Probably Would Have Been Better off Keeping My Mouth Shut

[Smoke]

Without a doubt one of the hardest lessons I have ever learned in my life is when to keep my mouth shut. People don't want to hear advice from random strangers and they especially don't want to hear it from the hired help. For the most part when I hear people say stupid things about guns I just let it go but every once in a while I get this idea in my head that my opinion will be well received and it's usually not. Case in point last night.

I'm part of the security team at my church. Last night we were asked to provide security for a guest speaker, they said she was nationally know but I've never heard of her.

Apparently this woman has a stalker, we were given a crappy picture of the woman and a description of her car and told not to let her in the building. I asked for a little more information about what to expect if she does show up (does she stand outside with a sign, does she leave love letters on the speaker's car, does she stand up in the middle of service and proclaim that the speaker is the Whore of Babylon?) but they wouldn't tell us anymore than this is who she is, don't let her in.

So, the stalker lady never showed up, there were no disruptions and the service ended. I walk up to the team leader as he's walking out with (I didn't know it at the time) the Speaker and she's telling him and everyone else in ear shot how she just recently got her carry permit and how she's already had to pull her gun once.

Her story was she was putting gas in her car and a homeless man approached her and asked for money, she refused and he became belligerent. According to her she turned her back to him, reached into her car, got her gun, laid it on the seat and turned around. Then she tells the guy "Mr. I have a gun and I'm not the person you want to mess with."

I should have known better but at that point I interjected that she probably would have been better off if she had the gun in hand before she opened her mouth and I got The Look. I would have shut up at that point but she actually asked me what I meant so I briefly explained the Tueller Drill and she actually seemed like she got it.

So later on I'm walking her out to her car and I asked her if I could give her one more piece of unsolicited advice. She actually said "So now you're giving unsolicited advice?" (really should have shut up at that point.) I very briefly told her a story of a bad experience I had when I first started carrying a gun about telling a friend of mine who I thought had some discretion who turned around and outed me to someone that I thought had no business knowing. I then suggested that she may wish to consider carefully who she shares the information that she is armed with and again I got The Look and she says "well thank you for sharing that" as she gets into her car and drives away.

Long story short, in my experience, people don't want to hear it. When it comes to stuff like this I'm usually better off if I keep my mouth shut. Hopefully one of these days I'll get that through my thick head.

 

[amazingflapjack]

I think you did very well. In applying Proverbs 3: 5-6 I really shouldn't go by how it looks or feels when I have the liberty to do the things I do to help someone; it's a poor way to discern what may result from my actions. I trust God for the results. I don't make the seed, I just sow it. Also: I would like to know this speakers name-you can PM me if you wish-Thanks.

 

[Arik]

I would have said something too. Having a permit and buying a gun doesn't make her an expert in anything. For all I know she could be putting me in danger.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

 

[MrTrolleyguy]

When I heard this line I knew that I would never forget it.

Unsolicited advice feels like criticism.

 

[hatt]

When I heard this line I knew that I would never forget it.

Unsolicited advice feels like criticism.

Sounds like she was soliciting advice. She's inexperienced. She's among a group of people likely with more experience("security team") and starts talking about the subject.

 

[Smoke]

Also: I would like to know this speakers name-you can PM me if you wish-Thanks.

I have absolutely no intention of making this woman's name public. She is a nationally known author and speaker and she can afford better lawyers than me.

ETA A little explanation may be in order here. One of my coworkers writes professionally, one day I quoted him by name on the internet. The next day he walked into work and told me very clearly that if he ever saw another quote of his or even a reference to him that he could attribute to me on the internet he would sue me.

I learned my lesson well.

 

[Smoke]

When I heard this line I knew that I would never forget it.

Unsolicited advice feels like criticism.

I'm going to remember that one forever

 

[amazingflapjack]

As to criticism, it depends on the motive as far as I am concerned. And a person who make appearances at forums open to the public would have, I would think, a very difficult time with any litigation attempts that they wanted to finance. My request was just that, a request, and I suggested that you send it to me in a PM.

