Update on my juvenile delinquent project.

[charlie sherrill]

I did this back in the early 70's with a couple of neighbor kids. They lived in a shack with their mother and several more brothers and sisters. Their father wasn't around for whatever reason. They didn't have running water or a well so I let them get water from my tap whenever they needed it. At the time I was a rookie cop and caretaker for a show horse farm. I got free rent for watching the place and keeping things up. One of those things involved lots of horse manure. There were about ten stalls and I would pay these little guys fifty cents apiece to clean them out daily. Sometimes it would take both boys to push the wheelbarrow but they got the job done. They would take their money and buy clothes with it at Goodwill for themselves and their siblings. The store was three miles away and when I couldn't take them they would walk. I always kept a Coke and a snack handy and let them have it before cleaning the stalls. Sometimes they wore shoes, mostly not, especially in warm weather. They grew up. One went to prison several times and was later killed somehow and the other owns a small construction company which he still runs today. You never know.

 

[vito]

Don't be too quick to judge the parents. I have five children, all raised pretty much the same, all were expected to do chores around the house and to take care of their belongings. The oldest four have grown up OK; not perfect, and each with their own challenges, but OK or better. And they are all good citizens, good people and excellent parents themselves. The youngest hasn't turned out so good. He dropped out of HS, has been in trouble with the law, and lost the only job he ever had (that I arranged for him). Now he is floundering but still thinks he knows better than his parents on how to live life. One never knows how a child will turn out. I'm sure some of the worst criminals started out as pretty good kids, and some good kids have probably ended up as scum of the earth. As a parent you do the best you can, love your children, and then its up to them as to where it takes them.

 

[Mule Packer]

I really appreciate the comments. I dunno. Maybe I'll give it another try.

The original plan of the parents was to pay the kid for working at my place. But, then the parents told me, "We can't afford to pay him, but you can if you want to. You don't have to. If you do pay him, just give him five bucks."

I kinda came unglued at that point and said, "Five bucks for a days work???!!! Mexican illegals make more than that!" They chuckled at that and thought it was kinda funny. Then I said, "Yeah, and what kind of ethics is that gonna teach him? He'll either learn that he shouldn't work too hard because he's only gonna get peanuts...or you're teaching him that it's okay to hire somebody to work for you, then stiff him at the end of the day. No, a workman is worth is hire."

After my wife saw how the kid worked, she told me I shouldn't have paid him anything.

Like I said, maybe I'll give it another try. On the other hand, I have a tough time paying a fifteen-year-old kid for the privilege of me babysitting him.

 

[tacreload]

I'm not sure when good parenting went on life support but it's apparent that the problem is in the upbringing.When left unchecked too long it simply spirals out of control.Setting an example isn't the easiest thing to do but it's also not out of reach for most.You gave it a try and you are to be admired.Obviously more than his own parents have done for him.Locally a well known railroad has been looking to hire with excellent wages,benefits,and pension.A friend of mine works for them and he tells me they are hard pressed to find anyone who can pass a drug test.

 

[tops]

Like I said, maybe I'll give it another try. On the other hand, I have a tough time paying a fifteen-year-old kid for the privilege of me babysitting him.

A couple of years ago I tried working a young kid but he decided he didn't like to work because it made him tired and whatever he was doing if I left he quit working and I couldn't depend on him to follow directions. The only thing he wanted to do was to drive the tractor but he was so addle (sp) brained I was afraid to let him get far from me. I decided I didn't have time to babysit. Larry

 

[Rastoff]

...I have a tough time paying a fifteen-year-old kid for the privilege of me babysitting him.

I completely understand. Obviously you saw something or you wouldn't have done it in the first place.

I think there's more problems with the parents than the kid, but that's just speculation. I'm not close enough to actually make that statement.

Only you can say if there's value in having him back. Whether you know it or not, you've already taught that kid something. He's at least seen a little of what it takes to maintain a yard/household. What he does with that info is up to him.

 

[ErnieDeBord]

If he would show back up......IF. I would give it another "go-around". I would try to put a little fun in the work, talk some and take it easy for a couple of days. I consider myself a decent judge of charater (even tho I cant spell worth a darn). This reminds me of myself at 15. At 1st I was the same, then the "boss" started to treat me like a friend! It made me turn around some..............If you see a glimmer of hope, heck take him shooting..........then go to work!

 

[perrazi]

no real suggestions here, but one comment, this kid is going to have to grow up quick or he won't stay out of jail, or worse.

