Insults...

[swsig]

Hubert Lindsey was a "sidewalk evangelist" who liked to appear on college campuses to convert the heathen. His hellfire and brimstone approach to preaching did not sit too well with many students, and he was subject to a fair amount of heckling. But Hubert was a pro, and heckling him was akin to heckling a seasoned stand-up comedian. His most common response to heckling was, "Bless your dirty heart!". But one of his spontaneous zingers was a classic:

Student: "You'd have to be crazy to be a Christian!"

Hubert: "You qualify!"

 

[Bekeart]

At his birth

At his birth what did they do with the front half of the horse?

Bekeart

 

[Bekeart]

He thinks he's a wit ...

He thinks he's a wit ... and he is half right.

Bekeart

 

[Farmer17]

"I would be insulted if I thought you weren't serious".

"He's a legend in his own mind".


True story, a friend who's about 50 and single in my men's Bible study group was having a little trouble with his love life and we were asking him how everything was going. He said "it's going a lot better I've been dating a woman who's blind and we've been having a really nice time talking". We were happy for him and the next time we met we asked how the relationship was doing. He said "not so well she asked me not to call her anymore". I said that's too bad but maybe you'll get back together with her later and he said "yeah, she did say I could text her".

 

[Yaworski]

I had a friend in college, a girl who had been in a number of my classes. We often hung out, had lunch together, even went on a few dates. Graduation time comes around and she's moving home to the other end of the state.

We got together to have dinner the night before she was leaving. I walked her home and before I left, I said, "Give me your address so we can stay in touch." She replied, "No, there's no need for that" and went inside. I never saw her again.

I'm not sure if that's an insult but it did sting.

 

[Ivan the Butcher]

Hubert Lindsey was a "sidewalk evangelist" who liked to appear on college campuses to convert the heathen. His hellfire and brimstone approach to preaching did not sit too well with many students, and he was subject to a fair amount of heckling. But Hubert was a pro, and heckling him was akin to heckling a seasoned stand-up comedian. His most common response to heckling was, "Bless your dirty heart!". But one of his spontaneous zingers was a classic:

Student: "You'd have to be crazy to be a Christian!"

Hubert: "You qualify!"

A sad side note, I know ministers that worked with "Holy Hubert" and they relayed this to me.

Hubert was street preaching in LA, and a Motorcycle gang beat his face in and left him for dead, they also beat his wife to death. In the ER Hubert was Miraculously Restored, the next day he returned to the same spot and street preached to the same gang. They rushed him to complete yesterday's beating. He warned then to "Touch Not God's Anointed!" A LA motorcycle cop had called for backup hoping to save him. But as they came within a short distance, there was a bright flash and the entire gang was dead! I was told this around 1980, so I think it took place in the later 60's.

Ivan

 

[Muss Muggins]

"Displays occasional flashes of mediocrity . . . "

My father's handwritten note in the spiral bound tome, "Effective Phrases for Performance Appraisal."

 

[Yaworski]

I like to call people a "spittoonn head." When they say "Huh?" I say, "You skull is only fit to be a container for expectorated mucus." I usually get another "Huh?"

 

[swsig]

Circumlocution can lead to obfuscation.

You've obviously been watching Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' press conferences.

 

[Grayfox]

 

[swsig]

True Fact: In the Texas legislature, unproductive members are referred to as "furniture".

 

[sophie]

Y'all are talking way over my head.

 

[CH4]

You are right. Such behavior is insegrievious.

John

Ah, we have another sesquipedalian.

 

[sheepdawg]

If your parents were to divorce, would they still be brother and sister?

You're about as important as a white crayon.

 

[StrawHat]

Your father would be embarrassed by your behavior! That is, if your mother knew who he was!

Kevin

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

Doesn't have the brains God gave little green apples.

 

[BigBoy99]

My lawyer's comment about my ex-wife attorney - "In the milk of human kindness, she's bacteria!"

 

[Rustyt1953]

 

[Doug M.]

I have been known to use a few that are harsh and far too likely to get me a few points ...

 

[JJEH]

I found these quotes interesting and clever!

I like and prefer adult comedy and if we would be just a little less offended by everything, who knows, perhaps we can go back to enjoying life again.

I keep watching reruns of the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast and I had to glue these 4 clips together, from when they did roast Mr. T in 1984. It's funny and no one is getting hurt. Don Rickles ain't holding back, that's for sure, but Slappy White takes the cake

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YduQdA8-xqQ&t=11s[/ame]