She blindsided me!

1) Hmm. The acronym I was using got * out. SHUT UP. The acronym has two more words between those two. SHUT UP.
2) NEVER talk to her or her friends, or anyone who could be her friend, without a good, credible witness, and even then, only in a very public place. If at all possible, don't talk to her or friends at all. See #1.
3) DO NOT post anything anywhere about this, including here. There are people who specialize in searching for things a party to a case might have said. See #1.
4) If for some reason you have screwed up and have a Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, or anything else account, get rid of them. They are not consistent with personal security under the best of conditions, and there isn't any excuse for having one if you value security. One drunken post and you might have more of a feces sandwich than you can comprehend. See #1.
5) See #1 again. If you have any trouble understanding that, get a friend to buy some duct tape and run a layer or two across your mouth.
 
Sorry to hear your having a tough time.

The only advice I can offer is for you to read, then print, Doug M's post. Place one copy of the post on your bathroom mirror so you see it every morning as your getting ready for work, and one copy on the steering wheel of your vehicle so you see it each time you drive some place, and one copy in your wallet so that if, for some reason, you can't remember what he said you can pull it out and refresh your memory. All the best to you and remember that this too shall pass, meaning you will live through it.

Pete
 
You have received good advise so far. Unfortunately I have also been through a divorce. You have already seen that she won't keep her word so you need to expect the worst. If you are on this forum you probably own guns. What would happen if things got ugly and she accuses you of threatening her with a gun. She could file a restraining order and you could loose your CCW if you have one.
If it were me I would take all of my guns out of the house and store them at a relatives house or a buddies. Even the gun you carry. Don't go around her with it. More than likely nothing like that will happen but why not be safe? I am sure there are a lot of guys with a horror story of this happening. Good luck and I hope it works out.
 
All I can add is, when it comes to lawyers, when you need one the best is never to good. Spend the $$ and take care of yourself.
 
Sorry for your predicament. Been there - hated every second of it.

You may have occasion to learn a new language, as I did. I learned in 'Divorcing Female-speak', a phrase such as "I want everything to be fair" translates in normal language to: "I'm gonna screw you out of all I can and make the absolute very best outcome for ME".

I wish you the best - lots of good advice here.
 
Sorry for your situation. I've never been through it but friends and relatives have. Thebestvadvice I can give Iis to be mature, stay civil, remain credible, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Let me repeat, EVERYTHING! Also, DO NOT GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP UNTIL WELL AFTER THE DIVORCE! You might also consider putting your vauables somewhere safe, I will guarrantee you they are not safe around your soon to be ex. And protect your credit!
 
You may not be able to appreciate this right now but she may have done you a favor. A couple of sayings for the situation. Take comfort in those that apply:

. One one door closes another one opens.
. We can not see around corners so sometimes something good is just around the corner. Stay positive and don't get discouraged.
. and my favorite....Women are just like buses, if you miss one there'll be another one along in 15 minutes.

But seriously it will all be alright. After my divorce the next 6 months was the darkest period of my life. The I met the woman I've been married to for the last 42 years. That has been the brightest and most wonderful time of my life....every single day of it.

I wish you the very best of luck.
 
Doug M. said:
1) Hmm. The acronym I was using got * out. SHUT UP. The acronym has two more words between those two. SHUT UP.
2) NEVER talk to her or her friends, or anyone who could be her friend, without a good, credible witness, and even then, only in a very public place. If at all possible, don't talk to her or friends at all. See #1.
3) DO NOT post anything anywhere about this, including here. There are people who specialize in searching for things a party to a case might have said. See #1.
4) If for some reason you have screwed up and have a Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, or anything else account, get rid of them. They are not consistent with personal security under the best of conditions, and there isn't any excuse for having one if you value security. One drunken post and you might have more of a feces sandwich than you can comprehend. See #1.
5) See #1 again. If you have any trouble understanding that, get a friend to buy some duct tape and run a layer or two across your mouth.
Click to expand...

This x1000. To use the naval analogy, run silent, run deep, only engage when you have to.

Also get your guns out of the marital home ASAP. As somebody else pointed out many divorce lawyers file a protection order as standard operating procedure.
 
LVSteve said:
This x1000. To use the naval analogy, run silent, run deep, only engage when you have to.