 

[ErnieDeBord]

wow. going to jail because of a bad day? you should see some of mine. gosh

 

[ErnieDeBord]

Guess like I am taking up for the 15 yr old. My wife works with "throw away" kids. They are not just throwed out of a house, its not that simple. The wifes kids are throwed out of everything. Nobody wants them Except 1..........God bless em all

 

[35Rem]

Be sure to show him the rewards of a hard day's work. Just beating him into the ground won't get him back, or turned around. Be sure to lift his spirit when he does good.

I applaud the effort, and based on your post about the parents not wanting to pay him, I think you have a good idea what the boy is up against.

I agree that you can't judge his ability based on the first day of not knowing how to do man's work. You are going to have to teach him from the ground up. If he sticks around, he WILL learn life lessons.

 

[gregintenn]

I expect you made a larger impression on the boy than you'll likely ever know. When I was a teen, some of the older, mostly farming men in our area were who I looked up to, and to this day I still do. I guess I should tell the few that are left.

 

[WuzzFuzz]

Hmmm....A lot of suggestions...Which are correct, and which ones maybe not so much???? I don't have the exact answer here..

My two cents, when it comes to teaching youngsters the value of work...Is it goal orientated? Paying some kid, or anyone for that matter, time on the job...I wouldn't....It's goal oriented...When the job gets done, this is your reward...In this case money.

Is it for the parents to pay? I say no...They worked for you, not the parents. The rules are...You do this, and I will pay you for it. I can't pay you until the work is completed. Allow the person to make choices. Try not to make them for him.

A little tid bit interjected here. When I was much younger, working on a farm, I was assigned to rake hay with the tractor. I was trying so careful to rake it over just right. But it wasn't just right.. The farmer told me, "Out here, we have to work, or we don't eat"...I never forgot his words, even to this day.

On another post by Palidin (sp) He and his wife had to deal with the situation, similar to yours...It's admirable for your trying to help out this kid with problems...BUT......As you are well aware, with your mules...some you can lead them to water, but you can't make them drink it.

Give encouragement..."Kid, you want to be better than some of those other kids you hang out with" ? "Here's how you can do it"....Let him know, that you and others will look up to him for being a good worker, a good, talker, good manners, what ever.....Find out what the kid is interested in. What are his goals and ambitions. Make allowances that this is a 15 year old kid...Some boys became a man at age 8, some boys never did.

(I used to teach flying, I had to find something in common for my students and flying. I had to relate to what their background was, and what they wanted out of becoming a pilot...What could I do to to help them achieve their goal) (I had a Doctor who was always late, or wouldn't even show up sometimes, without letting me know.) I had to say eventually, I was willing to teach, but he had to be willing learn, to do his part too.....By showing up on time, like he expected his patients to do. If not, then we would have to part ways.

But if it turns out after more than a day, that he is in fact "lame". Well...realize he is not you.


There's two things working here, with and against that kid....You and his mother....To me, you sort of have to work with the both of them...That can be a very challenging proposition. What exactly does the mother want you to do with/for her son? Let the mother know what you can or can't do with him...What you will try to do.....

Anyway, I've jabbered on long enough for my two cents here.

Best wishes,


WuzzFuzz

 

[ChattanoogaPhil]

Doesn't sound like you or the boy failed. Considering what you said about the boy in the other thread.... that he didn't tell you to stick the fork and shovel where the Sun don't shine and walk off tells me that y'all had a pretty good first day! Seriously.

I would have never taken on such a project so you'll get no encouragement from me. Only to say that if you're quitting on the boy because you think you failed, it doesn't sound like it to me. If you failed at anything it might be having unrealistic expectations for day 1.

Good luck.

 

[nicky4968]

Gosh, offering first pick of two jobs and you do the other. Brilliant. I wish I had thought of that.

 

[Old TexMex]

Mulepacker, you may never know about him, but rest assured, you slept well for reasons other than having done a days hard work. (A clear conscience is a soft pillow.)
You planted a seed, that men are willing to give a kid a chance. It's up to him to take it, now or later... Just depends on how much pain he can live through before it dawns on him there's an easier softer way than fightin' and being contrary.
We can go willingly or kickin and screamin', but the good Lords gonna get His way.

 

[Autococker07]

I have a tough time paying a fifteen-year-old kid for the privilege of me babysitting him.

Tell him that, (in front of his mom if you think it may help). He CAN work, he just doesn't WANT to, and if you can link his brain with the fact that he will be rewarded according to output, you will have the help you desire. It might be a bit harsh, but he will either take off, or pull his head out of his butt... If the latter, you may even gain a friend.

God Bless you for giving him a chance, so many young guys these days don't have anyone around who cares. He will see that care if your relationship with him continues, and when he dose see it, it will change his life.