38. This brings a tear to my eyes. Just lost a friend, Joe C. I met in 1944 when we were both 13. Lost him last Dec. after an 80 year friendship. It hits a man real hard to lose so many friends as we age.

 

[ladder13]

Don't know how I missed this, good on you Chief38

 

[oldbrownhat]

...This type of situation makes me realize just how lucky and blessed we have been for 71 years. Not everyone gets to stay relatively healthy (mentally and physically) for the better part of their lives. Things like this smack me in the face and just serve as a reminder how lucky we really are!

Amen to that. My gf and I often remind ourselves of this. I'm approaching 73 and am aware of slowing down a little but still basically OK. Her mum died at 94 in June 2023 but said she didn't begin to feel old until her late '80's. She was pretty sharp until just near the end.

 

[VincentW]

THIS EVENING WILL BE VERY ROUGH - BUT HOPEFULLY WE CAN CHEER UP AN OLD & SICK FRIEND

UPDATE IN POST 20 BELOW:

Today we got a surprise visit from an old friend and is wife. I've know him since I was 16 and yesterday he and his wife stopped by unannounced. They drove down from NY and are staying with one of their friends - about 2 miles away from us. At first they did not realize we were so close to where they are staying.

They called us from the main gate and when I saw his wife on the video I opened the gate immediately. My friend has had Alzheimer's for 6 or 7 years now and I have not seen him in almost 4 years since we no longer live up North. We do speak on the phone once a month and text each other almost daily - he sends the exact same messages every time. When I saw him struggling to exit the car, he was a totally different person than I knew just a few years ago and I helped him out. I do not think he weighs 100 pounds now! He starred at me and I did not know if he even knew who I was. My best friend for 68 years was also at my house at the time and he also knows my visiting friend for 55 years, but he was not recognized at all. Anyway, they spent 45 minutes here and we invited them back for dinner Saturday evening.

So this afternoon they will be here around 5pm and this will be a very tough, emotional and heart wrenching evening. He has deteriorated physically and is reminiscent of a WW2 Holocaust survivor - that is what immediately came to mind when first seeing him. I hope we can at least cheer him up as his wife told us he is just so depressed. As bad as his horrible disease is, he is still aware that he has Alzheimer's but I do not know if he understands what that really is. So tonight will be a bitter sweet evening and I hope we can have at least some conversation with him that sparks his memory. Alzheimer's just wrecks me as it is so painful to watch a person just wither away mentally, physically and emotionally. How his wife has and is dealing with all of this has truly amazed us - I am sure some of you know it is probably the hardest thing to take 24/7/365. Anyway, I hope my wife and I can emotionally get through the evening, I hope our visiting friend can at least sort of enjoy his visit, and my best friend of 68 years will also be back here this evening to help out and lend support. Gonna be a rough one Guys, - I hope it works out for everyone. I feel so saddened about his condition and I know there is nothing anyone can do at this point.

This stage of life when you have to witness friends, relatives and loved ones get sick and suffer is the hardest of all.

This type of situation makes me realize just how lucky and blessed we have been for 71 years. Not everyone gets to stay relatively healthy (mentally and physically) for the better part of their lives. Things like this smack me in the face and just serve as a reminder how lucky we really To anyone walking alongside a loved one with dementia—my heart is with you.

My own mother passed from Alzheimer's, and I can honestly say it was the hardest way to lose someone. She was brilliant—attended Rice University for two years until she met my father, a silver-tongued USN sailor WWII vet who swept her off her feet. She married young, had a beautiful operatic voice, could play the piano, and poured her soul into raising 15 of us. I'm number 12—her 7th son.

Losing her mind long before we lost her body was devastating. It felt like we said goodbye a little more each day, for nearly a decade. And every year, her absence still hits hard.

To those supporting a friend going through this—your presence matters more than you know. Dementia is a cruel disease, and sometimes all we can do is love, comfort, and walk with them until they're called home. I believe my mom was needed in heaven—to sing and play the organ for the big guy upstairs.

Stay strong. Be gentle with yourself. And remember, even when memories fade, love remains

 

[Greyman50]

My mother had it for 14 years. How hard is it to see your mother turn into someone thats completely different? She became violent and was placed in a secure facility by her doctors orders as she was a threat to herself and others. Nurses took her cane from her as she was hitting them with it. She did not know who I was after about 9 months, thought I was one of her older brothers. Tough is putting it mildly……

 

[ladder13]

My mother had it for 14 years. How hard is it to see your mother turn into someone thats completely different? She became violent and was placed in a secure facility by her doctors orders as she was a threat to herself and others. Nurses took her cane from her as she was hitting them with it. She did not know who I was after about 9 months, thought I was one of her older brothers. Tough is putting it mildly……

Mine for 7 years and passed in a nursing home @71
Worse disease of all, imo.

 

[Greyman50]

Best friends dad had it for a few years, the things his dad did was plain crazy, can't post. A long time friend of mine is getting it and is really difficult to be around.

 

[MG34/bar]

Best friends dad had it for a few years, the things his dad did was plain crazy, can't post. A long time friend of mine is getting it and is really difficult to be around.

The other side of the problem is almost as bad. My mother died in 2018 couple months shy of her 102 birthday. She was mentally sharp until the end, but was blind, very frail, and hard to understand (all of her teeth were gone). She was truly miserable, and it was a blessing when she passed.

 

[mckenney99]

Sometimes they have lucid moments that can be quite comical when viewed from the outside. My unofficially adopted father/mentor (Umpy) was a WWII Navy Pacific Fleet vet that developed dementia in his late 70's. Unfortunately as usual, this resulted in his daughter and son having to take his vehicle keys away and hide them from him.
In one of those comical moments of lucidity, Umpy promptly went out to his barn and got a length of heavy log chain and proceeded to run the chain through the front wheel and then a cinder block and padlocked it all together. When I showed up at the house I asked what was going on with his truck, he told me that if he wasn't going to be allowed to drive his truck, no one else was going to either. Just the old Umpy being his ornery self.

 

[Oldengineer]

You are a credit to the human race.

 

[Greyman50]

Had a great uncle that got dementia and still wanted to " go to town" in his farm truck. A near Mint 59 Ford with original black paint. I had asked my great aunt about buying it as I remembered it from the 50s. She " hid the truck keys" when she went to grocery store. Well uncle found them got in the truck and wrecked it on his way" to town". He was not hurt badly and think he only lasted 6 months afterwards.

 

[Golddollar]

My late aunt who lived 4 blocks from me ended up with dementia, probably from the strokes or other cerebral incidents she suffered from. I really felt bad for my uncle and cousins as I knew my aunt from when I was a little boy, and I knew that she was not the person that I had known for decades. She would ask me to take her "home" (meaning her childhood home in Punxsutawney), and I had to tell that she was in her home. But apparently some memories still linger, as she never forgot who I was and always called me by name.

 

[CalifEd]

I have been around some of my relatives with advanced dementia.
While their short term memory may be shot, sometimes, they will pop up with stories or memories from 60-70 years ago.
Doesn't make sense but one Aunt remembered, and talked about, a favorite dress she wore for first day of school - 75 years ago.