HELP ME OUT HERE! AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH OR AM I RIGHT IN FEELING DISSED?

[chief38]

I met a nice couple down the street about 6 months ago. The husband enjoys many of the same things I do such as shooting, guns, bourbon and cigars and I have had him over three times. I have gladly supplied both the cigars and bourbon on all occasions.

Today he asked if he could come over and bring with him is best friend who was down here visiting - I did not know him. I said OK and he said he would bring over a bottle of bourbon. So they show up (without their own cigars) so like a good host I did supply them with two Arturo Fuente Double Chateau's. We did drink about half the bottle over the course of the afternoon and when his wife called to let him know dinner was just about ready, they thanked me, said they had a great time and took the bottle back with them.

This was the fourth time I have had him over and supplied everything, but when he said he would bring over a bottle this time I did not expect it to be brought hack home.

Am I wrong here in thinking they should have left it or is that too presumptuous on my part? I feel like my generosity has been a bit taken advantage of and am inclined to just wait (if ever) for him to invite me to his house for a drink and cigar. Am I wrong here?

BTW, these are people who are not poor! I have plenty of bourbon in my home but that is NOT the point! I was a bit taken back and like I said, feel a bit foolish and taken advantage of. I'd appreciate your thoughts in this matter.

 

[Onomea]

Well, Chief, my thought is that some folks have a lot better manners than others. Of course he should have left the bottle. And he should have brought along something else to enjoy as well. Cigars would have been nice. If he's gonna smoke yours, he should supply some of his for your enjoyment as well.

I do think that in general it is probably unrealistic to expect others to be as kind and thoughtful as you are as a friend and a host. Occasionally you'll meet someone who is, and it'll be a pleasant surprise.

In the meantime, just rest assured in the correctness of your own behavior. And feel free to dial back your hospitality a bit with those who don't reciprocate. (Next time just hand him a beer and if he asks about cigars say, "Unfortunately I am fresh out. Did you bring any?")

 

[dmn57]

I'd feel the same way. Although not poor, your acquaintance sounds a little cheap, or perhaps he's just never been properly versed in the 'man rules' regarding drinkin' and smokin'.

 

[chief38]

I have never nor could I ever do something like that! I also never show up at anyone's home empty handed.

Thanks for the input.

 

[MRB1]

Time to stock up on the nastiest, worse tasting cigars available. Consider them your cherished, select cigars for special occasions only. He'll like them.

 

[cherrypointmarine]

And the cheapest most nasty tasting bourbon you can find . And try not to smile when he takes a sip .

 

[lihpster]

If it was me, I'd get a $10 bottle of Canadian Club and some Swisher Sweets and tell him that visitors get the "house brand". I would then enjoy a Fuente and some of your finest bourbon. But then again, I am what is known as a mean *******.

 

[Rpg]

I assume you didn’t offer to let the neighbor take the remaining bourbon home with him on the three occasions you provided the booze.

 

[rockquarry]

Taking the bottle home is why the deadbeat isn't poor.

 

[Puller]

I don't drink or smoke cigars so I guess I'd just stay home.

 

[arjay]

Taking the bottle home has always been rude and downright weird.Your neighbor is a bit cheap!

 

[shamuscull]

It’s weird, rude and cheap…….so now that you know how he is and if you choose to still want to hang out with him expect for it to be one way unfortunately.

 

[glenwolde]

That would end it for me. It's not about the money. It's about the lack of decorum. I'd avoid him as it would force me to violate decorum.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

If he is not reciprocating and inviting you over I would question the relationship.

 

[chief38]

OK - so I know now I am not being overly sensitive or presumptuous here. I guess I will wait 'till he invites me to his house to smoke his cigars and drink his booze. If that invite never comes, then so be it - the one thing I do not lack here are friends and more respectful neighbors. I think I'm done inviting him here (4 times now) without any reciprocation. I am a generous guy, but will not be a door mat! Thanks for the responses guys!

 

[lihpster]

Chief, you're good enough, you're smart enough and doggone it, people like you!

 

[Kanewpadle]

Give him one more chance Chief.

People don’t always think clearly after they’ve had a few.

 

[Magnum_PI]

Been there, done that. I don't like people who are a majority of the time mooches. I may sound extreme, but I can have good company all with myself, and save money.

I believe to be honest this was tacky since you've been a gracious host.

Hence why I drink alone at home and am perfectly content with myself and the wife around (who doesn't really drink and especially not bourbon) but doesn't bother me when I do, and never in excess.

It's honestly hard to meet like minded people these days who are generous, gracious, etc. I am the same way as you...

 

[Ingramite]

I've noticed that as I've gotten older it's harder and harder to find anyone who measures up to my standards.

Instead of hearing about your cigars and your Bourbon, why don't we hear about the great stories that were told. Nothing about common interests. Nothing about just friendly and comfortable conversations. No future plans for hunting expeditions or a joint trip to the next gun show.....just booze and smokes....and a short change artist.

Listen, I'm not finding fault or disagreeing with you. Like I said, I can't make friends either. I believe that the whole "buddy" deal peaks about the time you and your roomie in the dorm splits the sheets. By the time I had my first pad my sole focus shifted to females. I had some work buddies with families so our families became friends.....but there was something about every one of those dudes that got on my nerves.

I can count on one hand the few life long pals that I've had. After about 20 minutes they start getting on my nerves.

If everything else was hunky dory you wouldn't even notice who brought what to the table. You'd all pass out on the floor and wake up with a hangover.

Yeah, I can see myself standing on the porch and screaming for someone to get off my lawn.....and it's probably gonna get worse.

 

[ameridaddy]

Some people just don't have a clue about good manners, being a good guest or a gracious host. I suspect it's in their upbringing to always be takers.
Maybe bringing a bottle of wine for dinner, or leaving the remainder of a bottle of liquor with your host is a southern thing. I live in central Virginia, and that's been my experience here.

A woman we've known for about 45 years used to come down to visit over a period of years for a long weekend with her then new husband, and neither one ever lifted a finger even to help my wife clear the table after she fixed meals for us. She'd drink three or four bottles of wine and he'd drink a fifth or more of my bourbon over those two or three days. They never, ever brought a bottle of anything to share.

If we went out to dinner with my sister, father and late brother-in-law, my BIL always ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and never once in the eighteen years we went to see them did he ever offer to get the check. It always fell to me or my father.

A good friend of mine complains that his daughter's father-in-law always shows up for a family dinner at my friend's house, always shows up at a family dinner out, and in more than twenty years, has never offered to help with dinner at home, or ever picked up a check for a dinner out.

Some people are just takers, never givers, are totally unaware of that, and unless they have something else you value to offer, I'd try to avoid proven moochers, or just make your offering much less attractive like Onomea says - offer a cheap beer and some pretzels.