Also get your guns out of the marital home ASAP. As somebody else pointed out many divorce lawyers file a protection order as standard operating procedure.
Click to expand...

Also, if you have an order of protection against you, your Concealed Carry license (depending on your state rules) may have to be surrendered...
 
Last edited:
I wrote a bad post here earlier and deleted it after about 15 minutes. To start with, this is like who gets to the cops first with their story. Truth is few of us know each other here. Human nature is to "believe" the story of someone telling it without hearing the others position. You might have been the best husband in the world, or she might have been the best wife in the world. I have been through the worlds second worst divorce. The worlds first worse is everyone else`s.
Mine started a few days before Christmas of 1985. Until the last few days I didnt know I had a problem. Ex ran off with another married man, our daughter and later, my most precious guns. That was my worst christmas, presents under the tree. This christmas was a close secound. My daughter insulted my wife 15 months ago and this christmas it boiled over to a real split. It is a indirect result from my divorce 28 years ago!!
Try to make it as agreeable as possible. Very, very few ever are. It will haunt all partys for life. Good luck to you BOTH.
 
We'll finally a subject I know something about !!!! First get your firearms to your best friends safe! Next get you a bank account with a sibling are a good friend as a co owner! Next get a lawyer. You will be under a protection order unless the too of you are sensible enough to settle this mess without a bunch of junk. Remember their are grandparents to this child. Please don't forget us!!!!!! Watch your mouth and watch who your seen with.first emotion is to look for another lady!! This is the horse talking here, don't do it!!! I said don't do it! Did you hear me? Now get your wits together tell your mama the truth and get on with your life. You have some of the best emotional help and people who will pray for you right here. If you ask these folks will help you. I've asked and gotten the help. As I said this is the horse talking. Good luck my friend. Time will heal the Hurt and you'll feel better before you know it. Don't talk trash about the babies mother as it will come back and bite you. Wait till the child turns eighteen. They will know the truth by then.
 
Thanks Gents,
Guns are hidden away and locked down. I don't carry around her or the wee one anymore. I have a bulldog lawyer, don't worry! And I record and document each conversation (she is aware). I also ask for everything she wishes to discuss in writing, and send my reply back in writing. I'm feeling good about this. I don't want to speak much more just in case, but things will be ok in April.
 
Wildenout. sorry to hear about the forthcoming divorce, but been there done that.

My ex and I are better friends now than we were during the final 8 years of a 26 year marriage. All good advice being put up here for you.

I will say this though, my ex and I ended up hammering out the last details to the divorce over dinner after the lawyers just kept stirring things up. Everytime one of them made changes to the papers it got worse, it felt as if they were trying to pit us against each other to prolong the process and charge more for each call, rework of papers, filing, etc.. So we went to dinner and talked it out. Probably won't work for a lot of people but it did for us.

Good luck and watch what you say and do.
 
Kinda off topic, but I didn't know a process server can legally serve you through a door. I always thought that they have to see you face to face and hand you the papers, don't they? Otherwise how do they know its really you on the other side of the door? Your saying its you doesn't make it so....
 
My divorce was brutal and the process took 4 years to complete.

Looking back on it, I can tell you a couple of things that I know for sure.

- The only thing worth fighting for is your relationship with your child. For that you should take off the kid gloves and go bare knuckles on the mat.

- Whatever it looks like today, it will be entirely different in a few years.

- Never give up your dignity. Tell the truth or say nothing at all.

Good Luck Brother. You'll need it. For sure this is the "E" ticket ride and very bumpy.
 
Dang, what a thread! I now more fully comprehend why I've remained married for 42 years.... I got lucky!
 
Sebago Son said:
My divorce was brutal and the process took 4 years to complete.

Looking back on it, I can tell you a couple of things that I know for sure.

- The only thing worth fighting for is your relationship with your child. For that you should take off the kid gloves and go bare knuckles on the mat.

- Whatever it looks like today, it will be entirely different in a few years.

- Never give up your dignity. Tell the truth or say nothing at all.

Good Luck Brother. You'll need it. For sure this is the "E" ticket ride and very bumpy.
Click to expand...

Been there, done that - have the scars to prove it.

1.Listen to your attorney, he/she is on your side.

2.Never believe anything she (the ex) ever told you or tells you in the future.
 
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