Women can be so insensitive

[JOERM]

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?'

Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die?'

She says, 'Why, of course, dear,' and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns until he's down to 4 more hours.

He gently taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours now. Do you think we could...?'

At this point the wife loses her patience, rolls over and snarls, 'Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning...YOU don't!'

 

[HOUSTON RICK]

An elderly man is on his deathbed and knows his time is near when he smells his favorite cookies being baked down the hall by his wife of 60 years. He struggles to get out of bed and finally does so with much pain. In agony he slowly crawls down the hall, falling and resting several times on the way to the kitchen. With each foot, the smell goes stronger as does his hope to enjoy one more cookie. Finally he reached the kitchen table where he knows the cookies are cooling, his vision failing, he can only hear his wife and he is too weak to speak. With what may be his last bit of strength he lifts a gaunt liver-spotted hand toward the cookies and -Whack - his wife smacks his hand with a wooden mixing spoon and cusses him out telling him "Leave those cookies alone, those are for the funeral!"