HELP ME OUT HERE! AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH OR AM I RIGHT IN FEELING DISSED?

[yeti]

Hi Chief,
Your neighbor is not as classy as you. Sounds like a good guy, just lacking some class. You will need to straight up train him.

"Next time you get to pick a nice bourbon and the cigars and I'll come over."
Or maybe? "This was fun...next time you get to host."

 

[JH1951]

Hi Chief,
Your neighbor is not as classy as you. Sounds like a good guy, just lacking some class. You will need to straight up train him.

"Next time you get to pick a nice bourbon and the cigars and I'll come over."
Or maybe? "This was fun...next time you get to host."

Agree. These days it is quite common to encounter people who have never been trained in "the social graces". (Somehow that all gets lost in social media.) So, it boils down to either we introduce them to the concept, or just cut them loose and accept the disappointment. You will find that about 50% of these people, after given a bit of time to digest the thought, come around to our way of thinking. The other 50% you will never see again. If we just 'let it go' without saying/doing something, we have no right to expect any changes.
Your audience here is heavily weighted with gray haired men and women who were brought up in a time when face-to-face social interaction was a way of life. We are the "get off my lawn generation". Face-to-face interaction to many folks today is a foreign concept. If we expect a code of conduct to be followed, we must gently explain the rules of how it rolls and guide the interactions to conform. It can become work, but it can be rewarding.

 

[chief38]

No offense buddy. But did you wonder if YOU are the problem? Not your friends?

Or are your standards so high that nobody can measure up?

Not really. I have many other friends and neighbors here that frequently host dinners, brunches, cigar and bourbon nights, party's of all kind, and everyone brings things - never take them back home. We help each other out and all take our turns hosting.

The fellow that was here the other day owns a home much larger than ours and not that I asked, but is more than likely quite affluent. Not only has he been here 4 times, but yesterday he asked if he could bring over his best friend from out of town. I believe after yesterday, he's like many here have stated - he's a mooch and unless I get a few invites, I will be smoking cigars and sipping bourbon with different neighbors in the future..

 

[Puller]

50 years ago I loaned a "friend" $20. Never saw him again. Fair deal.

Hmm, I've been holding out on a brother in law that's wanting to borrow 50 bucks. I may just have a change of heart.

 

[cmj8591]

The thing that really kills me is when you go out with a group of people and when it's time to pay, they start looking around to see who ate and drank what. "You had an appetizer and you had three drinks and you ate steak and he had a salad." They then break out their phone and start figuring out to the penny what everyone owes. Man, I hate that! I'm blessed with golf and shooting friends who aren't afraid to go into their pocket when the check comes. If there's 10 of us, a generous tip is added and the check is divided by 10. There's no rehashing of who had what. And it is not uncommon for one of us to foot the whole bill once in a while. To get to the point of your original post, the guy taking home the half bottle of booze is just classless. I'm going to bet he doesn't even know it.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

I eat regularly with a group of 8-12 friends, we ask for separate checks, we had a former member or 2 who regularly tried to weasel out, freeload, etc.
It's a matter of breeding IMHO. Also some people in positions of power get too used to people kowtowing, toadying to them. You'll probably find they like to cheat the taxman.
A neighbor asked to me to stop buying ice cream for her son, she didn't want him to become a moocher.

 

[jcs266]

OK - so I know now I am not being overly sensitive or presumptuous here. I guess I will wait 'till he invites me to his house to smoke his cigars and drink his booze. If that invite never comes, then so be it - the one thing I do not lack here are friends and more respectful neighbors. I think I'm done inviting him here (4 times now) without any reciprocation. I am a generous guy, but will not be a door mat! Thanks for the responses guys!

Exactly. I agree and would have the same view here. You've gone above and beyond "neighborly" here and it's time for some reciprocation.

Good on you for your old school generosity and taste. It's becoming increasingly rare these days.

PS: Yes, taking the bottle back with him was "CHEAPSKATE" territory. Though it does indicate he was already realizing he's wearing out his Welcome mat with how much of your generosity he's received.

 

[Bald1]

You are not wrong. Your friend is a dope. I don’t go anywhere empty handed. But I do realize some people do. I’m sure he is not making a conscious decision to “diss” you. He just doesn’t know any better. As I said , he’s just a dope. You will have to decide if his good traits outway the bad. If they don’t then you can go your separate ways.

 

[chief38]

You are not wrong. Your friend is a dope. I don’t go anywhere empty handed. But I do realize some people do. I’m sure he is not making a conscious decision to “diss” you. He just doesn’t know any better. As I said , he’s just a dope. You will have to decide if his good traits outway the bad. If they don’t then you can go your separate ways.

I think you are spot-on....... he just doesn't get it.

 

[MRB1]

Good neighbors are a blessing and a rarity. All my neighbors know if help is needed, I'll do whatever I can to help, and I hope they feel the same way. I do not socialize with them except for neighborhood parties, which is only once a year. Arm's length is the best policy. I discovered years ago that a neighbor that is too neighborly often becomes a borrower and that dog doesn't hunt with me. Also, neighbors sometimes talk too much to the wrong people.

 

[Golddollar]

Happily I don't have to think about bringing anything to family functions. Even my cousin the chef wants me to bring my stuffed mushrooms.

 

[ladder13]

Some folks are just users. Period…….!

Dog poop level.

 

[Oldengineer]

Trust your gut. It doesn’t have self doubt. It is all about choices. I like to deal under an umbrella of trust and respect. Trust is earned through transaction frequency. I think you have sufficient data.

 

[Onomea]

Not really...

Chief, Kanewpadle's post was directed at Ingramite's comment, not you.

 

[johnbeaver]

You invited him over three times. He invited himself and a friend over the fourth.
He's a taker or rude or just doesn't get it and never will.
I would wait for an invite to his place. If he invites himself over again, I would be busy.

By the way, I,too, enjoy fine bourbon and good cigars.

 

[BC38]

I have a simple rule. If I offer something out, it comes without any strings attached. Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

If you can't do that ... don't offer.

That's me too.

I try to be very generous, sometimes to a fault - if such a thing is even possible. Especially with family.

But I also have more resources to share than many of them.

 

[2152hq]

What's wrong with Canadian Club ?

 

[Rustyt1953]

 

[Mike SC Hunter]

I've lived a lot of different places, and in many of them it's pretty typical that much of the population come from elsewhere. Based on my experience I have developed an "arm's length" attitude to neighbors, and I generally don't like them that close. The OP is a good reminder why.

I agree.......I have one neighbor......About 400 yards. He's a good guy. I see little of him.

 

[lihpster]

What's wrong with Canadian Club ?

Nothing. It was just a very inexpensive whisky.