 

[Shorty 45 MK2]

I have a hard time as well, but mine tends to be with people I know.

 

[Fastbolt]

In the real world, few good deeds go unpunished.

I'll still offer some of my experiences and knowledge when asked, as long as it doesn't become some sort of "ambush debate" or turns out that it's someone wanting an excuse to argue their viewpoints. I'm no longer paid to have to listen to people anymore.

Remember that old line about casting pearls before swine? Still has some merit.

Much more relaxing not to get caught up in such conversations.

 

[BCDWYO]

I personally think you did good Smoke. She heard what you had to say, and I'm betting she actually will remember it. She may not appreciate it or say "thank you", but I'd guess she will actually think about it and just maybe heed your advice in the future.

 

[shouldazagged]

Your intentions were good, and you may have spared her some trouble in future. Or not. It's up to her whether she learns from what you said.

The fact is, what you gave her was in fact very polite, pretty diplomatic criticism. But you were smart enough to couch it in experiences you had and from which you learned.

And yes, I'm sure she would have preferred you'd kept your mouth shut. I know that Look--heaven knows I've received it often enough.

 

[gm272gs]

I hear stories like that (the gal put the gun on the seat, and then told him to leave) and I think to myself' "what an ***".

What good is a gun lying on the seat of the car? She should have left it at home in the safe.

 

[SMSgt]

I know nothing about CO law, but when you go from personal protection for yourself to providing "armed security" for another person or group, you have moved beyond the purpose of a CC permit and may require a higher level permit, whether the protection is voluntary or paid. You may want to check into that.

 

[Muss Muggins]

I hear comments similar to those made by that nice lady on a regular basis. Unless the speaker is directly impacting my safety at that moment, I usually just shake my head and walk away. I don't feel a need to save people from themselves, because "unsolicited advice feels like criticism." (I have grown to love that witticism over the past several hours. I always knew it. I just never heard or read in that form before)

 

[Smoke]

I know nothing about CO law, but when you go from personal protection for yourself to providing "armed security" for another person or group, you have moved beyond the purpose of a CC permit and may require a higher level permit, whether the protection is voluntary or paid. You may want to check into that.

Already been looked into we (the security team) are completely legal and covered under the church's insurance rider

 

[Smoke]

As to criticism, it depends on the motive as far as I am concerned. And a person who make appearances at forums open to the public would have, I would think, a very difficult time with any litigation attempts that they wanted to finance. My request was just that, a request, and I suggested that you send it to me in a PM.

Even if litigation weren't concern I'm still not going to identify the woman. I don't see the point.

I heard part of her presentation last night, it was well thought out, it was on point and it was relevant (less so to me because I'm a guy and she was speaking to a group of women).

In her wheelhouse she is a very intelligent woman who I absolutely believe is called by God to the ministry she's in, it just happens that this one area isn't in her wheelhouse and I'm not going to drag her name through the mud because of a failing in that area. (if she'd walked out of the church and lit up a doobie I would have led with her name because that clearly calls her qualifications as a minister to women into question).

If it's that important keep reading Charisma magazine and wait till you read that a noted female Christian author and speaker was arrested for aggravated menacing in Co Springs and that's her.

 

[Protected One]

I wouldn't feel bad, Smoke. As a Christian woman, being offered advice from someone on HER (temporary) security detail one would think she should have thanked you, as the advice given was for HER future security. She my be qualified in her field but she obviously has a lot to learn.

People do & say stupid things sometime. Like Al Gore when he was VP. While upset at his son for getting a bad grade in school, he shouted at his son - If you don't get your act together you're going to end up like one of these guys...pointing to his secret service detail!

 

[bhayles]

ETA A little explanation may be in order here. One of my coworkers writes professionally, one day I quoted him by name on the internet. The next day he walked into work and told me very clearly that if he ever saw another quote of his or even a reference to him that he could attribute to me on the internet he would sue me. I learned my lesson well.

Sounds like an arrogant prig...and an ignorant one at that. Quote accurately and attribute and you are in the clear...this from a person who also "writes professionally".

 

[oberon]

You learn something new every day.