Twain....isms
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gunlovingirl
Member
"America is a nation without a distinct criminal class with the possible exception of Congress." -Mark Twain-
The report of my death was an exaggeration -Mark Twain
Damn Yankee
Member
I have never taken any exercise, except for sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome.
Mark Twain, Essays: Seventieth Birthday.
Mark Twain, Essays: Seventieth Birthday.
WATERMELON
It is the chief of this world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.
It is the chief of this world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.
DeathGrip
US Veteran
Gotta love Twain.Here's one of my favorites.
"Heaven goes by favor.If it went by merit,you would stay out and your dog would go in."
"Heaven goes by favor.If it went by merit,you would stay out and your dog would go in."
How about some Twain on Guns?
GUNS
The Southern communities are just as peaceful and religious as the Northern. The Southerner may be more highly cultured, and anything he does is naturally conspicuous. Carrying a revolver is a fad, just a fad or a fashion; but the revolvers are mightly harmless. Of course there are desperadoes on the frontier, but that is the only part of the world they live in. Their deeds give a false character to their district. I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.
- "Mark Twain Put to the Question" interview, Adelaide South Australian Register, 10/14/1895
Don't meddle with old unloaded firearms. They are the most deadly and unerring things that have ever been created by man. You don't have to take any pains at all with them; you don't have to have a rest, you don't have to have any sights on the gun, you don't have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him. A youth who can't hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three-quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his mother every time at a hundred. Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old rusty muskets supposed not to be loaded, and the other army had been composed of their female relations. The very thought of it makes me shudder.
- Advice to Youth speech, 4/15/1882
I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault--you could not hit anything with it. One of our 'conductors' practiced awhile on a cow with it, and as long as she stood still and behaved herself she was safe; but as soon as she went to moving about, and he got to shooting at other things, she came to grief.
- Roughing It
GUNS
The Southern communities are just as peaceful and religious as the Northern. The Southerner may be more highly cultured, and anything he does is naturally conspicuous. Carrying a revolver is a fad, just a fad or a fashion; but the revolvers are mightly harmless. Of course there are desperadoes on the frontier, but that is the only part of the world they live in. Their deeds give a false character to their district. I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.
- "Mark Twain Put to the Question" interview, Adelaide South Australian Register, 10/14/1895
Don't meddle with old unloaded firearms. They are the most deadly and unerring things that have ever been created by man. You don't have to take any pains at all with them; you don't have to have a rest, you don't have to have any sights on the gun, you don't have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him. A youth who can't hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three-quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his mother every time at a hundred. Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old rusty muskets supposed not to be loaded, and the other army had been composed of their female relations. The very thought of it makes me shudder.
- Advice to Youth speech, 4/15/1882
I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault--you could not hit anything with it. One of our 'conductors' practiced awhile on a cow with it, and as long as she stood still and behaved herself she was safe; but as soon as she went to moving about, and he got to shooting at other things, she came to grief.
- Roughing It
A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful. -Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. 
pilgrim6a
Member
Moderation in all things. I only smoke one cigar at a time.
Mphstiger1981
Member
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Seneca
US Veteran
" Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times".
klondike
Member
I can only paraphrase this story, but Twain told of a virtuous woman who died. Twain said that if she had just kept a few vices it might have saved her life as she could then have something to give up and save her life, as a ship at sea could throw jetsam overboard in a storm. It is good to cultivate a few vices in order to keep one's health.
Stu1205
Member
My Favorite Twainism
"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Mark Twain.
"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Mark Twain.
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English
Off topic--Went to my 45th class reunion Saturday. My English teacher (4 years) was there, my typing (keyboarding) teacher, and the guidance counselor (92 years old and drove 40 miles to get there), who told me I wouldn't do well in college because I couldn't spell. I sat with them at dinner-- just to tell them that I had made a living as a writer for five years. Computers with spell check and editors made it possible. The English teacher did mention that most editors are not very good. I am sure that you are one of the good ones.
I enjoy Mark Twain.
Off topic--Went to my 45th class reunion Saturday. My English teacher (4 years) was there, my typing (keyboarding) teacher, and the guidance counselor (92 years old and drove 40 miles to get there), who told me I wouldn't do well in college because I couldn't spell. I sat with them at dinner-- just to tell them that I had made a living as a writer for five years. Computers with spell check and editors made it possible. The English teacher did mention that most editors are not very good. I am sure that you are one of the good ones.
I enjoy Mark Twain.
enfield
US Veteran
"If I could have stolen his coat, I would have done it. When I meet a man like that, I want something to remember him by." The Innocents Abroad
